Exhaustion is a Fun Drug

THOMAS DOLBY-Europa

After days of sleep deprivation, my brain started doing some weird shit last night. First, it felt like shockwaves, sort of accompanied with a quick flash of light. Then I actually heard things. I swore I heard voices, but no one was there. I felt twitchy and nervous. Made me think of Thomas Dolby. I think I need to go to bed.

Touch and Go Revisited

For those of you who could not make it to the Touch and Go 25th Anniversary Beer Fest, I mean Music Fest, here is a little taste of what made it one of the most fabulous weekends of my life.


BIG BLACK-Racer X

Between Big Black and Scratch Acid I spent most of Saturday evening with my eyes rolled up into my head enjoying the wigged out landscape they aurally induced. I'm sure it had nothing to do with the five or six beers I'd had by that point. Mmmm, and did we mention it was Goose Island and Warsteiner they were serving. No Budweiser here, baby. This was hands down the best run outdoor festival I have ever been to. They had the stages running like clockwork, the beer lines moving and the portapotty lines were not unbearably long. This is important when you have had many beers. So, enjoy this next clip of a shirtless Dave Yow of Scratch Acid doing his thing. Peace out!


SCRATCH ACID-Crazy Dan

In Other News, Tenacious S Fears Head Will Explode

So, how is the Tenacious One doing after just one measly week of grad school? Well, there was a bit of a time management issue with the Touch and Go Festival happening, but other than that, there were no excuses for what happened. As usual, I have a tendency to overthink things and apparently that's what I did with the first assignment. I was ready to write a manifesto and was getting very angry that the sources I was finding were pathetic at best. Then at about 7 this evening I saw the comment from the professor. He was only looking for a few paragraphs. I already had four well developed paragraphs. I think I might get an "A." Unfortunately, I think it may have come with a side of ulcer.

Better Than.....

How could a weekend get any better than getting lucky and finding the dude with the three-day passes? How could it get any better than hearing tons of amazing bands? How could it get any better than the beer ticket lady accidentally giving Lulu and I twice as many beer tickets than we paid for? How? When you walk out of the Touch and Go festival the first day and the flyer pressed into your hand is for a NAKED RAYGUN reunion at Riot Fest on November 5th!!!! I have died and gone to punk rock heaven.

Still Mourning

Crikey, these Australians sure do get under your skin. I'm not done obsessing on INXS yet. I remembered how much I liked them and that for a good year, this was one of my favorite songs. You know what? I still like it. I think I'm going to go order the CD.

Dead Australians I Have Loved

Well, there's really just the one. Good lord, how I miss Michael Hutchence. I know. You're thinking, "T, you've gone soft!" Bite me. He was an awesome front man and some mighty fine eye candy. So, Steve Irwin, you're in good company wherever you are.

I am the World's Largest Idiot

I am so angry right now. I've been really looking forward to the Touch and Go Festival. So what did I do? Nothing. That's right, nothing. In the midst of my busiest work season and heading back to school I completely spaced on buying the tickets and now they are sold out. Angry doesn't even begin to describe it.

Fare Thee Well, Steve Irwin

I come to this post with mixed emotion. While it is a miracle he lived as long as he did putting himself in harm's way far too often, I feel a certain sense of loss as he represents a part of my children's earlier years. OK, the guy was a bit nuts, but I'm thinking he loved the animals. When you compare a crocodile to your wife, I think that is the obvious conclusion.

I'm It!

I haven't been tagged for any reason for a long time, so the game almost feels new. CP tagged me and now I must 'fess up to my objects of literary attraction.

A BOOK THAT HAS CHANGED YOUR LIFE
Well, that's quite a tall order. I honestly can say that I don't think that any ONE book has changed my life. Probably the most influential was Fun With Dick and Jane. You think I am kidding. I'm not. This was probably the first book I read all by myself cover to cover before kindergarten started. I loved reading. I remember being very proud of myself and asking my mom if we could please go back to the library and get more books.

A BOOK THAT YOU HAVE READ MORE THAN ONCE
On the Road by Jack Kerouac
I read this for the first time while I was travelling through Europe on my own. My own adventures gave it depth. Some of it was just crazy messed up shit, but I felt he allowed some of my interior landscape to see the light of day without my having to get arrested for it. Better to live vicariously in some cases. I am an expert at this.

From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler by E.L. Konigsburg
When I was about ten, the wanderlust struck. This book was the precursor to the Europe trip and some serious moving around. I forced my brother and our friends from across the street to read this. We were going to run away to Woodfield Mall. We knew it was large and had fountains with money. We were sure we would succeed. We plotted all of it on the roof of our garage while we threw apples into the neighbor's yard. We got yelled at and we had to abort our mission.

A BOOK THAT MAKES YOU LAUGH
Fargo Rock City by Chuck Klosterman
I think I wet my pants. What a wonderful tribute to how music really does shape your life and provides milestones by which to mark it. Genius!

A BOOK THAT MAKES YOU CRY
I am going to preface this by saying I usually do not seek out to cry while reading, and thus have probably avoided this genre in general. I cried as a child reading The Diary of Anne Frank . It was one of the first times I remember really understanding the suffering that other humans are forced to go through. I teared up reading There Are No Children Here by Alex Kotlowitz. This is when I was reminded how fortunate I was and how easy my life really is. Shuts you up real quick.

A BOOK YOU WISH YOU HAD WRITTEN
The Me Book by Ivar Lovaas
While it may be more of a therapy manual, this book has set thousands of children on a journey towards a better life. He is the guru of my profession and I hold the utmost respect for him. For many years he was considered a renegade, but all the while he continued to gather data and perfect his therapy that undoubtedly has made a profound diffrence in the lives of many children with autism and their families. He gave hope when many had given up.

A BOOK YOU WISH HAD NEVER BEEN WRITTEN
How about Mein Kampf by Adolf Hitler. A book that should never have been written by a man who nevr deserved to be alive.

A BOOK YOU ARE CURRENTLY READING
I belong to the Books of the Month Club. I am currently reading God's Politics by Jim Wallis. I have to REALLY be in the mood for that one. I am also reading Fingersmith by Sarah Waters, a delicious bedtime snack most nights. Additionally, if I am feeling more *Tenacious*, I've read whatever chapter I'm in the mood for from Rip It Up and Start Again by Simon Reynolds. One can never smash too much rock trivia into one's head. Oh wait, maybe you can.

A BOOK YOU'VE BEEN MEANING TO READ
Can I change this to a book I'm going to 'splode if I don't get to read soon? Ever since Echo told me about the unedited version of On the Road coming out next year, I have been crossing days off of my calendar.

My Afternoon

I was walking Bink home from school minding my own business, when some yellow jacket with small insect syndrome decided to take his aggression out on my arm. If I see him again, I'm going to kick his ass. Maybe he'd like to pay the emergency room fee. Have I mentioned that benadryll is coma inducing?

WWBD (What Would a Behaviorist Do?) Vol. III

Dear Behaviorist,
I have an unhealthy relationship with another blog owner. Some people think we're the same person...but we're not. He wants me to *throw down*, but I can't stop *throwing up*! Should I take dance lessons to calm my inner demons?

Signed,
Definitely Not Grant Miller

Dear Definitely,
As we say in the biz, "Put it on extinction." While dance lessons may help you to recover from this toxic relationship, the more important issue is dealing with the behavior of the offending party. If this person is engaging in behavior that is unacceptable to you and you do not want to do the dance of anger, I recommend that you extinguish this party's behavior. Extinction is a planned ignoring of the behavior and is rather effective tool in reducing behavior issues. Initially, you can expect to see an increase in the behavior that is targetted. This is called an extinction burst. No matter how outrageous the behavior, do not engage at this point or you will reinforce the outrageous behavior by giving it attention. After the burst, you will probably begin to see a decline in the behavior. Take data if you have dificulty keeping track of it. I suggest both duration and frequency counts in this case. If you are *tenacious* enough, you will see results. Good luck and remember to take care of yourself.

