Another Year Older and Closer to Death

Mr. Ten S and I will be at Exit tomorrow night where they will be spinning '80's and industrial music upstairs from about 10 until we tip over. Just wanted a chance to hear the music that I love REAL LOUD for my birthday this year. Love to have you join us! Let me know if you're thinking about heading over, so I can save a chair for you!

5 Things I Had No Clue About When I Was 25

While it often seems that time flies, when I think about being 25, that was a LONG time ago. So thanks to Bubs, I am supposed to come up with five things that I didn't expect to be in mylife when I was 25.

1. Being Married to Mr. Ten S-When I was 25, we had just barely started dating. Although I did like him a whole lot, I had no idea that we would be spending our lives together.

2. Attempting Graduate School Twice-Because apparently once was not enough for me. I almost finished a MS in Communication Disorders, but then kids and life set me on a slightly different path. I think I always knew though that I would not be satisfied with myself until I completed a Master's degree, hence, round two.

3. Losing My Mom-My dad is a full ten years older than my mom and I think everyone in my family just assumed that we would lose dad first. Not that I wished death on either one of them, but it was a shock when my mom got sick and it is the one thing that has changed me more than I could ever tell anyone in words. I am not the same person. I will never be the same person again. I'm OK, just very different. Unless it has happened to you, you will never understand what I am saying even if you try.

4. Being Around For a Naked Raygun Reunion-Come on. I had to lighten it up. I love Naked Raygun. You all know that. It goes far beyond just liking the music. These are great guys in a band that to me is part of my hometown and part of who I am and how I identify myself. I was sad when they did a reunion when I lived in California and feared I would never see them live ever again. I had no idea that when I contacted Jeff Pezzati on a whim and a dream to play my 40th birthday party that it would buy me a frontseat to their reunion and a rekindling of a friendship that I now treasure.


5. Two Kids That Amaze Me-Although I think I always knew I would have kids, I never really dreamed about who they would be. From the very beginning I have tried to not impose expectations on them and to let them unfold as their own person. By doing this, I am constantly amazed and surprised by them. Sweetness is an interesting and artistically talented girl with an old soul. Bink is crunchy on the outside with a gooey center that is all love sprinkled with curiosity.

I couldn't have asked for more and I have more than I ever imagined in many ways. Loss has taught me to appreciate every moment with every person. Distance has taught me to appreciate my hometown. Struggle has taught me to appreciate the moments of calm. I consider myself a very fortunate person. I have done many things that I wanted to do. I love and feel loved. I know who I am.

Important Update!

I look like this again! Because I am Tenacious S, I tracked down my professor just so I could get an explanation of the grade. I wasn't going to accept this easily. She emailed me almost immediately and was full of apology because she said that when she printed out my paper the last six pages didn't print. WTF? As if I would write an impeccable paper and then just not write a Summary or a Reference section. Well, thank goodness my tenacity paid off. My grade is now the A it should have been all along. I knew it! Back in the hunt for Magna Cum Laude. Or not.

I feel a little bad that I have been a blog slacker lately. The good news is that I actually have been busy working and having a life. Saw Eddie clearwater last night at Bill's Blues in Evanston, which is owned by our friend. I hung out, heard great music and drank until I literally fell off my chair. That's when I decided it was time to go home. See? I really am smart!

This is What I Look Like When I Am a Little Angry

I just found out today that I got a B in my last class. I am not happy. I am especially not happy because I worked harder and longer on that term paper than any other. It virtually ruined Christmas for our family. I deserve an A for the sacrifice alone! Further irritating me is that I was given a grade with no explanation of anything. Last I checked, I was still getting an A. What the hell happened? This is exactly why I hate grad school. This is what I remember from last time.

Last time I was in school, I had to drive well over an hour to get there. One semester I drove all the way down to pick up a copy of our take home final only to find out that the professor hadn't made enough copies and that she was nowhere to be found. Mind you, this was before the days of email. I had to *&%$$%%% drive back two days later to get a copy and then had two days less to complete the stupid thing.

