Tenacious S

Too Many Keys

2011-08-24T00:19:00.002-05:00

Keys used to be a source of comfort for me. They meant home. They meant safety. Right now, there are too many of them and it is leaving me feeling homeless. I have keys to my old house, keys to a friend's house and keys to the place I've been living for the past nine months. Now I'm moving again and picking up more keys.

Even though I know that this move is for the good and will be best for me, I am struggling with my loss of sense of home. There really is no place I would call home right now. I know I'll make a home for myself again in the future, but right now, I feel like I don't have one. I feel beholding to a lot of people. I feel like I can't stand on my own two feet. I know I'm over dramatizing this, but I'm scared. Scared to leave yet another place that has felt sort of like home, but isn't. Scared that I will feel this way for far too long. Homesick for the place I used to live, where I raised my kids. Just homesick.

Shoulder of the Road

2010-11-20T15:52:00.002-06:00

I've spent most of my life developing what I thought was a comfortable rut. I knew the ride was bumpier than expected. I adjusted the shocks on my car. I drove a little slower. I turned up the stereo to block out the noise.

Many years later I've realized that I was in a bad rut. The bridge ahead was out. I've pulled onto the shoulder to figure out what to do next.

I've been amazed by how many people have come to the aid of my vehicle. I've been overwhelmed at the options available for recharting my course. I may even just need to rest in my car at the side of the road for awhile before I make any decisions about where to go.

The reality of the situation is that after driving along uncomfortably for a very long time, the ride made me weary. I'm not sure if I need a new car or if I just need to find a new road. Either way, I am in the midst of the biggest change of my life. I believe that change is good.

Lost: One Life, Please Return to Owner

2010-06-14T00:20:00.003-05:00

OK, so the school thing is almost over, but not quite. So the work thing has grown three heads and become a life-sucking beast. Between the two of them, I've given up on sleep, eating and having anything that resembles a life. Most women my age would be totally psyched to lose five pounds in a month. I'm personally horrified. I wasn't trying to or even wanting to lose weight. It was just a consequence of far too many 12 hour plus days of work followed by hours of schoolwork. I wish I was happy about it, but instead I'm a little scared because I don't feel healthy and I miss eating something that resembles food. I'm here to tell you folks, goldfish crackers are not a tasty dinner.

Miss You

2010-06-10T23:42:00.001-05:00

Poor kitty. Every time I think I can do it all on my own, I realize that when I am done, I am all alone. I miss my friends that write. I miss writing something other than a paper for school, which I am almost done with! I miss my friends that rock. I miss being connected even when my life offers me few chances. I miss all of you.

You can all thank INXS for a sharp blow to my head that made me remember something that I loved. Life is funny that way.

Five for Fighting

2009-12-17T22:01:00.003-06:00

Five years. How is it true? And yet, I feel every day of those five years. The wishing for is gone. The pain has dulled to a quiet throb that just murmurs in the background. One that you become comfortable with, ignore, accept and claim as your own. It isn't even really about that anymore. It's about the aftermath. It's about the redefinition. It's about the novacaine numbness that feels better than it should.

The new normal takes center stage and everyone plays their parts. It is a lovely play. Life proceeds and joy exists. And yet, for me, in the background is this idea that I was somehow elementally changed five years ago. Not only did I lose her, I lost part of myself. In losing the comfortable warm place that I landed on the worst of days, I was left to face myself. All the words that had been spoken to me became more true.

I'm a fighter. It's what I do. I'm very good at fighting for others, but maybe not so good at fighting for myself. I give too much to everyone, and I mean everyone. Sometimes I wish I didn't. I'm better about taking care of myself, but still not so good at asking for what I deserve. I don't understand the rules of honesty. I often tell the truth when I probably shouldn't. I'm a terrible liar. I wish she was here so that I could understand how I got this way.

I fight all the time. Sometimes I win. The one fight that I struggle with all the time is a nagging loneliness since she left. Happiness has been elusive these past five years. It feels like it is there and yet it feels like a phantom. Maybe it's the part of me that disappeared on that day.

The Seether Part Drei

2009-09-07T00:35:00.007-05:00

Back to the story. The defining moment of my relationship with my mother was when we went to see the movie "Ghandi." By this time I had learned that my mother was someone I could actually be honest with and I stumbled upon a moment that I will never forget. As we drove home from the local theater together, I wondered aloud how someone who was clearly so good could be going to hell according to my religion. Even though my mother up to this point had allowed me to ask, there was something different in her answer that night. It was the first time I heard her voice questioning as loudly as mine. How could it be? Even though my mom never gave me what many would call an answer, her ability to discuss and question out loud without accusations flying was a novelty in my world and I felt like I had finally broken free. I was now free to think and to question. For the first time, I felt like God gave me a mind to seek truth and that truth might not always be exactly what I was expecting. And that was exciting.

By the fall of 1983, my bags were packed and I was off to college. It was no surprise that I was heading off to Calvin College, a small Christian liberal arts school. I opted out of Wheaton for many reasons. It was too close to home, I knew too many people there and they made the sad mistake of asking me about some of my past "sins." Even at 18, I knew that I didn't need to be judged for things that I had done in the past. I already knew that part of growing up is learning and changing. I didn't want to be dragged down by things that I had done in the past. I'm all for personal accountability, but what's the point if there are no lessons to be learned and only punishments to be dealt out.

So off to Calvin I went. Little did I know, but my faith was about to be rocked to the core, not by the "world" that I had been warned about, but by the Christians I went to class with every day. Those three years taught me the real world meaning of the word hypocrisy. I saw people who in the name of the same god I was claiming, behave in ways that I found shameful and yet, they turned around and called me a heathen because I wasn't a member of their church. Suddenly, all the words I had spoken to others flooded me in a sea of regret. The judgementalism that I had grown up embracing was a little harsh on the receiving end. Suddenly I realized that our beliefs when taken out of the context of our personal culture, became a target for others, who believed their agenda to be as valid as my own.

