Goodbye, 2008!

I don't know about any of you, but this is one year that I have both cherished and hated all at the same time. The long and short of it, minus the gruesome detail, is that it all came out well. It was one of those years where my feet were held to the fire again and I discovered what I am made of. At the end of the year, I am relatively happy and content after a whole lot of upheaval, but feel it was all a part of what life is and part of the process of becoming who I am.

I lost my drive for absolute perfection. But that's OK, because it was part of what was wrong. I discovered what unconditional love means in many different ways. Let me tell you folks, it sounds all pretty and stuff, but it isn't always fun and sometimes carries a heavy price, but in the end, the dedication pays off. We all deserve to love and be loved. Sometimes it just takes a little more work than we thought it would. I have learned that those memories that you store are worth more than gold. This past year, in fact this past month, I lost a beloved aunt and an uncle. I've watched my cousins grieve in a way that is all too familiar for me. I've held the hand of a person who was dying and who looked back on her life with me and shared with me the treasured moments and memories of her life. I will never forget the moments we shared. I hugged my cousins today that had suddenly and tragically lost their father. After being the recipient of all the hugs surrounding my mother's death, it was nice to be able to give some and provide the comfort for other loved ones. Family is so dear and so irreplaceable.

My own children are growing and changing. I now have a high school aged daughter. I've worried about changes, but have realized that our relationship is just as strong, if not stronger. I am watching the fruit of my labor as a parent blossom before my eyes. It is truly magical. I sometimes think I got lucky as a parent and then I think that maybe I get to take some of the credit for myself. Years of love and time and tears come to fruition. My job is not done, but I am happy where I am on the journey.

I am still in school and have my own goals in the crosshairs. I am happy for those I work with for the optimism that is surrounding their care. Truthfully, it makes my life easier as well, but it should and it's about time. I find myself in the predicament of being in some ways more on my own than ever, but it's OK. I've lost every crutch I've ever had and I've realized that I can stand on my own, but I also realize that I would rather stand with those I love by my side.

May each and every one of you have a most blessed 2009. I am hopeful. I always am. That's who I am.

Merry Christmas, Everybody! Cha! Cha! Cha!

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Let the Day Begin

Up early. Trying to give it a positive start instead of cursing it. Looking forward to having the monkey off my back and starting to celebrate the holidays.

We Could Be Heroes Just For One Day

In the most unlikely of times, Governor Rod Blagojevich was my hero for one day. On December 12, 2008, in the midst of a career-destructing scandal, Gov. Blagojevich managed to make it into work to sign the bill that will create adequate insurance coverage for children with autism. No matter what you think of the man, I can tell you first hand that I watched him being courted by those in support of this bill, and I watched as he promised to take care of it this term. For all the wrong that has been done, this is certainly a big right. Not only will families who up until now have not been able to afford care receive care, but school districts will sigh a huge breath of relief as the burden is taken off of their shoulders. Not that the schools no longer are required to provide services, but the fact of the matter is that they have never been equipped to provide the intensity of services necessary and really should never have had to shoulder the burden for so long. Private services are required for adequate care and thanks to Gov. Blagojevich, private care will now be rendered. I have been waiting for this day for a long time. Too bad such a wonderful deed is overshadowed by unbridled greed.

Just Because

Why am I posting this? No reason really, just because. Just because it makes me happy and its goofy. Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. I am just hanging back and waiting for January.



SLADE-Run Runaway

Rockin' My World!

Barack Obama isn't even in office yet and he is already drafting legislation that has been a long time coming. For many years, I have only served the rich and privileged. In general, and with very few exceptions, treatment for autism is not covered by insurance companies because it is considered "unrecoverable." This has been a gross oversight on the part of the insurance companies. While it is true that those with the disorder will never be fully "cured," all who are treated make progress and if treated early enough and intensively enough, these children can go on to lead fairly normal productive lives.