What I remember is that if you didn't read your professor right, you could have your grade lowered just because they never really articulated what it was they were expecting. I followed the rubric exactly for this paper. It was edited over and over again. It was plenty long and well supported. I just want to know at this point what I did wrong so I don't do it again.

In a way, as irritated as I am, it is a blessing in disguise. I no longer have a prayer of Magna Cum Laude. That was a ridiculous pressure I was putting on myself. I guess now maybe I'll be a little more relaxed about this. I'm not perfect. My grades aren't perfect. Oh well.

I am even happier that I am taking this quarter off. I probably needed a little perspective. Towards the end, I kind of felt like I was on a runaway train with no hope of controlling it or stopping it. It was a bad ride. Maybe when I go back I'll be able to enjoy it a little more. I am learning lots of cool stuff and all that matters in the end is that I get my degree and get on with my life.

Seven Things You Don't Know About Me (But Lulu Might)

I always feel a little weird writing these types of posts. I think part of it is because I am not a particularly secretive person and have a tendency to just blab whatever comes to mind with little filter. So, are there seven things you don't know? Let's find out. Thanks to Flannery for hooking me up with the ability to potentially embarass myself.

1. I have a few vivid memories from when I was two. I've been told that not many people have memories from when they were that young. Bink, my son, also has very early memories. What this means or if this is of any benefit, I don't know.

2. I named my first cat Tabitha, after the girl on Bewitched. We later found out it was a boy and changed his name to Charlie.

3. I punched a hole in the wall of the duplex I lived in during my junior year in college. The guys who lived on the other side would not stop playing Night Ranger and I was in full Bauhaus mode at that time. Yup. I hate Night Ranger that much.

4. I preferred playing with GI Joe to Barbie, which made my childhood friend Laura cry more than once because I ran off to play with her brothers. I never really liked girls' toys very much. Unlike Flannery, I didn't want to be a boy, but I preferred their company.

5. The first few times I DJed at the college radio station I refused to talk. My friend, Jeanne, did the shift with me, so I would spin the records and do all the technical stuff and Jeanne would talk. It didn't last very long. I ended up liking it and spent far too much time at the station before it was all said and done. It's a minor miracle I graduated college.

6. Being a big fat chicken probably saved my life once. I went on a wilderness trip to the mountains in southeast Colorado when I was in high school. While we were there, we went on several rock climbing excursions. Because there was a large number of us climbing, those who reached the top and were waiting were clipped into an anchored ring for obvious safety reasons. When I reached the top, I was supposedly clipped in with everyone else. A bunch of people were getting silly and were running for the edge of the cliff, only to get yanked back when they ran out of rope and were anchored. Almost everyone did this. I hate heights and it was a amazing that I even managed the climb, so I clearly chose not to participate in this game. I found out as we were leaving that they had made a mistake with my ropes and I wasn't clipped in like the rest of them. I would have gone sailing off the edge of the cliff.

7. I have almost zero knowlege of primetime TV from my younger years. My parents were very strict both with what we could watch and how much we could watch. I really only remember Flipper, Little House on the Prairie, some Waltons, The Muppet Show and Emergency (which I lived for since I thought that Randolph Mantooth/Johnny Gage was totally hot). So if you all refer to retro TV shows, I haven't a clue.

Seems like lots of folks have already done this, so I'm only going to tag Lulu. Anarchy!

Really Important Announcement!!!!

Just noticed that none other than the New York Dolls are playing at the Double Door on Saturday, February 23. I think this may need to be an event!

A New Leaf

As the new year unfolds, I find myself thinking more and more about what I can do to make this world a better place in the coming year. I have often thought about getting one of the local farm delivery bushels, but I live in a house with one very picky eater in it and worry that some would go to waste, as the selections are made for you. I don't really have the money to buy food that will go unused and, well, it kind of seems like it would defeat the purpose. So I started searching around for alternatives and I think I have arrived at a couple. I've long known that there is a local poultry seller in neighboring Glenview. I pass nearby at least once a week in my travels. We eat a lot of chicken. Today I was cheered even further by the discovery of a local market that sells mainly local produce. Even better, it is an independent business, which I prefer to patronize. Best yet, it's no further than I used to travel to another store that I frequented, so I don't feel like I'll be burning tons of fuel to get there.