And so it was at Calvin College, the safest place my parents could have put me, I learned to think for myself for a change. I was fortunate enough, or intuitive enough to find a group of people who helped me to think for myself. They were all Christians, but a kind of Christian I had never met before. For the first time, I met people who put action before words and reserved the judging for God. I had my fill of being judged by people here on earth. My ego had been torn down again and again by people for whom I never seemed good enough. I had been given a chance to really examine what my foundation was made of and if some repairs were in order.

Next time, The Seether Part Quatro, where yours truly thinks she has figured it all out.

The Seether Part Deux

2009-09-06T15:38:00.007-05:00

Where to begin? Ah, the list. The ever growing list of things that keep me up at night, bring me to tears, ruffle my fur beyond my cleaning capabilities, make me feel isolated and leave me drained. Who knew that Inauguration Day, a day which I blogged about the hope and optimism that I felt, was merely the beginning of a period that would proceed to unravel the fabric of my life, to rip the proverbial band-aid off of the almost healed wound. And yet, that is exactly what happened. I have been left standing here wondering if my childhood and the things that I perceived were really there at all. Somehow this dumb healthcare reform issue has managed to tear my life apart in ways I sure did not see coming.

Most people who know me, know that I will openly identify myself as a Christian. They also know that when I say I came from a VERY conservative background, I am not kidding. The only thing that would have made it worse was if they had put me in a private Christian school, which thankfully they didn't partially because we didn't have enough money and partially because when they threatened the action in sixth grade I vowed mutiny. I knew then that I had already had my fair share of indoctrination and that would have sent me over the edge into crazy land.

I wasn't allowed to question my faith as a child. I was forced to go to church multiple times a week. I was forced to hang out with kids from church. Many times my time with my school friends was limited because my parents tried to control every aspect of my life. I had little freedom as a child. I have never doubted that I was loved. I was absolutely loved and otherwise well taken care of. However, when it came to matters of religion and faith, there was no freedom. No freedom to explore. No freedom to question. The few times I rebelled against this, I was firmly put in my place by everyone surrounding me, my parents, my grandmother and everyone I knew at the church. Basically, the world that I was allowed to live in told me that I had better figure it out. So I would settle down again. When you get slapped upside the head enough, you shut up after awhile.

If the people I was forced to be with and be like were awful people, I would now be telling you that they are now in jail or some such thing. But the fact of the matter was that they were all pretty nice people and they all told me they liked me and it was virtually all I knew, so I was kind of OK with it. What could possibly be wrong with a bunch of conservative midwestern people who frequently made casseroles and thought jello was a salad? Well, maybe I should have seen something evil there. So I kind of did what I should do for awhile. It was just easier and it's not like it was awful and I had people that I thought were friends and my family was happy with me. Lots of positive reinforcement came my way when I was the good girl they all expected me to be.

Still, in all of this, I was always the malcontent in the group. I still had times where I would "backslide" and get called out for my less than Christian behavior. See, it was all about the behavior. If you are constantly behaving the way you should, it doesn't matter what you think. And by the way, that thinking stuff is dangerous. Be careful what you learn. My whole life was a study of censorship. Fortunately for me, there was one person in my life, who in the quiet moments let me know that it was OK to think. It was my mom. Even though she belonged to the same group and culture, she was different and everyone knew it. Whatever my mom was, she was honest and giving and one of the smartest people I have ever known. As I grew older, she began to encourage me to think and question. She opened up enough to allow me to see her own struggling and questioning. She was the one that allowed me to embark on the next leg of my journey.

Stay tuned for The Seether Part Drei, where The Seether makes a break for it.

The Seether

2009-09-05T15:07:00.007-05:00

...muttering under breath...hiss...spit...

Oh, sorry, excuse me. Some things have been really ruffling my fur lately. There's a list. It's never good when there is a list. Perhaps it's time for a song or two.

Talk Talk

2009-07-28T12:51:00.002-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZuTYOB53xE0

I have never in my life been so infuriated and confused. I've spent a lifetime wrestling with choices and rights and wrongs. I have never proclaimed to be a perfect person. I firmly believe that actions speak louder than words. Anyone can tell you what is right. Doing it is another thing.

I have been disappointed over and over again by people, who by their inability to see anything from someone else's point of view, either stand by the side of the road in inaction or fight to protect themselves at the expense of others. I've heard people call those less fortunate "lazy." At this point in my life, I believe that privilege is a blinding force. It makes us feel better than others, as if we got where we were going solely through our own merits. I am a child of privilege. I fight every day against its blinding forces.

I'm most sick of the righteous talk. Many offer plans. Few are willing to put in the work to make it feasible. Too much is broken. Too few are willing. I'm looking for people to put some skin in the game. Then come back and talk to me. Stop polishing your crowns, people. Lay them down and get in the game. The team here on earth needs you.

Theory of Mind

2009-07-02T12:43:00.004-05:00

I spend a good majority of my time at work trying to teach children with autism that we all have different perceptions of the world . The terminology for this is Theory of Mind. Theory of Mind is the ability to understand that the way that you perceive things is different from the perception of others. That we all have our own likes and dislikes. That we all react to things in different ways. Being able to see things from another's point of view is what allows us to be successful in our social lives.

Somehow this theory seems to be much simpler to explain than it is to practice. Many grown adults seem to lack this ability. In my work, when this ability is lacking we call it mind blindness. I often equate all of this with empathy. It's one thing to feel sorry for someone, that's sympathy. It's another thing entirely to actually attempt to identify with someone else and to put yourself in their shoes and to identify with what they are going through, be it simple or complex.

As a society, it is customary to say "How are you?" when we greet people. Sadly, because it is ritualistic, it seems to have very little validity. How often in my own life have I given the expected, "Fine," as an answer when things were anything but fine. To answer anything but fine almost feels like a social faux pas. This means that we might expect something from the other person or that the other person might feel burdened by our statement. I long to live in a world where we can all be honest about our feelings. I probably tip my hand more than most when it comes to revealing exactly how I am feeling. What sense is it hide how we feel from those that we are close to?

The flip side of that coin is that it isn't always nice to reveal how we are feeling sometimes. It can be hurtful to reveal mistrust or anger. This is where empathy needs to come in to play. Before we react with the full force of our emotions, we need to take a step back and think about how that person might receive it. Did we understand the situation? Do we know the background of what happened? Do we understand how this person accepts strong emotional statements?