This morning I was alerted that there is legislation that Barack Obama has had drafted in order to provide coverage for treatment of autism. Sounds to me like at least this promise was not an empty one, not that I expected it would be. If this piece of legislation goes through, I will no longer only treat children from wealthy families. Everyone will have fair access to the best possible treatment. In my world, this is nothing short of a miracle. Go Obama!

Rock the Vote!

I voted. Did you? Seems like such a simple thing to do. Take time to appreciate everything that has happened throughout the course of our nation's history that allowed you the chance to vote today. Be thankful and take advantage of this awesome privilege that we have as Americans.

Potluck at the Trump Hotel and Other Tales of Woe

Last night I went to one of my friend's bachleorette party. Her bridal party had rented a suite at the brand new Trump Hotel in Chicago. The view was magnificent. To make up for the splurge on the room, dinner was potluck in the suite with lasagna, meatballs, and shots of Jagermeister. I'm sure the Donald would approve.

Anyhow, we all drank and ate and "enjoyed" the entertainment, a bananahammock-free stripper who sounded a bit like Ahnold, the gubnerator. Hey, he licked my face and told me I was pretty. I bet he says that to all the girls. The better part of the evening was when we went out and managed to stumble into a club that had a great DJ working a small floor with a great sound system and filled with friends. I don't think I've danced that much in years. It felt really good. Possibly an alternative title for this post could be, "How Tenacious S Got Her Groove Back.'

You know, I've been a bit absent lately. I don't really know why. Just haven't felt like writing. While I was out, I saw The Squeeze for the first time (it was Glen Tilbrook's birthday and the other guys in the band surprised him with dancing girls with a birthday cake on stage and he got all sappy), RiotFest (which was highlighted by the final performance of The Bomb and a stellar set by The Horropops), and a very beat-heavy night at Metro watching Crystal Castles. So, it's not like I've been sulking around the house or anything. I've had some serious fun. Just didn't feel like writing.

For your entertainment, here's a sample of a couple of my woeful nights.

Just in Case

Not being one who sits back idly and lets things happen, I've been working on a plan to bolster the Tenacious S clan's financial bottom line in the event of a dramatic recession. Back in the Great Depression, my grandfather was an out of work painter. Deciding to take his fate into his own hands, he built beehives and then sold honey door to door. I figure if it worked then, hey, that could work now! So this weekend I plan on putting Sweetness and Bink to work painting the beehives. This plan is genius! I'm totally relaxed now. No financial worries at all. We'll just raise bees and sell honey. The whole family can pitch in! There's only one small problem...I'm allergic to the things and Sweetness and Bink cry and run when they see them. Minor glitch.

Is This Thing On?

Ah hem..Is this thing on?
To the people who made my week hell and my client's life miserable, I'm coming to get you. You will not be able to hide behind policy. Words that come to mind are "unmitigated disaster" or "gross negligence." I'm writing a very long report that will expose your incompetence. I know who the good guys are. The rest of you better hide. Have a nice weekend.

Black and Blood

About a year and a half ago I wrote a post about the tattoo that I was thinking about getting. For at least 20 years I have considered getting a tattoo. For at least 15 of those 20 years, I was a little indecisive about what I really wanted, which is why I never got one...until last weekend.

For the second year in a row, I went to a conference in Santa Barbara. This year's conference was even better than last year and I definitely learned a great deal. What was different was that although I casually knew a few people that were attending, no one I work with on a regular basis was there, so outside a couple of dinners and the conference days, I had some time to myself.

I arrived on Wednesday early in the afternoon. Hungry and looking for lunch, I headed out onto the main street in town, State Street. I grabbed a quick bite and continued on my walk, just intending on doing a little shopping and enjoying the day. One of the very first places that caught my eye was Golden Eagle Tattoo. I liked some of the work they had on the walls and found myself looking through some of the artists' books. I liked one of the artists in particular and walked away with lots going on in my mind.