Eternally Controlling,
The Behaviorist

Celebrity Roast

We all know and love/loathe Grant Miller. But I am afraid he has made some fatal admissions in blogland this week. First he admits that he and his unfathomably beautiful wife are big DMB fans. They like to listen to it turned up to 10. Their neighbors enjoy this as well and reciprocate. It's like some sort of warped "Duelling Banjos."

Now he admits that he has a penchant for "Rock You Like a Hurricane." Grant, don't you know? "No One Like You" is the better Scorpions choice if you must worship the Deutsche Muzik.


Rock You Like a Hurricane


No One Like You

I Hear Fall

For whatever reason, I seem to be seasonal in my listening habits. When the academic year starts, I have this urge to listen to Quadrophenia in its entirety. I haven't done this in a long time, but then again, I haven't been in school for a long time.

I've often thought that if Pete Townshend was born a few years later, he would have been a punk. He was a mod. That might even be better. They rode scooters.

Christian Rock Festivals, Oh My!

OK, so now you all know that I have lived in another world. Now I can tell you about the fabulous Christian rock festivals and the fact that Christian and rock probably don't really coincide. I've done the youth group thing. I did for years. I had a lot of fun. Most of that fun had very little to do with the church and more to do with the fact that we were a bunch of teenagers hanging out together.

So every summer one of the "sanctioned" activities was Cornerstone. This was a huge music festival held at the Lake county fairgrounds at the time. To me, it was another chance to hear loud music and to behave badly. Not so much what I think they had in mind. I could sit here and list all the things that were on the "banned" list for Cornerstone and then I could site examples of how myself and my friends probably broke each and every rule. Use your imagination here, people.

There were a handful of bands that I actually liked. Pictured above is Daniel Amos. Probably the only band I could say I truly respect of the bunch. They really did rock. Their live show was superior and I was always a sweaty mess from dancing the whole time. I miss them. The whole "Christian Rock" thing seems to have morphed over the years. At one time, it was a bit fringe and exciting, at least for those of us who were desperate and stuck in youth groups. Somewhere along the line, record companies figured out that this was yet another money maker and it has all been downhill from there. Just like the Prez, this image seems to sell these days and it is a sad commentary on how anything, apparently including your soul, can be sold.

On Christianity, Kristianity, and Church

While I am sure I can't solve the world's problems or even a majority of my own problems, it can never hurt to start a little discourse. As many who know me can attest, I have gone through my share of struggling with the whole religion question. It has been at the forefront of my life since I was a small child.

I grew up in a family that was very conservative in almost every way. We went to a conservative protestant church. Our church was not at all like the megachurches of today. This was a small local church that felt more like a family. I didn't feel it was plagued with fanaticism. It was a basic Bible believing church. That's it.

If I have any negative feelings about religion from my childhood, it was that I was teased endlessly for going to church. The majority of my neighborhood was Catholic and recent immigrants. Why this made me a target, I don't know. I guess because I was different. They all went to church, just not my church.

When we moved out to the suburbs, we started going to a bigger church. This church was a bit more, how shall we say, evangelical. It was in fact, an Evangelical Free Church. Initially, all this was supposed to mean was that they had broken away from the very formal and organized Lutheran church, but somewhere along the line, it stopped being another church for Scandanavians and became a church for people with right-wing political beliefs.

I have to say, I was good with all of this all the way through high school. I fell for it hook, line and sinker. I will also say that I did have a period of rebellion my first two years in high school, where I refused to take part in the youth group, until I "got caught" and was forced to go. I genuinely enjoyed the youth group for a couple of years. I was full-force evangelical Christian in my beliefs. Ask poor Lulu, she had to live through me trying to "save" her on multiple occasions. What was I thinking? Why she still talks to me, I don't know. I would have run away very quickly in the opposite direction.

Oddly, the thing that set me off on my own was going to a Christian college. I chose to go there. I wanted a small private school and chose Calvin because although it was a Christian school, it was not as militant as many. It was here that I began to see the hypocrisy. It was here that I realized that judging others was a bad idea. It was here that I was exposed to some amazing scholars that challenged my beliefs of what it meant to be a Bible believing Christian. The professors at Calvin were very different from the student population. I still miss some of my professors from Calvin. They were Christians in the same way that I guess I would like to categorize myself now. They were worldly-wise, open minded, intellectual people that never let "religion" get in the way of the truth. I have learned over the years that religion is VERY different from faith. Religion puts things in little boxes, faith sets you free.

For years after college, I didn't set foot in a church unless I was home visiting. I didn't start attending again until I had children. I guess I felt I needed to give them a starting point. We attended a small church in California, much like the church I grew up in. I had minor issues with some political issues, but never felt it was a point of contention and never felt that I was being judged for holding different beliefs. We were very good friends with the pastor and his family. He was an Australian and had been a race car driver before becoming a pastor. They were very real people who were not hypocrites in any way. They openly admitted their struggles as humans. The sermons were usable discourses on life and its difficulties. I still miss them now that we have moved. That, and Sweetness is still minorly in love with one of their boys (they fell in love playing hide and seek under a table at church). We'll discuss arranged marriage another day.

After we moved back to the Chicago area, we started going to Harvest Bible Chapel. Originally, this church was a breakoff of my parents church, which didn't want to follow the same stale path. I do love the pastor, James McDonald. He is an extremely intelligent and funny man. Smart and funny, just like I like them! It's the congregation that gives me the hives. Many are just average people struggling with life. Many are Kristians. I don't like them. I don't want to be seen with them. And I don't agree with them. In my mind, faith and politics do not hold the same space. If they share space it is in a positive, help humanity kind of way. Certainly not in a "we are the only ones who are right" kind of way. We have been going to church less and less, because I struggle all the time with what I am willing to tolerate. We are probably going to switch to the local presbyterian church because the people who attend do not hold the hideous political beliefs that too many of the people at Harvest do. I hate that I have to leave a church because of the people in it.

So, what does all of this mean? I'm not sure. The older I get, the more I realize that it is part of who I am, but I am not willing to sacrifice my integrity for it. I have come to loathe organized religion and I think that's sad. I don't think this is how it's supposed to be. I think we are mere mortals struggling to make it through this world and not one of us holds the answer to anything. Life is a journey of discovery and anyone who claims to hold the key to all of life's mysteries is only fooling themselves. We are imperfect. Thank God.

Mass Suicide

I am calling for a mass suicide of trivia memories in order to make room for more important thoughts. I'll throw the first lemming of a memory over.



How can I go to grad school with crap like this taking up precious space? I am hoping if I throw the first one overboard, other stupid and useless memories will follow. I know all the words to this song for goodness sake. And I'm not a lonely boy.

Solidarity!

WHAM!-Wham Rap
Those who mock may not be able to shake some righteous booty. Perhaps they are jealous of the ass shaking geniuses who are the few, the proud, those who dance to Wham!

Songs From the Confessional Vol. VI

This a double header. So good, that one was not enough. Confessions have been made by many. That'll be five "Our Father's" and six "Hail Mary's." Go forth and sin not.


WHAM!-Bad Boys


GEORGE MICHAEL-Faith

Life in Grand Rapids-Radio Void Vol. V (Of Censorship and Repression)

While we all accepted that WCAL was a cable only station, thus rendering it useless, what was unacceptable was the censorship that occurred at the station. Each and every album that came into the station was reviewed for objectionable material. OK, so no station can air the seven dirty words, but this went quite a bit beyond that. Granted, this was a Christian school, it still seemed extreme. We had to censor anything that might be deemed objectionable material to the Calvin population. Let's just say that we couldn't even announce The Jesus and Mary Chain. We had to call them JMC. Blasphemy!