I find it harder and harder each year to balance my desire for honesty with my impulse to be empathetic. I teach empathy on a daily basis. I have to practice empathy to be able to do my job. In real life, empathy can sometimes be my own achilles heel, as it leaves me vulnerable in a world where many are not empathetic in return. I feel soft and naked in a harsh world. Many have told me to toughen up. I am tough when I need to be in situations where injustice has occurred. But somehow, the day to day stuff seems to be hardest for me. Small things hurt me. Big things devastate me. And yet, if you ask me how I am, I am likely to say, "Fine." Anything more can be a liability and usually ends up being thrown back in my face. I trust fewer and fewer people. And I think that is the saddest statement of all.

As The World Turns

2009-06-27T21:57:00.002-05:00

So I go away for a week of vacation and return to the pop world turned on its head. Gone are two of the pop icons of my youth, Farrah, who forced me to spend hours in the bathroom with a curling iron only to fail miserably every day, and Michael, who forced me to attempt the moonwalk over and over only to realize that I have only a small amount of rhythm and dancing magic.

Well, neither of them were real cultural heroes for me. I'd much rather talk about the loons that sang me to sleep for the last week. Or the doe and fawn I saw prancing through the forest this morning as we left. Or the bald eagle that circled our lake late every afternoon. Or the turtles that swam a little too close to my fishing line almost every day. Or the sun that was warm and out every day this week. Or the cool clear lake water that we swam in. Or the super fun go-kart track that I zipped around many times. Really, all of the news was a bit surprising, but in comparison, not so important.

My whole family had a great vacation. The northwoods of Wisconsin have been our family's vacation spot since I was a small child. I find it reassuring that in a world that changes every day, it remains virtually the same. MIchael or no Michael, it is a quiet corner of the world where you don't even have a good cell signal. A place where you have to go looking for the rest of the world.

That being said, this song makes me awful happy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7hK3Y1Ehv9c

WTF????

2009-06-11T22:30:00.003-05:00

Wow. So what was I thinking. Maybe I thought that if I totally ignored my blog, I would stop caring. Or possibly that I would stop having something to say, (please insert laughter here). I ALWAYS have something to say. Maybe I thought that my words were inconsequential. Well, what I've figured out is that even if I am the only one reading, they are not inconsequential.

I got a little downtrodden for awhile. I felt I hit a flat spot in my life. I watched my readership plummet. As if that mattered in the first place. Love you all, but really, I started this for me. Y'all were just the happy by-product. And a very happy by-product I might add. I apologize profusely for not keeping up on my reading. I was momentarily distracted by Facebook.

I found a lot of friends on Facebook. That's a good thing. I found old friends. i found older friends. I kept up with my newer ones. Just never had the same shine as blogging. Face it, one sentence a day, or maybe every few days, is not the same as a heartfelt blog post.

So, bitches, I'm back! All the bad '80's videos, all the cancer pain, all the growing children drama. Love it. Loathe it. I really don't care. It's all about me. Well, kind of. I do love you all and I really miss many of you.

As a reassurance, I really haven't changed too very much. Still a Naked Raygun addict. Waiting on the new Bomb album/CD. Love the live shows and will never be satiated. And love all of you. Just don't cross me in an IEP meeting. Then we may have to be mortal enemies and I will win.

Green Monkey Music Project-Bubs' Lenten Mix

2009-03-21T14:27:00.015-05:00

So, we've all been asked to briefly comment about the need for repentance after listening to our contributions to the Lenten Mix. I think you will find it quite clear. Not a whole lot of subliminal messages here. Have fun in the hand basket. You know where it's going...

SLEAZY

Jet Boy Jet Girl-The Damned

Can you tell whats on my mind
Shes with him its driving me wild
Id like to hit him on the head until hes dead
The sight of blood is such a high
Ooooohhhh
He gives me head
We made it on a ballroom blitz
I took his arms and kissed his lips
He looked at me with such a smile my face turned red
We booked a room into the ritz
Ooooohhhh
He gives me head
Jet boy jet girl
I'm gonna take you round the world
Jet boy I'm gonna make you penetrate
I'm gonna make you be a girl
Ooooohhhh
Jet boy jet girl

CREEPY

Possum Kingdom-The Toadies

I'm not gonna lie
I'll not be a gentleman
Behind the boathouse
I'll show you my dark secret
I'm not gonna lie
I want you for mine
My blushing bride
My lover, be my lover, yeah...
Don't be afraid
I didn't mean to scare you
So help me, Jesus

TWISTED

Code Blue-TSOL

I never got along with the girls at my school
Filling me up with all their morals and their rules
They'd pile all their problems on my head
Id rather go out and fuck the dead
Cause I can do what I want and they wont complain
I wanna fuck I wanna fuck the dead
Middle of the night so silently
I creep on over to the mortuary
Lift up the casket and fiddle with the dead
Their cold blue flesh makes me turn red

FILTHY

Closer-Nine Inch Nails

You let me violate you, you let me desecrate you
You let me penetrate you, you let me complicate you
Help me I broke apart my insides, help me Ive got no
Soul to tell
Help me the only thing that works for me, help me get
Away from myself
I want to f**k you like an animal
I want to feel you from the inside
I want to f**k you like an animal
My whole existence is flawed
You get me closer to god

DEMENTED

Deep Six-Big Black

He was a plug-ugly son of a bitch
With a fist where most folks get their face
Me and a half dozen of us would've done him in
But he was never around except when we were drunk
And he's not like we are, see he doesn't know his place
And he thinks he's some kind of big cheese
A buck knife, a saw blade, a lead pipe, a twelve gauge
Would've done him in, could've put him by
A buck knife, a saw blade, a lead pipe, a twelve gauge
I could've deep-sixed him, wouldn't bat an eye
Well, he's not like we are, see he drinks his Jack straight
And he sleeps with his wife and he pays his whores

Thanks Bubs and Splotchy! I'm so ashamed.

3

2009-03-08T23:48:00.003-05:00

They say that things occur in groups of three. I'm calling a three. I'm done with this for now. I lost my aunt in December, my grandma in February and now another relative a week ago. I don't want to cry anymore. I don't want to see my family members go through the pain of loss anymore. I don't want to go to another funeral anytime in the near future.

