Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Too Many Keys

Keys used to be a source of comfort for me. They meant home. They meant safety. Right now, there are too many of them and it is leaving me feeling homeless. I have keys to my old house, keys to a friend's house and keys to the place I've been living for the past nine months. Now I'm moving again and picking up more keys.

Even though I know that this move is for the good and will be best for me, I am struggling with my loss of sense of home. There really is no place I would call home right now. I know I'll make a home for myself again in the future, but right now, I feel like I don't have one. I feel beholding to a lot of people. I feel like I can't stand on my own two feet. I know I'm over dramatizing this, but I'm scared. Scared to leave yet another place that has felt sort of like home, but isn't. Scared that I will feel this way for far too long. Homesick for the place I used to live, where I raised my kids. Just homesick.