Time off of school has given me the chance to reflect that I kind of didn't have time for in the past year or so. I'm hoping I can start some new habits during these three months off that will carry me through the rest of my schooling with myself, my family and our impact on the planet in better shape. We have already gone on a "lights off" campaign and I have taught the kids to turn off the lights while proclaiming, "Save the polar bears." I know we have only begun to make some changes, but we are all mindful of the consequences and I think that's a good place to start.

Friday 10, Better Late Than Never

1. Give Me Novacaine-Green Day
2. Highwire Days-Psychedelic Furs
3. Funk Pop A Roll-XTC
4. Save It For Later-The English Beat
5. The Mule-Naked Raygun
6. Falling Forward-The Methadones
7. Gary's Got a Boner-The Replacements
8. Pump It Up-Elvis Costello
9. Bright Fresh Flower-Robyn Hitchcock and the Egyptians
10. Green Gloves-The National

After a long absence from the Friday 10, I've returned. My only comment is that there was no monkey business regarding the connection between #7 and #8. I swear. Happy Friday!

Wherein Tenacious S Realizes That Being OCD Pays Off

As Lulu has recounted, we had a lovely evening a couple of days ago sitting around, saying nothing and listening to records on my new turntable. While there is a turntable in our house (which technically is mine),but after fourteen years of marriage has become community property and lives in Mr. Ten S's office, I really don't use it that often since my records are down in the basement, three floors down. So sitting around with Lulu and playing albums at whim and request was quite a treat for me.

What you need to understand is that my albums are my babies and always have been. I remember getting really frosty when my high school boyfriend upon our breakup suggested that I listen to The Police's "I Can't Stand Losing You." In this song it talks about returning LP's and that they got scratched up in the hands of the borrower. While he was equally OCD, encasing each record in the special anti-static/anti-scratch inner sleeve and every album in a clear plastic outer sleeve, the insinuation that I had scratched a record was just fuel for the breakup fire.

Lulu can vouch for me when I say that my albums are for the most part, aside from cat hair from past kitties being stuck inside every single album I opened, pristine. The covers just as vibrant as day one. The lyric sheets in perfect shape. The vinyl itself with no blemishes visible to the naked eye. While over the years I have been mocked from time to time about my OCD tendencies when it comes to the care and keeping of these albums (they are filed alphabetically and chronologically within each band), I am glad I was a twitchy lightswitch licking freak that obsessed about them. Years later I am the proud owner of a lovely album collection that brings me great joy and pride. And now, I will go take my medication. *twitch*twitch*

Merry Christmas, Everybody!

Hope everyone has had a wonderful Christmas. Thought I'd spread some of the silly cheer we enjoyed today. For a second year in a row, Santa was very good to me. Those who know me, will know that Santa is a mind reader and knew that I would get tons of enjoyment from this:




I know I'm off school for the next few months, but if I seem absent, you'll know I'm ripping and burning, baby! Finally, my beloved vinyl will be available to me 24/7. Oh, the possibilities! In the car, while I study, at the gym... I'm going digital! Merry Christmas, everyone. I do love you all.

How Much Has Changed?

In 1984, one of my good friends gave us all a copy of this EP (I'll explain on request for those too young to understand) for Christmas. When I look back, this was the year my eyes opened. I saw the world beyond mine. I signed petitions for Amnesty International, I subscribed to the Christian Science Monitor to get news outside our media. I wrote the piece for Africa in our college paper. I knew what was going on. Again, how much has changed? Change the name of the nation. Change the name of the specific issue. How much smarter are we? Merry Christmas to all.

Master Illusionist

Apparently David Blaine is going to attempt to set a world record for sleep deprivation. Ha, ha, sucker! I started first and I'm gonna beat you!