The next couple of days were a blur of conference and dinners with colleagues with little time left for myself. When it was all over on Friday night after dinner, I went back to my hotel and finally had some time alone. I woke up on Saturday still thinking about getting a tattoo and decided to go for a walk, get some lunch and head over to the shop. Somewhere between Wednesday and Saturday the thought had become a plan.

I walked in and talked to Jason, the artist that I was interested in. He was very kind and had me look more carefully at his work to be sure I wanted to use him. We looked at my post about what I had in mind and then he came up with a sketch that I thought was perfect. This is about when it all took on a very surreal feeling for me. I heard entire discussions going on in my head about what I was doing and all the implications. In the end, I felt very calm and relaxed and finally took my seat at Jason's station.

For the next two hours I sat there hugging the back of the chair. There was never a moment where I felt like I was in pain. It felt warm and slightly irritating, but that was about it. It was the nothingness of sitting there for two hours that put me into a very meditative state. On the wall in front of me were sketches of tattoos that Jason was working on. One of them was of two small birds sitting on some dogwood branches. It was very beautiful and the birds made me think of my daughter. The eye of one of the birds was particularly captivating and I found myself staring into it for long lengths of time.

At no time during the process did we take a break other than Jason asking me quickly if I was feeling OK. I felt fine and he kept working diligently. By the time we were done, the trashcan on floor next to me was full of used gloves and toweling that was covered in black ink and my blood. The blood just seemed like a reminder of the fact that this was now a part of my body. Something that I would have for the rest of my life. I'd already made my peace with it. As I stood to look at my new addition in the mirror, I felt completely pleased and fell in love with the work.

When he was done, Jason cleaned the tattoo and wrapped it, giving me instructions on how to care for it as it healed. I knew that there was a healing process, and was glad that he was careful in repeating instructions to me. I settled up and headed back to my hotel room feeling like I had the greatest secret on earth. When I got there, I realized that even though the process was not as painful as I had expected, my body had been through a lot and it was tired.

Four days later, my tattoo already feels like a part of me. I'm over the surprise of seeing it there in the mirror. It feels like it was always meant to be there.

Funny Things to Do

This past weekend I had possibly the oddest night I've had in quite some time. We were invited by our friend to go see his band, 4 Star Alarm, play at the Lincoln Park Fireman's Cookoff. Saturday was a gorgeous day and I thought that being outside at a cookoff with a band sounded like a brilliant idea.

When we got there, attendance was pretty sparse. Apparently this was the first year that these particular firemen had attempted this kind of fundraiser and they had not done a very good job publicizing it. At first I just thought they really liked us when we were greeted with showers of thank you's and a free calendar (which if you know me, you know is sooooooooooooo not my thing). Some girls like beefcake, I go for the triple "T" threat...tall, thin, tortured. Anyhow, once we were in, we realized that pretty much everyone else there was a fireman or belonged with a fireman (Lulu, eat your heart out). The food was good. The beer was bad, and worse, served by "beer dancers" as my friend calls them. Think Coyote Ugly.

So, our friend's band is a little emo and a little punk. They showed up in full regalia, standing out like sore thumbs in the crowd. It was funny to notice that as time passed, the lead singer lost some of his "flair." Off went the big chunky belt. Off went the '70's rock star shades. On went the headband bandanna. I think he was trying to camouflage himself. As they started to play, my friend pointed out that the crowd was stepping further and further away from the stage. Sadly, they actually did one of the best shows I've heard from them yet, but I think it went unappreciated.

The band finished at about 10, so Mr. Ten S and I decided to take a walk in the neighborhood. Our first bad plan and ultimately funny moment was when we decided to go into one of the local bars to use the restroom. Woooooooo! I forgot all about the Trixie and Chad culture in Lincoln Park and had to take a huge step back when I realized that :

A. They all looked exactly alike and were clones of the people I had spent my entire youth avoiding.
B. They all looked far too young to be so inebriated.
C. These are the people who spawn and move to Glenview.
Frightened, we made a beeline for the door and continued our walk. The highlight of the walk was spending some time in a real record store and scoring some vinyl. The next amusing moment was when we decided that rather than head into a Trixie bar, we'd go to Neo for a drink. Now mind you, we're in Saturday evening outside cookout gear. Woooooo! I forgot all about:

A. Everyone dressed in black.
B. Sprockets Redux atmosphere
C. How much more time these people put into their "outfits."
Uh yeah, we didn't really fit in there either, but they had better beer on tap and at least were playing some pretty cool tunes.