I suppose that this officially marks my entrance into the later half of life, if I am healthy and fortunate. The first half is full of birthdays and weddings and baby showers. Seems like this half is full of funerals so far. I think I have a strong grasp on my mortality at this point, which is maybe the point. This show doesn't go on forever. My take-home lesson from life's latest goings on is to enjoy each day, love those around you and let them know you do, and to end each day at peace with everything. I think I've known most of this for a few years, but life just wanted to make sure I hadn't forgotten the lesson and it scheduled a little review test for me.

Fat Happy Tuesday

2009-02-24T19:35:00.002-06:00

Happy Fat Tuesday! We are celebrating with a big ole pot of jambalaya and some cajun influenced drinks. For chow I've got the shrimp and andouille sausage jambalaya on the stove just simmering away. To prepare our appetite and lose the troubles of the day and to celebrate Fat Tuesday, we are drinking a modified Zombie, which is a concoction of fresh squeezed lime juice, dark rum, light rum, triple sec and amaretto with a splash of mango juice for luck. Bon Appetit and Happy Fat Tuesday!

What to My Wondering Eyes...

2009-02-17T15:07:00.003-06:00

While I realize that this is not an ideal shot. If you look carefully in that tree you'll see a fairly large dark colored bird. I was getting ready this morning and just happened to look out the window when I saw a large bird land in the tree in front of our house. I realized from watching its flight before he or she landed that it was not one of the neighborhood crows, grackels or other common dark colored birds.

After watching him for several minutes, I noticed when it turned its head almost completely around, and I could see the face, that it had the very unique bill of a falcon. I could also tell that the front of him was much lighter than the back, as I occasionally caught glimpses as the bird sat on the branch. For once, I actually ran to get my camera, even in the middle of the usual morning rush. I was glad I did. I have now realized that I got a shot and a look at a peregrine falcon. There is a pair that have routinely nested on the Evanston Public Library. Apparently, thanks to DDT, these birds were on the brink of extinction. With the ban on DDT, their population is slowly increasing. Their natural place to nest is on cliffs, so I guess that's what the Evanston Library feels like to them. I also read that they are the world's fastest animal, clocking in at a top speed of 273 mph. That's just freakin' cool and it was in the tree in front of my house. Nature gave me a little present today.

Once Upon A Time

2009-02-01T22:38:00.003-06:00

Once upon a time, I was an English literature major, first at Calvin and then at the University of South Carolina. For whatever reason, the one poem that resonated loudly within me was "The Hospital Window" by James Dickey. I still remember sitting in my Modern Poetry class and feeling as if I could have written the poem, an almost deja vu feeling. Little did I know that the deja vu was in reverse and was more of a foreshadowing of things to come. I am not being morbid, merely reflecting on the fact that poetry can encapsulate experiences. I understood then and understand more now the words of this poem. It happened that James Dickey was the poet in residence at the University of South Carolina when I was there. I often rode the same elevator with him in the English building. I often wish I had told him how much I loved his poem.

The Hospital Window
BY JAMES L. DICKEY

I have just come down from my father.
Higher and higher he lies
Above me in a blue light
Shed by a tinted window.
I drop through six white floors
And then step out onto pavement.

Still feeling my father ascend,
I start to cross the firm street,
My shoulder blades shining with all
The glass the huge building can raise.
Now I must turn round and face it,
And know his one pane from the others.

Each window possesses the sun
As though it burned there on a wick.
I wave, like a man catching fire.
All the deep-dyed windowpanes flash,
And, behind them, all the white rooms
They turn to the color of Heaven.

Ceremoniously, gravely, and weakly,
Dozens of pale hands are waving
Back, from inside their flames.
Yet one pure pane among these
Is the bright, erased blankness of nothing.
I know that my father is there,

In the shape of his death still living.
The traffic increases around me
Like a madness called down on my head.
The horns blast at me like shotguns,
And drivers lean out, driven crazy—
But now my propped-up father

Lifts his arm out of stillness at last.
The light from the window strikes me
And I turn as blue as a soul,
As the moment when I was born.
I am not afraid for my father—
Look! He is grinning; he is not

Afraid for my life, either,
As the wild engines stand at my knees
Shredding their gears and roaring,
And I hold each car in its place
For miles, inciting its horn
To blow down the walls of the world

That the dying may float without fear
In the bold blue gaze of my father.
Slowly I move to the sidewalk
With my pin-tingling hand half dead
At the end of my bloodless arm.
I carry it off in amazement,

High, still higher, still waving,
My recognized face fully mortal,
Yet not; not at all, in the pale,
Drained, otherworldly, stricken,
Created hue of stained glass.
I have just come down from my father.

Party Time!

2009-01-31T11:51:00.002-06:00

So, the birthday seems like a good excuse to go out and have some fun. Tonight at The Hideout there are going to be 2 bands and an awesome DJ set. I'd love it if you joined me. I'm guessing we'll get there around 9 or 10 and stay until late. It's January. It's cold and I think it's time to warm it up a bit with a little drinking and some dancing.

44

2009-01-27T16:55:00.004-06:00

I'm thinking that 44 is a lucky number. Look what it got us last week!

And now for your listening and viewing enjoyment...

Mr. Blue Sky

2009-01-20T12:20:00.004-06:00

The sun is shining and a new day has dawned. The swearing in is over and we now begin down the road once again. Hopefully, the wind will be at our back for a change.

That's a Spicy Meatball!

2009-01-18T17:31:00.005-06:00

For Christmas, Mr. Ten S gave me an Indian cookbook. I've been experimenting with it the past couple of weekends. Last weekend we had a lovely chicken curry with a side of zucchini and yellow squash cooked in mustard seeds and some other fun spices. This weekend we had a lamb curry with a side of green beans that were spiced with dried red peppers, cumin and mustard seed. Both, although somewhat time consuming to cook, turned out really lovely.