Deer in Headlights Vol. II

Once again I find myself in the unenviable condition of having a large (25 pages) paper due on Friday afternoon and exactly two sentences written. I can't seem to find my way into my writer's mode. I know once the switch flips, I'll word vomit almost ten pages immediately, but I can't seem to make it happen. I predict several sleepless nights this week. This only makes me more happy that I am taking the next quarter off. I just have lost the will to do this for now. I'm so distracted by my life that I can't make school the main focus. And right now, it shouldn't be either. Christmas will have to wait until Friday at 5. That's when I will be released from the prison of grad school for a little vacation. I'm itching to get out, but I have one hell of a roadblock right now. Send good thoughts and any writer's tips if you have any, 'cuz I'm fresh out of inspiration right now.

This One Goes to 11

If I have a fault in life, it's that I don't know how to stop. Thank you, Anandamide, for recogonizing and appreciating my achilles heel, I mean, my finest feature. There's nothing I love more than winning a contest. Well, maybe getting an "A" on my schoolwork, but you get the point.

Two For Tuesday

OK, I'm a bit scattered in general and I kind of forgot I was trying to do a weekly feature. Welcome to my life. This is normal. Anyhow, the idea of this two'fer is supposed to be something old and something new. I'll start with the new.



THE NATIONAL-Slow Show

I think they feel like an old comfortable pair of shoes, a pair that apparently sings and plays lovely music. Yeah. That's it. Anyhow, I haven't had enough time to really absorb them completely, but on first drive-by they remind me of...



NICK CAVE AND THE BAD SEEDS-Do You Love Me

Somthing about the atmospheric deperateness in the sound of these two bands. It's retro yet timeless. A heartbreak in slow motion, your breath crystallizing in the air as you walk down the street at night, the loneliness of a big city.

Smooth Sailing

I know this isn't totally new, but thought some of you might appreciate the tongue in cheek humor of the Yacht Rock series. While I would venture to say that this music is about the antithesis of what I listen to, I love watching these hilarious skits. There are ten of them and worth an hour of your time. So, grab a Pina Colada, your captain's hat and sail away with the Yacht Rock experience. Happy Friday!

Revenge

The last two weekends have been a bit of a blur. Last weekend, although I had planned on going two days, I was limited to one day at RiotFest due to work, homework and Bink's school project. What a day it was, though. I had the very good fortune of being gifted with backstage passes, which not only got us a sweet spot to hang and see the show, but munchies and free booze. Hence, the blur factor. I could go on and on and bore you all to death with the gritty details, but suffice it to say that Stiff Little Fingers and Naked Raygun were the highlights of the day for me. Last year Jeff had all but lost his voice, and so I was hoping for his sake that he would find a little redemption in this show. Whoa Hey Holy Ho! Naked Raygun rocked my face off. They sounded as good or better than I ever remember them sounding. I was pleased that they were able to crush any doubters out there. Stiff Little Fingers turned in a fierce set as well. Really, every band that played was amazing in their own way. I was just sorry my real life got in the way of being able to see Bad Brains on day two.

Going to Riot Fest is sort of an odd experience. There are a lot of people there far younger than I am and certainly more "decorated." Even in my prime rock-show-a-week days, I was never overboard with the punk gear. Maybe I liked Bauhaus too much to go whole hog with the punk thing. Mostly I think that back then, not that many people were as "punk" looking as some of the kids I see now. There was no Hot Topic. Our fashion mainstay at the time was thrift store bargains. So, I guess I feel like I really don't dress all that differently now than I did then. Anyhow, I was standing at one of the booths looking at t-shirts making small talk with the guy who was working. We talked about some of the bands playing and who we had seen when, enough for the guy to be able to take a good guess at my age. Then he says to me at some point, "Well, you've held up well, ma'am." All I could think was, wow, you are so very young. I think my husband was more annoyed by the comment than I was. I kind of figure it's what's on the inside that counts anyways and the kid was too young to know that. Besides, the sweet revenge of comments like that is that I know someday he'll be 42 and someone will call him "Sir" for the millionth time and he too will realize that it's what's on the inside that counts. And whether he realized it or not, we're part of the same tribe. He's the pesky kid and I'm now the annoying older aunt who's revenge is pinching cheeks when she feels like it.