In addition to lyric censorship, we had to rate each track on the album with a 1-4 rating for the *heaviness* of the song. For instance, Amy Grant might be a 1, but Einsturzende Neubauten was most definitely a 4. 4's were not allowed to be played during meal times. Yes, you heard it right. The station was broadcast into the cafetrias on campus and apparently we might have caused some indigestion.

Did any of this stop me? Why no. It only prodded me on to be as maverick as possible. I rather enjoyed playing "The Only Good Christian is a Dead Christian" by Scraping Foetus Off the Wheel during dinner hour. No one paid attention anyway. I was never removed from the air, but I did leave Calvin after three years in large part because I wanted to spread my little DJ wings and fly. I transferred to WUSC, I mean the University of South Carolina. They had one of the top ten college radio stations in the country at the time. See, I had my priorities straight.

Friday Primal Scream

Sometimes after a rough day it helps to just let it out. I usually feel this way by Friday night. Scream with me, you'll feel better. I promise. A little loud music will do the trick as well. I feel better already.

WWBD (What Would a Behaviorist Do) Vol. II

Dear Behaviorist,
I am married to a man that is a skanky rapper wanna-be and a slut. I often make choices that might appear sort of trailer park. I have millions of dollars and yet I can't seem to get any respect. What does a girl have to do?

Signed,
Ooops, I Did It Again

Dear Oooops,
If respect is what you want, you may need to modify some of your behavior. Behavior modification can be accomplished through many different methods. In your case, which is a bit extreme, I suggest that we use a little negative reinforcement, since positive reinforcement seems to have gone to your head. Try this, act like a responsible adult and parent. Stay away from people who are gold diggers. Wear clothes that reflect your age and social stature (remember you are a millionaire). You will most likely find after a few weeks of doing this that a lot of the negative feedback you have been getting will be gone. In turn, the removal of the adverse conditions will increase the likelihood of your enjoying these new changes and the changes being permanent. You have the financial means to buy all the support and counseling you need to make these changes. What are you waiting for?

Eternally Controlling,
The Behaviorist

Big Black

BIG BLACK-Pavement Saw

Chicago rock aristocracy. They will only be doing a couple of songs at the fest, but I'd pay 35 bucks just for that. And it's going to be the original lineup with Jeff Pezzati. So cool.

Touch and Go

If you've got nothing to do, or something lame planned for September 8-10, then you should be planning on going to possibly one of the best festivals of the year. Every year The Hideout has a big block party. This year they are providing the venue for Touch and Go Records 25th anniversary party. There will be 25 bands playing and it is an amazing collection of musicians. You'll find everything from !!! to Big Black. Yeah, you heard it right. Big Black. Am I shamelessly plugging this? You betcha! A skinny $35 gets you in for all three glorious days of rock heaven. What better way to say "Adios" to summer?

A Perfect Day

How often do you have a perfect day? Today was one of them. My work was unexpectedly cancelled for the day, so Sweetness, Bink and I decided we should go to the zoo. The polar bear has always been one of our favorites.



Sweetness and Bink were very impressed by the size of the lion's paws.



For some reason, the beaver really liked Bink and seemed to play with him.



And how can you not love a penguin with such great eyebrows?



After we left the zoo, we met Lulu for dinner at Hamburger Mary's and then went to get ice cream.


We wrapped up the day at Lulu's. Lulu and I had a chance to talk and she amused the kids with her large collection of Edward Gorey books. Does life get any better? Today we were Bubblemen. Today we had antennas and danced.

Still Wondering

Do you ever have those thoughts that wake you up in the middle of the night? 25 years later, I am still wondering...what on earth does "Turning Japanese" mean?

WWBD (What Would a Behaviorist Do) Vol. I

In this column I will attempt to provide answers for mundane as well as extreme behavior issues. Feel free to send in any behavior related questions in the comment section.

Dear Behaviorist,
In the past, when I've locked my keys in the car, I end up breaking a window in a fit of rage or drink myself into a stupor and end up face down in a gutter. Should I get remote keyless entry?

Signed,
Forever Losing My Keys

Dear Keyless,
The antecedent (trigger/stimulus) for your behavioral outbursts is clearly locking your keys in the car. While remote keyless entry is a nice option for automobiles, I do not recommend buying a whole new car to solve your problem. My recommendation to avoid this behavior in the future is to do one of two things. One, have an extra set of keys made and give them to someone with a better memory than you. Two, leave a note to yourself to remove keys from car upon exiting the vehicle. Additionally, I may suggest that you reinforce yourself for remembering your keys. Perhaps a cheery note to yourself upon arriving home and managing to put your keys on the key hook might suffice. Be creative with your reinforcer. Remember, the reinforcer has to be strong enough to increase the likelihood of the good behavior (remembering keys). Really, this is a simple case of stimulus control. If you control the stimulus by not allowing the possibility of having your only friggin' set of keys locked in your car, the negative behaviors will be happily avoided. I also suggest seeing a psychiatrist as your emotional/behavioral outbursts suggest emotional lability, which can be a sign of deeper issues. Happy motoring!

Eternally Controlling,
The Behaviorist

Painting by Numbers

Well, this isn't my garage, but I will be painting my garage this weekend. woohoo. I live a wild life, unfettered by the mundane. Anyone who wants to join in on the fun is welcome. Free booze until you drop and some barbeque. Sound like a fair deal? RSVP for a weekend of fabulous fun.

Video Tribute to Family Fun Vol. I

OASIS-Don't Look Back in Anger

Here are some words of wisdom from the famous feuding Gallagher brothers. Hey, they air their contempt in the public eye. Maybe it's cathartic?

I Hate Schedules

As summer begins to fade away, the reality of the school year and all that it means sets in. My kids will have schedules, all my clients will have new schedules, my school work will need a schedule and I will have to deal with it all. Weaving all these schedules together can go one of two ways. It can either be a gracefully choreographed ballet of days and times or it can be a demolition derby with the pushiest one winning the prize. I can already tell that this fall it will be the demolition derby.

Everyone wants me to do things and be places on the same day and at the same time. If there were several of me, that'd work out swell. However, with just one of me and with lots of driving to fit in, it is logistically impossible. So now I am left with the task of disappointing and angering people. Not much I can do.

Oh well, might as well dance!

Songs From the Confessional Vol. V

Great football players. Bad rap. Not better than The Beatles.

I AM NOT A PYROMANIAC!!!!!

Lulu won't let me burn Comfy Chair and thinks I am a pyromaniac. Aren't the flames pretty?

Life in Grand Rapids-Radio Void Vol. IV (Big Boots and a Broken Chair)

This is a story about cinnamon rolls and Naked Raygun. When I went to Calvin I became involved in the radio station. It was a putsy little cable only station, meaning only the students on campus could get it. Lame, though it was, I adored working as a DJ and Music Director there. One of my favorite things about working there was the ability to help promote bands that were coming through town.

So, Naked Raygun was slated to come play at the Sons and Daughters Hall (basically a VFW) in Grand Rapids. I called their manager and arranged for the band to come to the station to do a live on-air interview. We promoted the shit out of it. Signs up everywhere, announcements 24/7, the works. On the way to Grand Rapids, Naked Raygun's van broke down and so they were running late and didn't have time to do the interview. We were all a little disappointed, especially me because I was and am a huge fan.

