Theory of Mind

I spend a good majority of my time at work trying to teach children with autism that we all have different perceptions of the world . The terminology for this is Theory of Mind. Theory of Mind is the ability to understand that the way that you perceive things is different from the perception of others. That we all have our own likes and dislikes. That we all react to things in different ways. Being able to see things from another's point of view is what allows us to be successful in our social lives.

Somehow this theory seems to be much simpler to explain than it is to practice. Many grown adults seem to lack this ability. In my work, when this ability is lacking we call it mind blindness. I often equate all of this with empathy. It's one thing to feel sorry for someone, that's sympathy. It's another thing entirely to actually attempt to identify with someone else and to put yourself in their shoes and to identify with what they are going through, be it simple or complex.

As a society, it is customary to say "How are you?" when we greet people. Sadly, because it is ritualistic, it seems to have very little validity. How often in my own life have I given the expected, "Fine," as an answer when things were anything but fine. To answer anything but fine almost feels like a social faux pas. This means that we might expect something from the other person or that the other person might feel burdened by our statement. I long to live in a world where we can all be honest about our feelings. I probably tip my hand more than most when it comes to revealing exactly how I am feeling. What sense is it hide how we feel from those that we are close to?

The flip side of that coin is that it isn't always nice to reveal how we are feeling sometimes. It can be hurtful to reveal mistrust or anger. This is where empathy needs to come in to play. Before we react with the full force of our emotions, we need to take a step back and think about how that person might receive it. Did we understand the situation? Do we know the background of what happened? Do we understand how this person accepts strong emotional statements?

I find it harder and harder each year to balance my desire for honesty with my impulse to be empathetic. I teach empathy on a daily basis. I have to practice empathy to be able to do my job. In real life, empathy can sometimes be my own achilles heel, as it leaves me vulnerable in a world where many are not empathetic in return. I feel soft and naked in a harsh world. Many have told me to toughen up. I am tough when I need to be in situations where injustice has occurred. But somehow, the day to day stuff seems to be hardest for me. Small things hurt me. Big things devastate me. And yet, if you ask me how I am, I am likely to say, "Fine." Anything more can be a liability and usually ends up being thrown back in my face. I trust fewer and fewer people. And I think that is the saddest statement of all.

As The World Turns

So I go away for a week of vacation and return to the pop world turned on its head. Gone are two of the pop icons of my youth, Farrah, who forced me to spend hours in the bathroom with a curling iron only to fail miserably every day, and Michael, who forced me to attempt the moonwalk over and over only to realize that I have only a small amount of rhythm and dancing magic.

Well, neither of them were real cultural heroes for me. I'd much rather talk about the loons that sang me to sleep for the last week. Or the doe and fawn I saw prancing through the forest this morning as we left. Or the bald eagle that circled our lake late every afternoon. Or the turtles that swam a little too close to my fishing line almost every day. Or the sun that was warm and out every day this week. Or the cool clear lake water that we swam in. Or the super fun go-kart track that I zipped around many times. Really, all of the news was a bit surprising, but in comparison, not so important.

My whole family had a great vacation. The northwoods of Wisconsin have been our family's vacation spot since I was a small child. I find it reassuring that in a world that changes every day, it remains virtually the same. MIchael or no Michael, it is a quiet corner of the world where you don't even have a good cell signal. A place where you have to go looking for the rest of the world.

That being said, this song makes me awful happy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7hK3Y1Ehv9c

WTF????

Wow. So what was I thinking. Maybe I thought that if I totally ignored my blog, I would stop caring. Or possibly that I would stop having something to say, (please insert laughter here). I ALWAYS have something to say. Maybe I thought that my words were inconsequential. Well, what I've figured out is that even if I am the only one reading, they are not inconsequential.

I got a little downtrodden for awhile. I felt I hit a flat spot in my life. I watched my readership plummet. As if that mattered in the first place. Love you all, but really, I started this for me. Y'all were just the happy by-product. And a very happy by-product I might add. I apologize profusely for not keeping up on my reading. I was momentarily distracted by Facebook.

I found a lot of friends on Facebook. That's a good thing. I found old friends. i found older friends. I kept up with my newer ones. Just never had the same shine as blogging. Face it, one sentence a day, or maybe every few days, is not the same as a heartfelt blog post.

So, bitches, I'm back! All the bad '80's videos, all the cancer pain, all the growing children drama. Love it. Loathe it. I really don't care. It's all about me. Well, kind of. I do love you all and I really miss many of you.

As a reassurance, I really haven't changed too very much. Still a Naked Raygun addict. Waiting on the new Bomb album/CD. Love the live shows and will never be satiated. And love all of you. Just don't cross me in an IEP meeting. Then we may have to be mortal enemies and I will win.

Green Monkey Music Project-Bubs' Lenten Mix

So, we've all been asked to briefly comment about the need for repentance after listening to our contributions to the Lenten Mix. I think you will find it quite clear. Not a whole lot of subliminal messages here. Have fun in the hand basket. You know where it's going...