After our little adventures, we decided to call it a night. Other than the way North Shore boy on the train who was trying his best to be both cool and friendly, we made it home without further incident. The whole night left me realizing that I really like my crowd at places like The Beat Kitchen and Bottom Lounge. There's a little bit of attitude, but on the whole, they tend to be a whole lot more accepting of just about anybody. Well, unless you're too much of a Trixie. Then they'll just mock you behind your back and go back to what they were doing.

Just When You Least Expect It...The Friday Random 10

After a long hiatus from the Friday Random 10, the Tenacious One returns. Summer is winding down and schedules are once again taking over my life. Sometimes it's a good thing.

Fall promises to be busy but rockin'. Shows on my radar are Wire, Live, RiotFest and Crystal Castles. That ought to get me through October. Sweetness starts high school in a couple of weeks and Bink is about to start his year as Top Dog 5th Grader at his grade school. As for me, it's back to the saltmines of grad school after a long break due to an unwieldy life. Things seem to be both settling down and winding up.

Here's the soundtrack to the dog days of summer:
1. Chalkhills and Children-XTC
2. Glass-Joy Division
3. (Everyday Is) Halloween-Ministry
4. Pour le Monde-Crowded House

5. Headache-Liz Phair
6. Kiss Off-Violent Femmes
7. Bored on Television-The Methadones (Great show a couple of weeks ago at the newly reopened Bottom Lounge. Also saw Pegboy there last weekend. Sweet!)
8. Hours-TV on the Radio
9. God on my Side-World Party
10. Empty Bottles-Voodoo Glow Skulls

Socks Rocked Off? Check.

I am a sleepy kitty after a weekend of fun at Pitchfork. The big draw for me was to see Mission of Burma play their album Vs. in its entirety. And I have to tell you, they rocked my socks off. In their music I hear the roots of so many bands that I adore, and for that, I worship at their feet.

Pitchfork was pretty much planned to be the highlight of my summer. As my therapist said, "It's the poor man's Lollapalooza." At times I could feel my age as Lulu and I wandered through the crowd of hipsters, but it didn't stop me from having fun. Amazing posters at the Flatstock convention, cool arts and crafts and best of all...vinyl. Lots and lots of vinyl. The second I spotted it I could feel the cold sweat bead up on my forehead as I anticipated the possibility of scoring some. I ended up buying a couple cool compilation CDs, but of course, I purchased four brand spanking new discs. I picked through a bunch of stuff, but purchased all the vinyl from the Touch and Go booth. Picked up some Big Black that I'd had on tape that disintegrated years ago and purchased my first two Shellac records. I felt the wave of relief run through me as I stuck my purchases in my bag.

All in all, I'd say it was a completely fulfilling outing. Incredible live music, ice cold beer, new cool posters for the walls, CDs, and sweet sweet vinyl. I'm a tired but happy kitty. Hope you enjoy a taste of Pitchfork.

Pennies From Heaven

You know how sometimes when you need it most, something simple and really nice happens. Yesterday I went next door to my neighbor's home to wish her a happy birthday and ran into another friend of mine. Turns out that she had this extra ticket to go see Yaz tonight that was already paid for. She asked if I was interested and told me it was mine if I wanted it. Really? Who says "no" to a free Yaz ticket? Truthfully, I had thought about going, but felt that it was really more than I could afford at the time. So now, here I am, thinking about going to the show tonight and feeling really fortunate that I have friends who are so generous and gracious. I have been the recipient of this kind of graciousness quite a bit lately and it has made all the difference in the world to me.