We went to the show that evening and met up with the guys and decided to try it again in the morning. Lines got crossed and after waiting for them at the station for awhile, we posted a note with our home address and instructions to meet at our house if they were still interested. After waiting at the house for awhile, we again gave up and due to hunger went to the most awesome breakfast joint in the world, Breakfast Just Breakfast, that was at the end of our street. We left our high school friends to wait in the house in case they arrived.



Shortly after sitting down to eat, a winded teen came running into the restaurant yelling, "Naked Raygun are in your living room!" I thought the kid was going to faint. We all ran back and sure enough, there they were, big boots and all sitting in our living room. Now I have done many interviews with bands over the years, but none in my home. This was a first.

The guys were jovial and fun to talk to and we had a most excellent time. The high school kid still remembers it to this day. I think it was the most exciting thing that happened to him in GR. As I've mentioned before, GR is not a hotbed of social activity. Over the years, I've had the pleasure to interview and get to know Jeff Pezzati. He is an intelligent and interesting guy who can rock your brains right out of your head. I am glad they were so persistent with that interview. It's one of my favorite memories.

Life in Grand Rapids-Radio Void Vol. III (Wherein Jim Morrison Appears in the Rafters)

This is the story of the infamous birthday party. Two of my good friends had birthdays very near the end of the school year. We decided to celebrate them together and sent out invitations with Baudelaire's "Be Drunk" written on the front. That was the start of the downward spiral into excess.

The party took place in the large and cavernous attic of a very old house. Red wine was plentiful as was herbal remedy. The herbs were quite powerful and took many of us by surprise. Some recount tales of rooms spinning. Some recount tales of nausea. One saw the very image of Jim Morrison in the rafters of the old attic, arms outstretched like a Christ figure. Jim lingered for quite awhile, speaking to our friend.

The party was a memorable one for many. Jim's presence gave weight to our endeavors. We think he would have approved.

OK Go Are My New Heroes

Ooooooo, I am going to have so much fun at the gym tomorrow! Who wants to come with me?

Life in Grand Rapids- Radio Void Vol.II

Why I have a crappy undergrad GPA:
1. Too much time at the radio station
2. Popov Vodka

Popov Vodka and I have grown apart over the years, but we used to be close friends. I used to hang out with him every weekend at Calvin College. He was clear and would mix right into my beverage and the RA couldn't tell we were drinking him. I went to a Christian college and I was not supposed to be friends with Popov. He wasn't supposed to visit me in my room and I wasn't supposed to invite him to parties. But, of course, I did.

My friend Dwayne worked at the Plainfield Gas and Grocery and would bring Popov over after work. We weren't old enough to be hanging around with Popov, but Dwayne would sneak him over. Then we would party with Popov in our dorm room. After that, it was anybody's guess as to what would happen next.

My favorite memory of Popov was when we went to a park together at about 2 a.m.. We decided that riding on the merry-go-round in the park was a swell idea. Popov had convinced us of that. Round and round we went. Faster and faster. Then, I realized, I'd had enough of Popov. Over to the bushes I ran to get away from him. Well, I don't remember the rest. I don't think Popov had my best interests at heart.

The next day I had to get up at 6:30 to go babysit three boys for the day. Popov was still with me, making my head hurt and my stomach ache. I wanted him to go away. Even Alka Seltzer wouldn't make him go away. Those three boys had no mercy for me and my problems with Popov. That was the day that I realized I would never allow myself to be a soccer mom. Let's just say that Popov and three soccer games are a bad combo.

Popov had many adventures with us. Some of them at the previously mentioned Club 67. Some of them at parties. Some of them in our room. Sometimes I miss Popov and all the fun we had together and how he made me laugh. But I think my life is better without him, little GPA wrecker.

Songs From the Confessional Vol. IV

Deep breath, I am outting myself in this volume. Much like Echo, I berate myself for liking such trash, but I smile the second I hear it and sing along. I know better, but I am weak. God damn you, Daryl and John! God damn you to hell!

Jim Babjak is the Man

THE SMITHEREENS-Blues Before and After

Wow, that Jim Babjak sure can play. If I ever met him, I'd certainly give him the praise he's due. I mean, you'd have to be a total tool to just stand there while he's playing. I hear the guy really holds a grudge, too.

Everybody Needs a Little Silly

I tend to sway between angry and pensive to silly and goofy with very few stops in between. Luckily, Love and Rockets appear to have the same sway. Sometimes the Bubblemen need to dance into your life, antennas waving in the breeze. I needed them today. Take them with you in your head and the world becomes a better place.

Life in Grand Rapids-Radio Void Vol. I

Going to college in Grand Rapids, Michigan was an interesting experience. Grand Rapids is a mid-sized town. Large enough to have malls and other conveniences, but small enough that entertainment is limited. Most obvious was the lack of a nightlife to speak of. It's not a "college town" even though it has at least three colleges in it that I can think of. No student occupied bars, no clubs, not much to do.

So what do you do when there is no mainstream offering and you're only 18? You hang at the local gay bar, that's what. From the first time our motley crew entered, it oddly felt like home. It had a small dance floor, loud music, and was a friendly scene. And the big bonus, they would serve us even though we were clearly under age.

As a female, it was great! I could hang out with my friends and never had to worry about the slobbering drunken idiots that plague you as the night wears on. The only possible negative side effect was that I know far too many disco anthems. I will happily dance and sing along with "It's Raining Men." I also own all the Culture Club albums. I suppose I could call this my private shame, but at this point it's become a fond memory.

Pandora's Box

For many, listening to music is a form of escape. But what happens when that same music turns into a prison. A little invisible prison, inside your head that no one else knows exists, until you start humming. I am trapped in that little prison today. The prison of "The Adjective Song." Keeps...playing...can't...stop...it. Only really old songs have this sort of power. They are hardwired into your neural network. Just pray to god the switch to turn it off is working.

Like a Palate Cleansing Sorbet

NICK LOWE-Cruel to be Kind

I've got to get rid of that nasty taste left in my mouth. Well, except for the taste of sweet victory!

Hi. My name is Tenacious S and I am a blogaholic.

OK, I knew it was a disease and that I was out of control when I neared my home after work today and my heart actually skipped a beat when I thought, "Oooooo, I can check my blog when I get home." I've admitted the problem. Now what?

Round Four-BAM!!!!

LIONEL RITCHIE-Hello

Give up and go home. Come back when you are a worthy opponent.

Ding! Round Three, the Tenacious One is Not Even Breaking a Sweat

EDDIE MURPHY-Party All the Time

I have never seen anyone look so uncomfortable in his own skin.

Round Two....Ding!

BILLY SQUIER-Rock Me Tonite

Bring it on!!!! I'm just getting started!!!!

It's a Throwdown!

PAT BENATAR-Love is a Battlefield

Young misunderstood woman wins by smacking fate down with a boobalicious dance. What?

Songs From the Confessional Vol. III

LAURA BRANIGAN-Gloria

I love Sundays!!! Outing embarassing musical indulgences is such fun. Three guesses who this one belongs to(no blabbing, CP).

Virtual Night Out

DETHOLZ!-Kiss Me in Space

Well, I wanted to go see these guys tonight in all their spastic gloriousness, but it ain't gonna happen. Here's a virtual performance clip. I am old and lame.

40 Rocks!!!!!

ALTERED IMAGES-Happy Birthday

Mindy, hope you are having a great weekend. I recommend a nap to bolster your stamina for serious hard partying. We old folks need our rest if we're going rage. Happy Birthday!

For Anonymous

BLOC PARTY-Banquet

I love them. 80's retro fun repackaged for now.

Friday Night in Hell

SCANDAL-The Warrior

I agree with Echo that this may possibly be one of the worst videos ever. I think when you are in hell they make you drink Boone's Farm until you puke and watch this video. Oh, and a little Jaegermeister for some hair of the dog the next day.