Bink has been a picky eater for years. Recently he has been becoming more adventurous. Yesterday I employed him in my kitchen as we made the lamb curry. He was amazed at the array of spices, some that he had never heard of before, that we used in the recipes. Bink peeled and chopped and stirred for me as we cooked our dinner. Although he is not typically a fan of spicy food, he was so curious, that he tried and ate quite a bit of everything that we had prepared. About halfway into the meal, he sort of paused and looked up and said, "It's not so spicy for Sweetness, but I'm like Papa. It's so spicy!"

My father, who is from a Norwegian family that thought pepper was an exotic spice, has never done well with spicy food. He literally will have to wipe down his forehead if even a small amount of pepper is present in a dish. There was no eating of tacos at our house, we owned no hot sauce and we certainly would never have gone to an Indian restaurant. All this to say that I think I have managed to escape the curse of my Scandanavian upbringing and must have dodged the genetic bullet that makes you sweat profusely at the first sign of a spice other than salt. Not so sure Bink escaped though.

My Friends

2009-01-05T22:33:00.005-06:00

I know, I know. Another Naked Raygun post. Hey, if Miss Coffey can pontificate about her homies, so can I. This is so much more than just Naked Raygun though. They played two shows this weekend at House of Blues. Of course, I was at both. The first night, it was me and Lulu. We were beer fueled and ready to mosh. And we did. Lu and I have been going to Raygun shows since we were about 18 or 19. It was fun to hoist a beer again with her as we fell back into the crowd and were bumped around as we sang at the top of our lungs.

Second night, it was me, Mr. Ten S, my old friend Matt and his friend Sue. We again basked in the greatness of the Raygun. While poor Matt and Sue were massively jet-lagged and had to high tail it home, Mr. Ten S and I joined the band after the show for more fun. All I can say is that I treasure the friends that have shared the Naked Raygun road with me and the band and the new friends I have met along the way. You see, it's more than just a band to me. These are my friends. The ones beside me in the crowd and the ones that I share sweaty hugs with after the show. These are honest people. Real people. People that make me feel alive.

NAKED RAYGUN-Treason

Goodbye, 2008!

2008-12-27T19:16:00.002-06:00

I don't know about any of you, but this is one year that I have both cherished and hated all at the same time. The long and short of it, minus the gruesome detail, is that it all came out well. It was one of those years where my feet were held to the fire again and I discovered what I am made of. At the end of the year, I am relatively happy and content after a whole lot of upheaval, but feel it was all a part of what life is and part of the process of becoming who I am.

I lost my drive for absolute perfection. But that's OK, because it was part of what was wrong. I discovered what unconditional love means in many different ways. Let me tell you folks, it sounds all pretty and stuff, but it isn't always fun and sometimes carries a heavy price, but in the end, the dedication pays off. We all deserve to love and be loved. Sometimes it just takes a little more work than we thought it would. I have learned that those memories that you store are worth more than gold. This past year, in fact this past month, I lost a beloved aunt and an uncle. I've watched my cousins grieve in a way that is all too familiar for me. I've held the hand of a person who was dying and who looked back on her life with me and shared with me the treasured moments and memories of her life. I will never forget the moments we shared. I hugged my cousins today that had suddenly and tragically lost their father. After being the recipient of all the hugs surrounding my mother's death, it was nice to be able to give some and provide the comfort for other loved ones. Family is so dear and so irreplaceable.

My own children are growing and changing. I now have a high school aged daughter. I've worried about changes, but have realized that our relationship is just as strong, if not stronger. I am watching the fruit of my labor as a parent blossom before my eyes. It is truly magical. I sometimes think I got lucky as a parent and then I think that maybe I get to take some of the credit for myself. Years of love and time and tears come to fruition. My job is not done, but I am happy where I am on the journey.

I am still in school and have my own goals in the crosshairs. I am happy for those I work with for the optimism that is surrounding their care. Truthfully, it makes my life easier as well, but it should and it's about time. I find myself in the predicament of being in some ways more on my own than ever, but it's OK. I've lost every crutch I've ever had and I've realized that I can stand on my own, but I also realize that I would rather stand with those I love by my side.

May each and every one of you have a most blessed 2009. I am hopeful. I always am. That's who I am.

Merry Christmas, Everybody! Cha! Cha! Cha!

2008-12-25T09:45:00.000-06:00

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Let the Day Begin

2008-12-16T05:34:00.002-06:00

Up early. Trying to give it a positive start instead of cursing it. Looking forward to having the monkey off my back and starting to celebrate the holidays.

We Could Be Heroes Just For One Day

2008-12-15T00:09:00.004-06:00

In the most unlikely of times, Governor Rod Blagojevich was my hero for one day. On December 12, 2008, in the midst of a career-destructing scandal, Gov. Blagojevich managed to make it into work to sign the bill that will create adequate insurance coverage for children with autism. No matter what you think of the man, I can tell you first hand that I watched him being courted by those in support of this bill, and I watched as he promised to take care of it this term. For all the wrong that has been done, this is certainly a big right. Not only will families who up until now have not been able to afford care receive care, but school districts will sigh a huge breath of relief as the burden is taken off of their shoulders. Not that the schools no longer are required to provide services, but the fact of the matter is that they have never been equipped to provide the intensity of services necessary and really should never have had to shoulder the burden for so long. Private services are required for adequate care and thanks to Gov. Blagojevich, private care will now be rendered. I have been waiting for this day for a long time. Too bad such a wonderful deed is overshadowed by unbridled greed.

Just Because

2008-11-28T14:13:00.002-06:00

Why am I posting this? No reason really, just because. Just because it makes me happy and its goofy. Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. I am just hanging back and waiting for January.

SLADE-Run Runaway

Rockin' My World!

2008-11-10T18:26:00.005-06:00

Barack Obama isn't even in office yet and he is already drafting legislation that has been a long time coming. For many years, I have only served the rich and privileged. In general, and with very few exceptions, treatment for autism is not covered by insurance companies because it is considered "unrecoverable." This has been a gross oversight on the part of the insurance companies. While it is true that those with the disorder will never be fully "cured," all who are treated make progress and if treated early enough and intensively enough, these children can go on to lead fairly normal productive lives.

