Friday, July 15, 2005

What Have I Done?

It was all fun and games picking out the new kitten. And then reality hit last night when we had to return poor Baily to the animal shelter. All I can say is that it was probably the least fun I've had in quite some time. I feel so fundamentally wrong for just giving away something that we all loved. Baily was a good sweet kitty that just happened to have a really bad habit. I know that in the grand scheme of life, this is not a major moment. Believe me, I've had enough of those to know the difference. Maybe it's that I'm really not as OK as I think I am. Little stuff does seem to set me off much easier than it used to. So for now, I feel awful, mean, and cruel for giving away the family pet. What can I say? I have perfected guilt and self-hatred to a high art.

I'm left to clean my house top to bottom to prepare for Edward's arrival. I'm sure once he's here I'll feel much better. I don't know, in my world, you don't give away things you love...ever.

1 comment:

Sonja said...

Give yourself a break, my dear. A sensitive conscience is all well and good, but don't lose sight of distinctions. You evaluated the situation and made a choice based on your good judgement. Done. Now think about something nice to make for dinner.