SLEAZY

Jet Boy Jet Girl-The Damned

Can you tell whats on my mind
Shes with him its driving me wild
Id like to hit him on the head until hes dead
The sight of blood is such a high
Ooooohhhh
He gives me head
We made it on a ballroom blitz
I took his arms and kissed his lips
He looked at me with such a smile my face turned red
We booked a room into the ritz
Ooooohhhh
He gives me head
Jet boy jet girl
I'm gonna take you round the world
Jet boy I'm gonna make you penetrate
I'm gonna make you be a girl
Ooooohhhh
Jet boy jet girl

CREEPY

Possum Kingdom-The Toadies

I'm not gonna lie
I'll not be a gentleman
Behind the boathouse
I'll show you my dark secret
I'm not gonna lie
I want you for mine
My blushing bride
My lover, be my lover, yeah...
Don't be afraid
I didn't mean to scare you
So help me, Jesus


TWISTED

Code Blue-TSOL

I never got along with the girls at my school
Filling me up with all their morals and their rules
They'd pile all their problems on my head
Id rather go out and fuck the dead
Cause I can do what I want and they wont complain
I wanna fuck I wanna fuck the dead
Middle of the night so silently
I creep on over to the mortuary
Lift up the casket and fiddle with the dead
Their cold blue flesh makes me turn red

FILTHY

Closer-Nine Inch Nails

You let me violate you, you let me desecrate you
You let me penetrate you, you let me complicate you
Help me I broke apart my insides, help me Ive got no
Soul to tell
Help me the only thing that works for me, help me get
Away from myself
I want to f**k you like an animal
I want to feel you from the inside
I want to f**k you like an animal
My whole existence is flawed
You get me closer to god

DEMENTED

Deep Six-Big Black


He was a plug-ugly son of a bitch
With a fist where most folks get their face
Me and a half dozen of us would've done him in
But he was never around except when we were drunk
And he's not like we are, see he doesn't know his place
And he thinks he's some kind of big cheese
A buck knife, a saw blade, a lead pipe, a twelve gauge
Would've done him in, could've put him by
A buck knife, a saw blade, a lead pipe, a twelve gauge
I could've deep-sixed him, wouldn't bat an eye
Well, he's not like we are, see he drinks his Jack straight
And he sleeps with his wife and he pays his whores

Thanks Bubs and Splotchy! I'm so ashamed.

3

They say that things occur in groups of three. I'm calling a three. I'm done with this for now. I lost my aunt in December, my grandma in February and now another relative a week ago. I don't want to cry anymore. I don't want to see my family members go through the pain of loss anymore. I don't want to go to another funeral anytime in the near future.

I suppose that this officially marks my entrance into the later half of life, if I am healthy and fortunate. The first half is full of birthdays and weddings and baby showers. Seems like this half is full of funerals so far. I think I have a strong grasp on my mortality at this point, which is maybe the point. This show doesn't go on forever. My take-home lesson from life's latest goings on is to enjoy each day, love those around you and let them know you do, and to end each day at peace with everything. I think I've known most of this for a few years, but life just wanted to make sure I hadn't forgotten the lesson and it scheduled a little review test for me.

Fat Happy Tuesday

Happy Fat Tuesday! We are celebrating with a big ole pot of jambalaya and some cajun influenced drinks. For chow I've got the shrimp and andouille sausage jambalaya on the stove just simmering away. To prepare our appetite and lose the troubles of the day and to celebrate Fat Tuesday, we are drinking a modified Zombie, which is a concoction of fresh squeezed lime juice, dark rum, light rum, triple sec and amaretto with a splash of mango juice for luck. Bon Appetit and Happy Fat Tuesday!

What to My Wondering Eyes...

While I realize that this is not an ideal shot. If you look carefully in that tree you'll see a fairly large dark colored bird. I was getting ready this morning and just happened to look out the window when I saw a large bird land in the tree in front of our house. I realized from watching its flight before he or she landed that it was not one of the neighborhood crows, grackels or other common dark colored birds.

After watching him for several minutes, I noticed when it turned its head almost completely around, and I could see the face, that it had the very unique bill of a falcon. I could also tell that the front of him was much lighter than the back, as I occasionally caught glimpses as the bird sat on the branch. For once, I actually ran to get my camera, even in the middle of the usual morning rush. I was glad I did. I have now realized that I got a shot and a look at a peregrine falcon. There is a pair that have routinely nested on the Evanston Public Library. Apparently, thanks to DDT, these birds were on the brink of extinction. With the ban on DDT, their population is slowly increasing. Their natural place to nest is on cliffs, so I guess that's what the Evanston Library feels like to them. I also read that they are the world's fastest animal, clocking in at a top speed of 273 mph. That's just freakin' cool and it was in the tree in front of my house. Nature gave me a little present today.