This morning I was alerted that there is legislation that Barack Obama has had drafted in order to provide coverage for treatment of autism. Sounds to me like at least this promise was not an empty one, not that I expected it would be. If this piece of legislation goes through, I will no longer only treat children from wealthy families. Everyone will have fair access to the best possible treatment. In my world, this is nothing short of a miracle. Go Obama!

Rock the Vote!

2008-11-04T15:46:00.001-06:00

I voted. Did you? Seems like such a simple thing to do. Take time to appreciate everything that has happened throughout the course of our nation's history that allowed you the chance to vote today. Be thankful and take advantage of this awesome privilege that we have as Americans.

Potluck at the Trump Hotel and Other Tales of Woe

2008-11-02T19:48:00.002-06:00

Last night I went to one of my friend's bachleorette party. Her bridal party had rented a suite at the brand new Trump Hotel in Chicago. The view was magnificent. To make up for the splurge on the room, dinner was potluck in the suite with lasagna, meatballs, and shots of Jagermeister. I'm sure the Donald would approve.

Anyhow, we all drank and ate and "enjoyed" the entertainment, a bananahammock-free stripper who sounded a bit like Ahnold, the gubnerator. Hey, he licked my face and told me I was pretty. I bet he says that to all the girls. The better part of the evening was when we went out and managed to stumble into a club that had a great DJ working a small floor with a great sound system and filled with friends. I don't think I've danced that much in years. It felt really good. Possibly an alternative title for this post could be, "How Tenacious S Got Her Groove Back.'

You know, I've been a bit absent lately. I don't really know why. Just haven't felt like writing. While I was out, I saw The Squeeze for the first time (it was Glen Tilbrook's birthday and the other guys in the band surprised him with dancing girls with a birthday cake on stage and he got all sappy), RiotFest (which was highlighted by the final performance of The Bomb and a stellar set by The Horropops), and a very beat-heavy night at Metro watching Crystal Castles. So, it's not like I've been sulking around the house or anything. I've had some serious fun. Just didn't feel like writing.

For your entertainment, here's a sample of a couple of my woeful nights.

Just in Case

2008-10-04T07:18:00.004-05:00

Not being one who sits back idly and lets things happen, I've been working on a plan to bolster the Tenacious S clan's financial bottom line in the event of a dramatic recession. Back in the Great Depression, my grandfather was an out of work painter. Deciding to take his fate into his own hands, he built beehives and then sold honey door to door. I figure if it worked then, hey, that could work now! So this weekend I plan on putting Sweetness and Bink to work painting the beehives. This plan is genius! I'm totally relaxed now. No financial worries at all. We'll just raise bees and sell honey. The whole family can pitch in! There's only one small problem...I'm allergic to the things and Sweetness and Bink cry and run when they see them. Minor glitch.

Is This Thing On?

2008-09-19T18:24:00.002-05:00

Ah hem..Is this thing on?
To the people who made my week hell and my client's life miserable, I'm coming to get you. You will not be able to hide behind policy. Words that come to mind are "unmitigated disaster" or "gross negligence." I'm writing a very long report that will expose your incompetence. I know who the good guys are. The rest of you better hide. Have a nice weekend.

Black and Blood

2008-09-16T09:22:00.004-05:00

About a year and a half ago I wrote a post about the tattoo that I was thinking about getting. For at least 20 years I have considered getting a tattoo. For at least 15 of those 20 years, I was a little indecisive about what I really wanted, which is why I never got one...until last weekend.

For the second year in a row, I went to a conference in Santa Barbara. This year's conference was even better than last year and I definitely learned a great deal. What was different was that although I casually knew a few people that were attending, no one I work with on a regular basis was there, so outside a couple of dinners and the conference days, I had some time to myself.

I arrived on Wednesday early in the afternoon. Hungry and looking for lunch, I headed out onto the main street in town, State Street. I grabbed a quick bite and continued on my walk, just intending on doing a little shopping and enjoying the day. One of the very first places that caught my eye was Golden Eagle Tattoo. I liked some of the work they had on the walls and found myself looking through some of the artists' books. I liked one of the artists in particular and walked away with lots going on in my mind.

The next couple of days were a blur of conference and dinners with colleagues with little time left for myself. When it was all over on Friday night after dinner, I went back to my hotel and finally had some time alone. I woke up on Saturday still thinking about getting a tattoo and decided to go for a walk, get some lunch and head over to the shop. Somewhere between Wednesday and Saturday the thought had become a plan.

I walked in and talked to Jason, the artist that I was interested in. He was very kind and had me look more carefully at his work to be sure I wanted to use him. We looked at my post about what I had in mind and then he came up with a sketch that I thought was perfect. This is about when it all took on a very surreal feeling for me. I heard entire discussions going on in my head about what I was doing and all the implications. In the end, I felt very calm and relaxed and finally took my seat at Jason's station.

For the next two hours I sat there hugging the back of the chair. There was never a moment where I felt like I was in pain. It felt warm and slightly irritating, but that was about it. It was the nothingness of sitting there for two hours that put me into a very meditative state. On the wall in front of me were sketches of tattoos that Jason was working on. One of them was of two small birds sitting on some dogwood branches. It was very beautiful and the birds made me think of my daughter. The eye of one of the birds was particularly captivating and I found myself staring into it for long lengths of time.

At no time during the process did we take a break other than Jason asking me quickly if I was feeling OK. I felt fine and he kept working diligently. By the time we were done, the trashcan on floor next to me was full of used gloves and toweling that was covered in black ink and my blood. The blood just seemed like a reminder of the fact that this was now a part of my body. Something that I would have for the rest of my life. I'd already made my peace with it. As I stood to look at my new addition in the mirror, I felt completely pleased and fell in love with the work.

When he was done, Jason cleaned the tattoo and wrapped it, giving me instructions on how to care for it as it healed. I knew that there was a healing process, and was glad that he was careful in repeating instructions to me. I settled up and headed back to my hotel room feeling like I had the greatest secret on earth. When I got there, I realized that even though the process was not as painful as I had expected, my body had been through a lot and it was tired.

Four days later, my tattoo already feels like a part of me. I'm over the surprise of seeing it there in the mirror. It feels like it was always meant to be there.

