Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Goodbye Baily, Hello Edward

So, our old cat is leaving us due to some "behavioral issues." I hate being a parent sometimes. It is so painful. Emma is so upset about losing the cat and I feel evil for causing the pain, but the cat is destroying our house. To alleviate some of her pain, we are getting a new kitten. She has already named him Edward. He is being flown to us from a cattery in Oregon. It was the best deal we ould find on a Ragdoll. Hopefully the new kitty will fill that empty space in her heart. Thanks to puberty, she is kind of a mess right now with emotions flying all over the place. It's wonderful to see her growing up, but this is such a brutal age.

As for me, I am focusing my energy on work, the house and getting ready for the Breast Cancer 3-Day Walk. Apparently all fabulous diversions from dealing with my own raw emotions. There are many times that I feel like a shell of my former self. Losing my mom has left a hole that I can't even fathom at times. I've lost my mother and my best friend. The loss of female companionship is the most difficult to take. And of course, I have always felt that no one could understand me as well as she did. No one ever does love you like your mother, that all encompassing level of true unconditional love. With everyone else, your faults matter. Moms see your faults, endure your faults, and help you navigate your way through them.

Enough about sadness and loss, although it has fully taken over my life it seems. I'd love to rant about the government, but I just don't have the energy these days. I'd love to sit and discuss the last great book I read, but it just doesn't seem to matter so much. I do spend a lot of my time focusing my energy on the kids I work with, in an effort to make their lives and their families lives better. I guess I'm a one person at a time girl. No big fights for me, just little ones.

A great thing that has been happening lately, and spurring my work efforts on, is that one of my little guys is really doing well. In the last month he has changed so much for the better. I'm afraid to say it, but I have been convinced all along that he is one of the ones that will make it. He is so close, finally crossing the final threshold of socialization with his peers. Boring to some, three years of literal brute force and undying energy and patience for me.

I did want to mention my trip to New York with Emma. We had a fabulous time. Zabar's coffee and bagels each morning and shopping until our feet hurt. I have to wonder who this fabulous creature is that was with me. Did I ever know her? Who knew that at the Met, what gave her pause was the armor and modern art? Interesting for an 11 year old girl I'd say. We met Lauren's friends Tom and George for dinner in Chinatown and had a lovely time. Emma loved them both even if she was shy around them at the time.

Guess I should at least mention Evan! He is doing very well, almost done with his baseball season. He is getting more mature and easier to handle everyday. It's about time! Scott's birthday is coming up next weekend. We haven't decided on how to celebrate yet. Guess that's it for now. Work to do. Kids to tend to. House to scrape! Yow, my muscles still hurt from some marathon scraping this last weekend.

1 comment:

sonja said...

OK, I am seizing the honor of posting your first comment. Snooze and lose, folks!

Sharon, thanks for inviting us into your thoughts. You're in mine often, especially given the events of the past year.