Hang the DJ

If you don't like it, hang the DJ. But remember kids, I have matches.

Hot or Not

There has been discussion about "lists" and who's on them and who's hot and who's not. So, here you go. You tell me, hot or not.

Tomorrow is the Day

THE THE-This is the Day

Tomorrow all of my paperwork for graduate school (again) is due. I have dragged my feet as long as I could and now can no longer avoid the inevitable. I know I have to do it. I'm a little scared and a little excited.

Back on Earth

THE JAM-That's Entertainment

After flying through the blogosphere at the speed of sound yesterday, I'm a little more grounded today. So, hope you enjoyed the show. I wish I could say it was a bad reaction to Starbucks, but I've got no real excuse.

Manic Monday

NINE INCH NAILS-Closer

Not quite The Bangles. My manic Mondays tend more towards the "what kind of deviant trouble is brewing in my brain?" I think I may be having Theraflu withdrawal, but I am not sure. One thing I can tell you is that I am afraid/excited to go to sleep tonight, because the dreams are still a bit untamed. So, enjoy the videographic and sanitized version of my brain.

Manic Panic

Yeah, so I've done a little soul searching again. Something I should probably avoid, because it never leads to anything interesting or fun. I've been evaluating, again, some of my behavior, or at least rewound the tape of my thought process lately. It basically goes like this.
1. Turn it up.
2. No, louder.
3. That doesn't seem angry enough.
4. When is the next show?
5. What can I mix with Theraflu?
6. Why don't we open that other bottle.
7. Ooo, another smartass comment to read.
8. I need to check the blogs again.
9. I need to check the blogs again.
10. I'm bored again.

I know from past experience that I have a bit of a tendency for manic depression. Not anything that is clinically, like, "Oh my god, you need meds!" But enough so that I recognize when I start a cycle like this one of stuff just never being enough and me constantly seeking more of everything, I'm headed for trouble. I know I am an adult, but I really am up for a weekend of poor behavior. Of course, I have enough control to keep myself in check, but I feel like a caged tiger right now. Just don't open the door.

Our Dinner Guest

Meet our dinner guest. Every summer my kids enjoy catching cicadas in their beetle-type form and watching them morph into the adult winged form. They come out of the ground around dusk. We bring them inside and have a special container to keep them in. They usually pop out of their shell around 10 at night, so the kids stay up late to watch the show. Tonight, Lulu was over and we ate a bit late. So as not to miss a moment, our cicada became the table ornament. Lulu was not very appreciative, but kindly allowed it. I'm happy to say it is safely unfolding its wings now. We'll let it fly away tomorrow. Am I weird? I think this is one of the coolest things on earth.

Welcome to the Time Warp

BUZZCOCKS-What Do I Get?

OK, wow. First of all, you need to know that this show was one of the hotteset shows I've ever been to. Like it was about 100 degrees inside the Double Door last night. The show was sold out, so it was also packed. Packed full of people who came to worship the scrappy start of honest to God punk rock. While the Buzzcocks may be celebrating their 30 year anniversary this month, they did not sound worn out or tired.

What we (Lulu and I) witnessed last night was a mighty roar from a band that is owed so much. I can't count the number of bands that claim the Buzzcocks as a major influence. Certainly many of the bands I listen to fall into that category. In fact , the bratty opening band from LA, The Adored, clearly ripped their act from the Buzzcocks book. Snotty, prancy little prats they were. And tinny when compared to the roar of sound that eminated from the speakers later in the evening.

So, unless I am wrong, I think the Buzzcocks are now basically Pete Shelley and Steve Diggle. Pete still delivers his vocals as if he didn't give a shit. Steve Diggle, however, appeared to be having the time of his life. Both of them looked and acted like they do in the video above, just with a bit of middle age pudge and some "character lines." To be kind, I think about 80% of the audience could be described in the same manner.

They played every song you wanted them to play. I can't think of one that was missing. If they had a flaw, it was that every once in awhile Steve Diggle would get a little too exhuberant and get a bit ahead of the rest of the band. Bravo to his youthful performance. I never once felt that they were bored or tired. I didn't feel that they were only there to make money. They seemed to be having as much fun as everyone in the crowd and were at least twice as sweaty as the rest of us. The sweat didn't stop them from playing and it didn't stop me from dancing. Although the crazy dance award of the night goes to some young lads a couple of rows in front of us who pogoed their way through most of the show. Yeah, I would've been carted off in an ambulance had I done that.

Almost as entertaining as the show, was the scene outside when the show was over. Imagine if you will a mass of sweaty middle aged people propped up against the side of the building and spilled out into a neighborhood whose typical demographic is mid-20's hipster. The young ones would walk past us with confused looks on their faces. Prize number two of the night goes to camoflauge kilt guy. This guy was awesome! Beer belly and all, he proudly wore his very cool kilt with some Doc Martins. Apparently, his wife refuses to be seen with him when he wears this. Hats off!

We briefly chatted with people on the way out about the old days at "The Metro" and Exit and Neo. I felt all night as if I knew many people in the room from some former life. I still go to many shows, but I did feel a true kindred spirit with those there last night. Definitely one of the best shows I have ever been to.

Songs From the Confessional Vol. II

HUEY LEWIS AND THE NEWS-Hip To Be Square

Secret shame wears many faces. Some of them in extreme close-up singing about how they've settled down and cut their hair. Oh, Huey, I don't recall a day when you were anything but square.

The Key

LOVE AND ROCKETS-Yin and Yang the Flowerpot Man

'nuff said. The key to my heart.

No Looky

LIVE-I Alone

I happen to love this song, but until today had never seen the video. Holy crap! I wish I had never seen it. Now these horrible images are burned into my brain. This is one of the worst videos I have ever had the displeasure of viewing. So, I am now calling out for references for other videos, ones made by respectable bands with unfortunate videos. Geez, was this guy on crack, acid, or meth?

Gettin' My Goth On

BAUHAUS-She's in Parties

Perhaps there's something about being sick in the summer that is making me feel morose today. Anyhow, the goth gods of Bauhaus seem the appropriate choice today. Behold their majesty, I mean pretentiousness, I mean overacting, ................. And I still love them from the cobweb covered corners of my heart.

Summer Bummer

I know this is not an intellectual or titillating topic, but there really is not much worse than being sick in the middle of the summer. I've had people say to me, "Gosh, I don't know anyone who is sick right now." Gee, thanks. You know me and I'm sick and I'm standing right in front of you and I'm at work. It's as if you are some sort of mutant species who dares to be sick in the summer. Basically, it blows.

Worse, I constantly am in the line of fire at my job. I work with small children in their homes. This apparently means that I am willing to expose myself to dread illnesses simply because I work in a home. "Well, you came here!" You know, if I knew that junior had a fever of 102, I probably wouldn't be here. People take liberties with my health all of the time. I literally got puked on once before the mom told me the kid was feeling a bit "under the weather." I happen to know that this particular disease I have is from Switzerland. I feel somehow exotic, yet still completely crappy.

A Little 'XRT, A Little Lulu

THE POLECATS-Make a Circuit With Me

Some of my favorite moments have been spent driving around with Lulu listening to WXRT. You never know what they'll play. Most of it is predictable, sort of, but every once in awhile they play a jem like this. Lulu begged me immediately to post this today. Of course, Lulu. Anything for you!

Swedes with a Cowbell

THE SOUNDS-Song With a Mission

What does rock need these days? Why, more Scandanavians and of course, more cowbell. I actually really like this band. I heard them for the first time a few years ago on JBTV (a really small time local video show that I can never remember when it is on). I'm hoping to catch them on the Warped Tour.