So flash forward to last night. Last night was the premiere of "You Weren't There." It was a movie made about the beginning of the Chicago punk scene. Last night I was the annoying little brat and many of my aunties and uncles were there. Some of them scoffed at us in the movie, saying we weren't the real deal, the whole punk is dead story. Then what does that make Riot Fest? I guess it's all how you look at it, and in the end, it is kind of only music, but no matter how you slice it, it's somehow more than that. It's a force that drives like-minded people across generations together. You can call it whatever you want to call it. I don't think it really matters. I know I feel at home when I'm near it. I know that it's a part of who I am. Does it matter on a day to day basis? Not really, but it's nice to know it's there when I need it.

Whoa Hey Ho, Off to Naked Raygun I Go!

I am like a kid running down the stairs on Christmas morning right now. I have my coat on and I am waiting for the cab that will take Mr. Ten S and I to Riot Fest where Naked Raygun will headline at 10 tonight. This is my favorite event of the year. A whole day of local and not-so-local punk bands. Loud music, crappy beer and my buddies in the bands. Life is sweet.

I Got Read To

One of my favorite things in life is to be read to. No matter how old I get, I still really enjoy having a book, any book, read to me by a good storyteller. It can be an adult work of fiction or a simple child's story. the magic is in the delivery. Today, I had to observe a preschool classroom for one of my clients. Unbeknownst to me, it was library lady day! I was giddy with delight when I heard this news.



This particular librarian appeared to be about my age. She looked like a librarian. Funky little glasses, an odd sweater, a corduroy skirt, tights and red Mary Janes. You get the picture. She started by reading a book called The Gruffalo. It was delightful. Her voices were magnificent. Her pacing spectacualr. Her questions well-placed and interesting. I may have enjoyed it more than any of the kids in the classroom. She followed this up with a song about leaves and she scattered pretty colored fall leaves as she sang. Then she donned a Mother Goose apron and hat and told a few Mother Goose rhymes. She finished her performance with a flannel board story about a little red leaf. I was sad when it was over.

Maybe I'm a giant child, but that was the best half hour of my week so far.

The Payoff

I've mentioned that work has been especially hard these last couple of months. I've had a few of my clients going through some pretty serious and important school transitions, so I have needed to give them my full attention and a lot of my time. This has included having to fire an aide and take over because some difficult behaviors had been started and when added to trying to acclimate to a new classroom on top of it, it was just easier to do the job myself than try to explain it to someone else.


It's been a rough go, with many days ending in my feeling like I've made the wrong choice for this child's placement. I wondered if I had pushed him too far. I worried that I might have damaged his progress. Things have slowly been getting better. This week they all fell into place. Thursday was the best day we've had together in the classroom. He was talking a lot (for him) and was able to join in most of the group activities in a meaningful way. I knew it was going well while it was happening. It was a fast-paced day and we both raced through it thoroughly enjoying every second.

On Thursdays, I drive him to his speech therapist's office, since it is on my way home. We've worked through a "seatbelt wearing issue" and so our drive was an easy one. As I made the last turn, I looked over my shoulder to check on him, only to find him sound asleep. I myself was feeling exhausted from the effort of the day, but it wasn't until I looked at him that I realized that he has been putting in just as much effort or more. I felt proud of him, the way that I do with my own children when they succeed at something.

I carried him into the office, still sound asleep and his therapist scooped him out of my arms and guessed that they wouldn't be doing any therapy that day. We both remarked about how we never get to just hold and love the kids we work with. We're paid to push and pull them and ourselves. I left feeling tired, but aware of how much I love my job and the kids I work with. I couldn't love them any more unless they were my own. In his efforts I found extra energy for the rest of our journey.