Time

I know I haven't been around as much lately. For one, we had some problems with our router, but that got fixed. I am under the gun at work. Even when I'm not, I guess I always kind of feel that way. Time is like the hot breath of a pursuer constantly on your back as you try to outrun it. Time has the ability to undermine all that I do. Time is valuable and frightening all at the same time.

I meet most of the kids I work with when they are quite young. There is always great hope in these moments. Everyone I work with makes very nice progress, but some progress much more quickly than others. It's those kids who don't move as fast that set me in motion. I am tasked with trying to catch them up to their peers in a race where the finish line keeps moving further away. It's exhausting for all of us I can assure you.

This year I have more than a few kids that fall into this category. It has been a rough few months filled with bumps in the road and detours that have wasted our precious time. Many days I work from the time I get up until I go to bed. Maybe this is why I kind of snapped this last week. I am grateful that I am in my quarter break right now, so I can devote more energy to my work. While I know school is important, it is yet another greedy monster, eating up precious hours every week. There are days at work that I feel like I'm battling a blazing house and I've got a squirt gun to do the job. It can be a little overwhelming. Most of the time, I try not to think about it too hard, because it doesn't help to worry.

But right now, worry is what I am filled with. I worry that some decisions that were made weren't correct. I worry that we are racing as fast as we can and that we might not finish the race. I worry about ten years from now. I have to. It's my job to constantly adapt plans as progress is made. I have to remind myself that everything we do is good. I know it doesn't all rest on my shoulders, but I also know that I have to keep running because I feel that hot breath on my neck.