Songs From the Confessional Vol. I

Sunday shall now be Songs From the Confessional. Here I will trot out for all to view the guilty pleasures of our little blogosphere. Some may cringe, some may cry. Some may just wonder WTF?!? We all have our dirty little secrets. Let the public humiliation begin. You know who you are......

Crossing Over

There definitely was a moment when I crossed over from listening to the same crap everyone else did, to being more adventurous. Before our neighborhood got MTV, there was this great little video show called MV3. I rushed home from high school each afternoon to watch it. While it does explain my penchant for New Wave, it also exposed me to some really great stuff. I remember seeing X on the show and thinking how cool they were. I knew then that nothing would be the same again. And it wasn't . Thank God.

Wild on Woodfield

OK GO- A Million Ways

My daughter became a quivering 12 year old in Woodfield Mall today. We went on what we thought was just an ordinary shopping trip with a friend and her little girl. As we walked out of Hot Topic (where else would we be?) we heard some music start to play. Emma and I quickly realized it was live and that it was Emma's current favorite band, OK Go. I thought the kid was going to FREAK OUT! She was grinning from ear to ear and bouncing and sort of squealing. She is not the kind of girl to do this, so I was a bit shocked when this all started.

Then what was already a very cool thing went nuclear. They announced that the band would be signing autographs. I remembered that we had the CD in the car, and like the dutiful mother that I am, I RAN out to the car to fetch it. Emma waited in line and paced and got all nervous the closer we got. When she finally got up there she was breathing erratically and sweating profusely. I think she actually held her breath as all four of them signed it.

If you ever wondered about hysterical fans and who they are, I'll tell you. They are 12 year old girls. Emma is a pretty cool customer most of the time, but when faced with her idols, she dissolved into what she actually is, a giddy little girl. She, of course, had to call her best friend and rub it in her face almost immediately after it was over. Where would the joy be if she couldn't make someone jealous with her incredible fortune?

Just for the record, I really like them, too. They are goofy and dorky and the best part of all was after they finished playing they did the dance from the video for us. Who knew you coud have so much fun at the mall?

Stalking '80's Style

YAZ- Don't Go

Kic-kihn it '80's style! Some creepy yet fashionable stalking from the fabulous Alison Moyet. Voices like that don't come around often. Echo, this one is dedicated to you.

Housemartins or The Wiggles?

THE HOUSEMARTINS-Happy Hour

You know, I wouldn't have wondered that back in the '80's because The Wiggles gratefully didn't exist then. I love the Housemartins. God bless 'em.

Hey, Baby, it's the Fourth of July

4TH OF JULY (X)

Video Code provided by VideoCodeZone.Com

X- Fourth of July

I've had this song in my head all day. Happy 4th of July everyone!

Funk to Funky

DAVID BOWIE-Ashes to Ashes

If you know me, you know that if I was stranded on a desert island and could only bring one album/CD, I'd have to go with Bowie. I could happily forsake all else and live my days listening to his voice croon about odd and interesting places I've never been on this planet or in my mind. Basically, I never get bored.

Sunday Night=The Young Ones

MOTORHEAD-Ace of Spades

Many many years ago, in a land far far away (Grand Rapids, MI) we all would gather around the TV on Sunday night to watch The Young Ones on MTV. The fabulous part about this show was not only was it completely goofy, but they often featured a pretty cool band. This particular clip was one of my favorites. Sadly, The Young Ones didn't last long on MTV. Gosh, now you can watch My Super Sweet Sixteen instead. No wonder this generation of kids is screwed up. More Lemmy less spoiled princesses. That's what the world needs.

Wheeeee!

THE METHADONES-Say Goodbye to Your Generation

I can't tell you how much I have enjoyed seeing these guys live. They are everything that is fun about music. I get to see them on the 5th and I'm totally geeked. If you live in Chicago, they are playing the early show at the Beat Kitchen. Big fun!

The Other Elvis

ELVIS COSTELLO-Pump It Up

My son was watching this with me and seemed perplexed. "That doesn't look like Elvis," he said. "Honey, there is more than one Elvis, it's just a name. Isn't this Elvis fun?" He watched for awhile and then asked, "What's wrong with his legs?"

Wouldn't You LiKe To Be A Pepper Too?

RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS-Fight Like a Brave

I can never decide how I feel about the RHCP. There are things I like about them, and things that I am not so excited about. For instance, I love their goofiness, but have a hard time with them because they are so "LA." I definitely liked their original guitar player, Hillel. Sadly, I don't think he liked himself very well. Anyhow, I submit to you vintage Peppers for your viewing pleasure. One last comment, Flea is awesome!

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

SIGUE SIGUE SPUTNICK-Love Missile F1-11

Wow. That's about all I can say. A major label actually funded this. What were they thinking.

80's-O-Riffic

The future seemed so much more interesting then. What happened?

Holy Crap! Nothing Has Changed!

So I had the great fortune of spending time with one of my mom's dear friends this past weekend. We talked for quite some time. We reminisced about old times. We used to vacation in the previously mentioned cabin in Wisconsin with her and her family for years when I was growing up. I had a mini breakdown when we were on vacation, as being there was another "first" without my mom. It was always a source of such fond memories and now it seemed somehow changed. Anyhow, back to mom's friend. We recalled all the silly times we spent together. And then she started recalling my less than stellar behavior that reared its ugly head during my teenage years up there.

Before I know it, she starts telling me how she was so worried about me because I was so enthralled with music. Apparently, I forced her to listen to some of my music (who knows what it was). She said she told me at the time that I should not make music such a focus in my life. I know the undertone here is that I should always have God at the center of my life. She must have looked at me on Friday night and thought she saw a respectable adult woman who had "turned her life around." I am afraid to say that I don't think I have really changed that much. Generally, I no longer ride around with driver's who pull over to puke, but I still like my music and I like it loud. Perhaps it is an addiction, but it really has brought nothing but happiness and a bit of hearing loss to my life. I didn't think it was wrong then and I don't think it is wrong now.

Video of the Day

WALL OF VOODOO-Mexican Radio
Remember the early days of MTV when they actually occasionally played cool videos? I would stay up until 2 or 3 in the morning to wait for something they announced 3 hours before they played it. Wow, I had a lot of free time.

Get Lucky Lines From Hell

I was reading Coaster Punchman's blog and thinking about the various reasons I dumped people. But then I got to thinking, what about those that really didn't make it to full "dumped" status. Those few and proud that gave you a line that pretty much just ended it right then and there. Here are a few of my favorites.

1. "Smile, honey. You look much prettier when you smile."
This was an idiot in South Carolina who clearly mistook me for some southern belle who would be fetchin' slippers for him. Yeah, no.
2. "Don't worry, I'm Catholic."
What? Don't worry? You don't believe in birth control? Time to zip up the pants.
3. "Do I have to write this down as the week I didn't get any?"
Yes, you do.

Music Video of the Day/Week (MTV my way)

NAKED RAYGUN-Vanilla Blue
New fun for my few readers, the new video of the day/week. It was hard to choose at first, so I went with what has been near and dear to my heart, but not necessarily to my hearing ability. Hope you all enjoy!

Summertime Blues

Unlike The Who, I do think there is a cure for the summertime blues. It's called vacation. After being pounded relentlessly by work, we are leaving for a week in northern Wisconsin. Not an exotic destination I know, but exactly what I want. We stay on a small lake that only has homes on one side, the other is the Nicolet National Forest. Mostly, it's just us and the loons, which there are a lot of on this particular lake. They have freaky red eyes if you ever get the chance to see one up close.