Funny Things to Do

2008-08-19T17:16:00.009-05:00

This past weekend I had possibly the oddest night I've had in quite some time. We were invited by our friend to go see his band, 4 Star Alarm, play at the Lincoln Park Fireman's Cookoff. Saturday was a gorgeous day and I thought that being outside at a cookoff with a band sounded like a brilliant idea.

When we got there, attendance was pretty sparse. Apparently this was the first year that these particular firemen had attempted this kind of fundraiser and they had not done a very good job publicizing it. At first I just thought they really liked us when we were greeted with showers of thank you's and a free calendar (which if you know me, you know is sooooooooooooo not my thing). Some girls like beefcake, I go for the triple "T" threat...tall, thin, tortured. Anyhow, once we were in, we realized that pretty much everyone else there was a fireman or belonged with a fireman (Lulu, eat your heart out). The food was good. The beer was bad, and worse, served by "beer dancers" as my friend calls them. Think Coyote Ugly.

So, our friend's band is a little emo and a little punk. They showed up in full regalia, standing out like sore thumbs in the crowd. It was funny to notice that as time passed, the lead singer lost some of his "flair." Off went the big chunky belt. Off went the '70's rock star shades. On went the headband bandanna. I think he was trying to camouflage himself. As they started to play, my friend pointed out that the crowd was stepping further and further away from the stage. Sadly, they actually did one of the best shows I've heard from them yet, but I think it went unappreciated.

The band finished at about 10, so Mr. Ten S and I decided to take a walk in the neighborhood. Our first bad plan and ultimately funny moment was when we decided to go into one of the local bars to use the restroom. Woooooooo! I forgot all about the Trixie and Chad culture in Lincoln Park and had to take a huge step back when I realized that :

A. They all looked exactly alike and were clones of the people I had spent my entire youth avoiding.
B. They all looked far too young to be so inebriated.
C. These are the people who spawn and move to Glenview.
Frightened, we made a beeline for the door and continued our walk. The highlight of the walk was spending some time in a real record store and scoring some vinyl. The next amusing moment was when we decided that rather than head into a Trixie bar, we'd go to Neo for a drink. Now mind you, we're in Saturday evening outside cookout gear. Woooooo! I forgot all about:

A. Everyone dressed in black.
B. Sprockets Redux atmosphere
C. How much more time these people put into their "outfits."
Uh yeah, we didn't really fit in there either, but they had better beer on tap and at least were playing some pretty cool tunes.

After our little adventures, we decided to call it a night. Other than the way North Shore boy on the train who was trying his best to be both cool and friendly, we made it home without further incident. The whole night left me realizing that I really like my crowd at places like The Beat Kitchen and Bottom Lounge. There's a little bit of attitude, but on the whole, they tend to be a whole lot more accepting of just about anybody. Well, unless you're too much of a Trixie. Then they'll just mock you behind your back and go back to what they were doing.

Just When You Least Expect It...The Friday Random 10

2008-08-15T10:20:00.002-05:00

After a long hiatus from the Friday Random 10, the Tenacious One returns. Summer is winding down and schedules are once again taking over my life. Sometimes it's a good thing.

Fall promises to be busy but rockin'. Shows on my radar are Wire, Live, RiotFest and Crystal Castles. That ought to get me through October. Sweetness starts high school in a couple of weeks and Bink is about to start his year as Top Dog 5th Grader at his grade school. As for me, it's back to the saltmines of grad school after a long break due to an unwieldy life. Things seem to be both settling down and winding up.

Here's the soundtrack to the dog days of summer:
1. Chalkhills and Children-XTC
2. Glass-Joy Division
3. (Everyday Is) Halloween-Ministry
4. Pour le Monde-Crowded House

5. Headache-Liz Phair
6. Kiss Off-Violent Femmes
7. Bored on Television-The Methadones (Great show a couple of weeks ago at the newly reopened Bottom Lounge. Also saw Pegboy there last weekend. Sweet!)
8. Hours-TV on the Radio
9. God on my Side-World Party
10. Empty Bottles-Voodoo Glow Skulls

Socks Rocked Off? Check.

2008-07-21T18:16:00.005-05:00

I am a sleepy kitty after a weekend of fun at Pitchfork. The big draw for me was to see Mission of Burma play their album Vs. in its entirety. And I have to tell you, they rocked my socks off. In their music I hear the roots of so many bands that I adore, and for that, I worship at their feet.

Pitchfork was pretty much planned to be the highlight of my summer. As my therapist said, "It's the poor man's Lollapalooza." At times I could feel my age as Lulu and I wandered through the crowd of hipsters, but it didn't stop me from having fun. Amazing posters at the Flatstock convention, cool arts and crafts and best of all...vinyl. Lots and lots of vinyl. The second I spotted it I could feel the cold sweat bead up on my forehead as I anticipated the possibility of scoring some. I ended up buying a couple cool compilation CDs, but of course, I purchased four brand spanking new discs. I picked through a bunch of stuff, but purchased all the vinyl from the Touch and Go booth. Picked up some Big Black that I'd had on tape that disintegrated years ago and purchased my first two Shellac records. I felt the wave of relief run through me as I stuck my purchases in my bag.

All in all, I'd say it was a completely fulfilling outing. Incredible live music, ice cold beer, new cool posters for the walls, CDs, and sweet sweet vinyl. I'm a tired but happy kitty. Hope you enjoy a taste of Pitchfork.

Pennies From Heaven

2008-07-14T08:52:00.004-05:00

You know how sometimes when you need it most, something simple and really nice happens. Yesterday I went next door to my neighbor's home to wish her a happy birthday and ran into another friend of mine. Turns out that she had this extra ticket to go see Yaz tonight that was already paid for. She asked if I was interested and told me it was mine if I wanted it. Really? Who says "no" to a free Yaz ticket? Truthfully, I had thought about going, but felt that it was really more than I could afford at the time. So now, here I am, thinking about going to the show tonight and feeling really fortunate that I have friends who are so generous and gracious. I have been the recipient of this kind of graciousness quite a bit lately and it has made all the difference in the world to me.