Yaz is one of those bands that is part of the soundtrack of my life. Not only do they bring back memories of late nights of dancing, but some of their quieter songs remind me of driving around or sitting in my room and just contemplating my then young life and all of its ups and downs. Alison Moyet is one of my very favorite female vocalists and I am looking forward to hearing her voice live more than anything else right now. So I guess tonight is kind of a trip down memory lane, but also an ode to friends who seem to show up at just the right moment.



Update: The show was absolutely fabulous! Everyone was either dancing or, for the more introspective songs, just sitting in awe of Allison Moyet's voice. She was flawless live. Just as powerful and perfect as she sounds on record. She also seemed to be having the time of her life and was all smiles between each song, seeming to just be soaking in the praise of her fans and having a blast doing what she loved. It was very clear that she has a very positive connection to their music and that she adores Vince Clarke.

Explosive!

SIOUXSIE AND THE BANSHEES-Fireworks

Happy Fourth of July! Having just returned from the land where children can still buy sparklers (and other fun stuff), we are fully stocked for the holiday. We'll be attending the Evanston fireworks on the 4th at the lake, just a few blocks from our house, which is perfect for our slow and lazy family. We're looking forward to seeing some of you on the 5th at the Compound party as well. And remember, after you light the fuse, you're supposed to run.

The Slow Show

Life often goes far too fast for my taste. At heart, I am a slow moving person. I might appear at times to be a flurry of activity, but really, going fast just stresses me out and makes me anxious. Vacation offered me the chance to see my life in slow motion again. All those things that sometimes we are just moving too fast to notice or notice too much because we are moving too fast and stopping to notice seems like an annoyance. Instead of the Puppy Uppers, I took the Doggy Downers this last week and realized that I definitely like it better that way.

I took the time to appreciate the Wisconsin clouds and sky, the ferns that grow large and lush on the floor of the woods with sunlight dappling them, the sound of our trusty rowboat bumping up against the pier, and the wonders that are my children. They possibly had the best time of all. Removed from the pressures of school and the influences of the world we have to live in, they found joy in nature and rushed to greet it every day.

Life has a tendency to be too complicated. We rush through days forgetting who we are and who we can be in our best moments. Maybe sometimes we just need a reminder of what matters and what we love. While it certainly is never a permanent cure for the ferocity of a life lived to fast, it softens the impact at least for awhile.

Gone Loony

I know, I know. We just got back from Kauai. This time we are off for our annual family vacation to Northern Wisconsin, my favorite place on earth. While I realize it's not exotic, other than perhaps the loons, it is where I often dream of being on a regular basis. It's all tied up in childhood memories and long afternoons of nothing but peace and quiet. It is possibly the only place on earth where I cannot be reached by phone and I like it that way.

I suspect that I will probably play shuffleboard, tetherball, air hockey (if it rains), and a serious game of Monopoly or two. This will be accompanied by swimming, fishing and my favorite, laying on the dock in the sun. I'm sure that we'll catch enough fish to grill some one night and if not, we'll head up the road to a quaint supper club. This is the land that time forgot and I like it that way. Nothing has really changed all that much since I was a kid. Sure there's the new bypass around the big town of Eagle River, but other than that, really, not much has changed. As Martha would say, "It's a good thing."

Steaming Mad

Why is it that every time I bend a little further than I should for someone, I end up wanting to commit a jailable offense? You know, if this was just me involved that would be one thing, but I have a little guy whose family doesn't have much money and has been patiently waiting to start his therapy and the week he is finally supposed to start, the therapist that they hired bails. It's a good thing I don't know where she lives.

Ready to Rock

I know I've been a bit elusive lately. Busy season at work and in life. Just wanted you all to know that I am alive and kicking. In typical Ten S style, I will be heading out to R.E.M. tomorrow night and am equally excited that Modest Mouse and The National are both opening up for them. Perhaps a dose of loud music will bring me out of my semi-hibernation.