The best part about this lake is the fact that no matter how much you try, your cell phone doesn't work. If you drive into the nearest town, which has a small grocery, a bar, a hardware store, a mechanic, a post office, and a cafe that is only open until lunch, you will still only get about two bars. Enough to check messages. There is not a whole lot to do besides swim and fish and lay in the sun with a good book. I'm a little bummed, because their brochure said they recently put a TV in the cabin. Why? I've been going to this same cabin since I was a kid and I never missed TV then, and I certainly wouldn't now. Too many supper clubs to go to in the evening. Oh, and local dirt track stock car races, the water ski show, and the coolest go-kart track I've ever been to. Why the heck would you need a TV? Even when it rains, there are games and puzzles and a great rec room (at the main lodge up the road) with air hockey, bumper pool and indoor shuffle board. TV has no place in this mix. Although it is worth it to try and catch the local news at least once for a good laugh.

Oh, and Lulu knows the best part. If you drive into the "big" town of Eagle River the candy store has the most awesome cinnamon ice cream ever!

Get Your Own!

Dear Evil Edward Lusters,
While we do recognize the need for Ed fixes, we suggest a better alternative. Get a load of these kitties! Yes, you too could be the proud owner of one of Ed's brothers or sisters. And aren't they gorgeous? Raised in verdent Oregon at Dragon Heart Cattery, these are nature's finest. Enjoy.

Signed,
Edward and his owners

P.S. The offspring of Lord Duncan and Lady Gwenivere are his "peeps."

My Daughter Kicks Ass

My sweet delicate flower apparently had an encounter that could only occur within the walls of a middle school. Being the smart child that she is, she has learned to avoid those nasty girls who gossip and bully. She has become a "creative" dresser. I say this because she does not like to be labeled at all. She says it makes her feel like a soup can.

So, she came home the other day and told me she had an encounter with one of the queen bees at her school. Apparently, from what I've been told, this was the exchange.

Queen Bee: You're weird.

Sweetness and Light: Yeah, well you're stupid.

Queen Bee: (Referring to Sweetness' killer knee-high punk boots) Those boots are for sluts.

Sweetness and Light: No they're not. They're for kicking your ass. (Sweetness stomps off in boots.)

At this moment I could not be more proud of my offspring.

Slacker

I hadn't intended to be a blog slacker, but I guess I became one. One week became two and now a whole month. What happened? I don't really know. It started with celebrating Emma's 12th birthday and ended with my annual IEP (Individual Education Plan) season, which is a lot like tax time for a CPA.

Actually, I lie. It ended with a fabulous trip to Jamaica where the weather was perfect and my only complaint is that I got some bug bites (they are awfully itchy). The most fun and interesting part of the vacation is when we left the resort property and went to a local reggae dance hall on the beach one night. I can only liken it to a wild west saloon. Think of all the lawlessness and stereotyped figures there. Now insert a fabulous rasta beat and you've got the picture. I was especially impressed with the local ladies......I did not know that go-go boots could be silver AND have silver fur. I felt so underdressed.

So, I think I'm officially back. I know I owe the kitty lust club some pictures, but you sickos are just going to have to wait. Ed ain't goin' anywhere, so his fabulousness will have to wait for another time. I have big plans this weekend to take the middle school posse to an all ages gen-u-wine punk rock show. No booze. Ouch.

Scrambled Eggs

If you have ever wondered what happens when you add a pile of hormones to the brain of a 12 year old, I can tell you the answer. You get scrambled eggs. It is entirely possible that scrambled eggs have a higher IQ than a middle school child. It doesn't matter how smart they have been or how well behaved they have been. They hit puberty and all bets are off. It's kind of like watching molasses drip from a spoon. That's what it looks like when they are thinking. And often, like today, they are not thinking at all. Last week my lovely "forgot" to call and check in before leaving where she was about 20 minutes after I called specifically to remind her to call me. Today, even though being told to exit the passenger side of the vehicle, our neighbor boy opened my driver side rear door into traffic, only to have it bent in such a manner that the whole thing has to be replaced now. I now understand why my parents were always so exasperated looking. I guarantee I did the same stupid stuff.

Birthday Fabulousness

Stay tuned for the photo memories of Edward's first birthday. He will be one tomorrow!

Delinquent

I realize that I am severely delinquent (as noted by the title) in "publishing." I have also been told by a couple of people that I have not been very available lately either. I assure all of you that I am not out having enourmous quantities of fun and not including you. What I can tell you is that taxes are done and work has hit an all time high for most nerve shattering. There have been days where were it not for the laughs I get from everyone else's blogs, I would lead a humorless existence. Well, except for the daily Emma-isms, which keep me going. I, however, will soon be living in abject poverty, as I discovered today that they are opening a Hot Topic at the Lincolnwood Mall. I told Scott to lock his money away. That, or buy stock in the Tripp clothing company. The child is obsessed with the chain, zipper, pant things. She already asked if she could go work there. I reminded her that you must be 16 to work. What, is she crazy? Why the hell would you want to start working any sooner than absolutely necessary? I'm constantly trying to figure how to get out of it!

So, as I dragged Emma around the mall today, I began to think of my inner being. Weird, I know, but I think I am secretly a 13 year old skate punk. And I don't think I'm a girl. I really want a pair of Vans and some loose long shorts, a great skateboard and a reason to listen to loud music without having to excuse myself in one way or another, and possibly to be in some bad garage band. I'm not sure what this means, but Emma said her inner child was a seven year old and she didn't know what that meant either. I do know that I am dangerously addicted to cargo pants and hoodies and someone needs to stop me. I can find them in any store. They call to me. Well, those and any shirt with a skull somewhere on it. Yup, I bought one today. You can never have too many "show" shirts. I classify my wardrobe that way, you know. I have therapy clothes (which gratefully are just regular casual clothes , meeting clothes (which are nicer adult clothes), and "show" clothes (because you must look cool when you rock out). Biggest problem here is, I don't think I ever look cool at 41. I think it all has to stop soon. Well,at least the clothes part. OK, that's enough for now.

Gas and Go

So, I'm driving down a street in my town heading off to work. I come to a stop light, and with nothing better to do, I survey the scene around me while I wait. I've stopped in front of a gas station and this is where the "what the heck?" occurred. I notice this vehicle pulling away from the pump. What happened next was something I never could have predicted. Apparently the oblivious person driving the vehicle has not noticed that the nozzle from the pump is still in his gas tank. He drives off. The nozzle and hose break free from the pump, whip towards the car and instantly shatter his rear window into a million little pieces. This is when I begin laughing so hard I'm about to pee. He was driving a BIG RED SUV!!!! Ah, Karma.

Done!

So, today I completed my application for graduate school. After grappling with the how's and why's, and believe me, there were a lot of those, I decided to go for an MS in Psychology to be followed by my BCBA (Board Certified Behavior Analyst). I can do it all online, which was a huge factor when I started thinking about the kids and the amount of work I already have. I also had to consider what I really wanted from this. At first, I was afraid to choose this path because it involves relying a lot on referrals. But the more I thought about it, I have built a good reputation for myself and now have a nice base of references. I think I'll be OK. Being a consultant has its drawbacks, but I think I can handle them and the perks ended up outweighing the drawbacks.

So, hopefully they will want me. I got a little nervous when I saw my undergrad GPA, hence the new byline for my blog. I really blew it academically a few times, due to my "lack of focus." But I have to say, I welcome the chance to redeem myself. Gratefully, most online universities do not have radio stations.

