The Verdict

Unless they are wrong, my knee problems have been sorted out and the result is not a very happy one for me. My right knee is now feeling fine after being therapized for the last three weeks. My poor left knee, however, is barely better than when I started therapy. Today they told me that it most likely is a problem with my medial meniscus (see illustration). What this means is that this is not just tired muscles or something that has been pulled. This is a piece of my body that basically said, "Screw you. You will never run again."

More than likely, it was damaged because of my faulty mechanics due to ye olde ankle injury. Damn, if that thing hasn't come back to haunt me time after time. If I had known that taking a study break to play in the snow would ruin a portion of my life forever, I would've stayed planted on the sofa. Now I fell like I'm stuck planted on the sofa for an eternity. Today I had to have the "Well, what can I do?" talk. I can swim, ride my bike and maybe walk. Lifting weights is OK too because the movement is controlled. I want to cry. I want to scream. I want to run.

As I sit here, about to start school again for the final year and change push, I feel like I didn't accomplish what I wanted to in my time off, which was to get in shape. Actually, my legs are in great shape right now, thanks to physical therapy and the task masters there. I feel my body getting older and I feel like it's time to fight back. If I let go now, it really is all downhill. I'm not ready for that and probably never will be. I just need to wrap my head around the new reality. Maybe if I continue with therapy, and maybe if I regain a little more function in my ankle, I might have a shot at running again. But for now, it's an aborted mission. And it was starting to feel really good again, too.