I Think I've Figured It Out

So, I've been feeling kind of lame for wanting to go see so much live music. I've wondered if I'm having a mid-life crisis. I've actually wondered if something is wrong with me. I've spent way too much time worrying about why I seem to be obsessed. Then it slowly sank in. I've basically spent the past twelve years raising kids and not going out much or seeing any shows or listening to what I want to listen to. Now they are are older and more self-sufficient. Now I finally have some of my freedom back. So, I'm back to doing what I've always loved, listening to music. It's not new or different. I have been somewhat obsessive about music since high school. My obsession just had to take a ten year break and now it's back with a vengeance.

I'm not going to apologize to anyone about why I feel compelled to turn it up too loud or why I want to see tons of shows. I figure soon enough I won't want to, so why not enjoy it now? I still love my old favorites and am loyal to them, but I've found lots of new stuff, too. At one point in my life, I wanted to make a career of working in the music industry. Then I found out how completely slimey it is and gave up. It always made me a little sad that it never came to be, but I've never regretted the choices I've made regarding work. All this is to say, yes, I probably am a smidge more obsessive about music than most people, but I think it's part of who I am and I'm OK with it.

As for my very specific interest in The Bomb, it's pretty simple. Naked Raygun was one of my favorite bands "back in the day." They were incredible trailblazers, setting the table for success for so many that followed them. While they had a good ride here in Chicago, they never really achieved the level of success that many critics feel they deserved. Jeff Pezzati was their frontman and now fronts The Bomb. I'm there to show support for the years of amazing music he produced and to support his band in their efforts now. I consider him a hometown hero. Not only has he had his own bands, but he has been instrumental in supporting other local artists through his label. This guy is invested and is for real. I learned in college working at the station how important it is to support your local scene. It's kind of like buying books at the independent bookstore or from a small press. It allows for more variety and for different voices and styles other than the commercial mainstream to be heard. So, yup, I go to all their shows and invite everyone I know. Come if you like, stay home if you want. I fully realize that not everyone likes what I like, thank God.

Scarier Than Halloween

Hold an image like this in your mind. It's what gets a parent through the day. This is a picture of a moment where everything is right. That doesn't happen often in parenting. Being a parent is only a part of who I am, but in many ways, it has changed me forever. It's not cool, it's frequently not fun, and it is thankless most of the time. I only hope that when we release these two into the world, that they will give back to our world. In this job, though, there are no guarantees. I often feel like I am leaping into an abyss.

It was so much easier when they were babies. Everyone complains about all the work it takes when they are infants. I would gladly take a day of diapers at this point. It was much easier. This is the part where it gets hard. Trusting is difficult and easily messed up. I know all about it, because I screwed up bigtime when I was young. Maybe that's why I get scared. I get it now. No matter how many times I try to help them avoid the same mistakes I made when I was growing up, they probably will have to figure it out for themselves. It is a bizarre existence right now. I can almost feel my childhood experiences being erased from history as a new generation begins to make all the same ones for the "first time." There is no Vulcan mind meld that I can do to pass my knowledge to them. I just get to watch them flounder and hope they listened.

Take This You Evil Edward Lusters

Poor Edward. Stalked relentlessly by anonymous kitty freaks. Kitty is scared!

Crappy Birthday To Me!

I think I hold the world's record for crappy birthdays. Last year, although the party was fierce, was bittersweet as it was my first one without my mom. The year prior to that, my cat of fifteen years died ON my birthday. Now this year has brought hands down, my worst meeting for work ever. I won't bore anyone with details of my work life, but it was an intense and bordering on unprofessional meeting where I got bashed around a lot. Gratefully, I had my unbelievably kind and loyal boss by my side. Were it not for her, I might have come a bit unglued.

So, the realization that I have come to is that once you are an adult, your birthday is no longer sacred ground. Instead of celebrating the day you were born, basically it can occasionally make you wonder why you are alive. Yes, I am mentally stable. Please note an air of sarcasm. Long gone are the party hats and fabulous gifts and the lavishing of attention on you. Maybe as a society we should really take birthdays more seriously. I think each one of us would agree that it would be nice to have one day where people build you up instead of tear you down. I really do think everyone should have a day off of work for their birthday and be able to do something fun and life celebrating.

That said, I'm back to work. Happy, happy, joy, joy!

I'm Very Scared (of graduate school)

As I look over information from various schools, I get more terrified by the minute. First, there is the fear of rejection. What if they don't even want me? Then there is the fear of failure. What if I totally blow it? Finally, there is the fear of the time and money factor. What if this literally kills me and my bank account?

What I would like to know is, why did I have none of these fears the first time around when I frittered away opportunity after opportunity? I would give blood, eyeteeth, fill in the blank with something precious and valuable to have some of those chances again. Now, I feel too old to be doing this to myself. Worse, my daughter is only 7 years away from the same experience, and the same financial commitment. Honestly, at almost 41, I have to do a cost/outcome analysis to see if it is even worth it. Have I missed my chance in life? Will I make enough money when I am done for this to be worth it? Will I ever pay off my original student loans? Yup, still paying for those, too. Somehow something here doesn't seem fair to me.

I guess we all make choices in life. Some of mine are coming back to haunt me now. Truthfully, many choices I made, I would make again. It's just hard on the backside of the deal. You know? I feel like I was always destined to have my Master's degree, so when it didn't happen, it made me feel like somewhat of a failure. I suppose that anytime I look at my two wonderful kids, I shouldn't feel so bad about that. I must have done something right.

BREAST CANCER SUCKS!!!!!!!!!

If I haven't said it enough before, I'm saying it again, Breast Cancer SUCKS!!!! If you haven't already donated towards a cure, do it today. And if not, I'll be bugging you for donations again soon, because I plan to keep fighting this beast until it is dead. And I mean laying on the ground, doesn't move when you poke it with a stick dead.

Why Should God Get All the Crappy Music?

Score one for the good guys. There is nothing on God's green earth better than twitchy, nerdy, spastic, bombastic Christian rock. Where has this band been all my life? I'm talking about The Detholz!

I've mentioned before that I have always felt like an outsider when it comes to religion, at least of the organized variety. While my own personal faith in God remains strong, my faith that organized religion has something to offer declines with each passing year. I feel railroaded into agreeing with things I just can't tolerate, and think are wrong, and really don't want to hang out with the people who think it's okee-dokee.

Then I saw a preview of "Why Should the Devil Have All the Good Music?" last night, which was accompanied by a stellar sweaty performance by The Detholz! There apparently are some levelheaded Christians out there who have it figured out, or at least I think so. You do not have to completely forsake the "secular" world, nor do you have to adopt the religious right's message, or vote for the "Christian" candidate. Quite frankly, as far I am concerned, I'm pretty sure George Bush is the antichrist.

Anyhow, I digress. Christian does not have to be substandard and stupid. There are some righteous Christian rock bands out there. They aren't all Amy Grant and Michael W. Smith (I have bad aural flashbacks from my days at Calvin when I think of these people and the people who listened to them). The Detholz! are just one example of Christian bands who break the right-wing mold. I'm pretty sure we aren't going to hell.

Surviving Christmas

After a flurry of activity, the holiday season is officially over, at least as far as I can tell. I've seen friends and relatives, have used yards of wrapping paper and tape, have been to the grocery store more often than I thought humanly possible, have cooked more food, and actually found time to take several naps. I feel like we had a pretty good Christmas. Much better than last year. I managed to quickly recover from my holiday meltdown and actually enjoyed most of the festivities.

A year after my most difficult Christmas ever, I feel like I can reflect a bit and realize how much healing has happened in the last year. I am far from feeling like life is back to normal, as I think I've realized that I need to make a new normal. The old one just isn't there anymore. I miss the old normal, it was easy. I miss the comfort of my mother's words urging me through my life. But I think I am finding my feet again and learning to rely on myself a bit more. So a new year begins. I have great hopes for it to be easier than the last.