Yaz is one of those bands that is part of the soundtrack of my life. Not only do they bring back memories of late nights of dancing, but some of their quieter songs remind me of driving around or sitting in my room and just contemplating my then young life and all of its ups and downs. Alison Moyet is one of my very favorite female vocalists and I am looking forward to hearing her voice live more than anything else right now. So I guess tonight is kind of a trip down memory lane, but also an ode to friends who seem to show up at just the right moment.

Update: The show was absolutely fabulous! Everyone was either dancing or, for the more introspective songs, just sitting in awe of Allison Moyet's voice. She was flawless live. Just as powerful and perfect as she sounds on record. She also seemed to be having the time of her life and was all smiles between each song, seeming to just be soaking in the praise of her fans and having a blast doing what she loved. It was very clear that she has a very positive connection to their music and that she adores Vince Clarke.

Explosive!

2008-07-03T13:43:00.002-05:00

SIOUXSIE AND THE BANSHEES-Fireworks

Happy Fourth of July! Having just returned from the land where children can still buy sparklers (and other fun stuff), we are fully stocked for the holiday. We'll be attending the Evanston fireworks on the 4th at the lake, just a few blocks from our house, which is perfect for our slow and lazy family. We're looking forward to seeing some of you on the 5th at the Compound party as well. And remember, after you light the fuse, you're supposed to run.

The Slow Show

2008-06-29T15:13:00.007-05:00

Life often goes far too fast for my taste. At heart, I am a slow moving person. I might appear at times to be a flurry of activity, but really, going fast just stresses me out and makes me anxious. Vacation offered me the chance to see my life in slow motion again. All those things that sometimes we are just moving too fast to notice or notice too much because we are moving too fast and stopping to notice seems like an annoyance. Instead of the Puppy Uppers, I took the Doggy Downers this last week and realized that I definitely like it better that way.

I took the time to appreciate the Wisconsin clouds and sky, the ferns that grow large and lush on the floor of the woods with sunlight dappling them, the sound of our trusty rowboat bumping up against the pier, and the wonders that are my children. They possibly had the best time of all. Removed from the pressures of school and the influences of the world we have to live in, they found joy in nature and rushed to greet it every day.

Life has a tendency to be too complicated. We rush through days forgetting who we are and who we can be in our best moments. Maybe sometimes we just need a reminder of what matters and what we love. While it certainly is never a permanent cure for the ferocity of a life lived to fast, it softens the impact at least for awhile.

Gone Loony

2008-06-20T16:55:00.003-05:00

I know, I know. We just got back from Kauai. This time we are off for our annual family vacation to Northern Wisconsin, my favorite place on earth. While I realize it's not exotic, other than perhaps the loons, it is where I often dream of being on a regular basis. It's all tied up in childhood memories and long afternoons of nothing but peace and quiet. It is possibly the only place on earth where I cannot be reached by phone and I like it that way.

I suspect that I will probably play shuffleboard, tetherball, air hockey (if it rains), and a serious game of Monopoly or two. This will be accompanied by swimming, fishing and my favorite, laying on the dock in the sun. I'm sure that we'll catch enough fish to grill some one night and if not, we'll head up the road to a quaint supper club. This is the land that time forgot and I like it that way. Nothing has really changed all that much since I was a kid. Sure there's the new bypass around the big town of Eagle River, but other than that, really, not much has changed. As Martha would say, "It's a good thing."

Steaming Mad

2008-06-15T18:01:00.004-05:00

Why is it that every time I bend a little further than I should for someone, I end up wanting to commit a jailable offense? You know, if this was just me involved that would be one thing, but I have a little guy whose family doesn't have much money and has been patiently waiting to start his therapy and the week he is finally supposed to start, the therapist that they hired bails. It's a good thing I don't know where she lives.

Ready to Rock

2008-06-05T18:05:00.002-05:00

I know I've been a bit elusive lately. Busy season at work and in life. Just wanted you all to know that I am alive and kicking. In typical Ten S style, I will be heading out to R.E.M. tomorrow night and am equally excited that Modest Mouse and The National are both opening up for them. Perhaps a dose of loud music will bring me out of my semi-hibernation.

The "Squirrels" of Kauai

2008-05-11T18:03:00.009-05:00

Within moments of being on the ground in Kauai, I noticed a strange phenomenon. Chickens. Hawaiians call them "moa." They were everywhere. At first I thought it was just a loosely guarded farm area we were going through. Then, when I had been to several places on the island, I realized they were omnipresent. Roosters were cock-a-doodle-doing at all hours of the day everywhere we went. Hens scurried along with chicks in tow. Parks were full of them. I called home one night and talked to Sweetness and told her about the rampant chickens. She said, "Are they the squirrels of Kauai?" Indeed, they are. While I am sure that the water off the coast has abundant fish, the island itself is full of chickens. I was pretty pleased.

The second day we were there we took a boat ride around the island with the hope of going snorkeling. Unfortunately, the swells were too big and they left the water churned up and full of sharks. The island was beautiful from the boat. The only word that I can think of to adequately describe the Napali coast of Kauai is mystical. There are these great huge cliffs that are green and sheer at the same time, with narrow dark canyons between them. We also visited one of the tropical botanical gardens on the island and had a fabulous time just wandering almost on our own through an Eden-like garden with wild orchids and lush foliage everywhere.

I can't say I was super excited to come home after such a lovely adventure. You know you've had a good vacation when you really want to stay. But here I am, back home with my nose stuck in my books again. A little jet lagged, but a little more relaxed than I was a week ago.

I'm Gonna Get Lei'd!

2008-04-30T19:58:00.003-05:00

It's been far too long since I've been out and about in the world. My last vacation was last June, and needless to say, all the effects of the relaxation have worn off by now. Well, thank goodness for Mr. Ten S' company, because they are sponsoring our trip next week to Kauai. That's right. Saturday morning Mr. Ten S and I are boarding a plane and are heading to a place far far away from here where people will bring us drinks and we can lay around in the sun all day long if we feel like it.

Good thing this came around, because I am royally burned out. Too much work and school are again sucking the life right out of me. Truthfully, I plan on spending much of the time pretending I'm a sleepy cat, always looking for a good place to nap in the sun. So bring on the tiki bars and leis! I'm ready to lounge.

Keeping It Close To Home

2008-04-22T20:59:00.003-05:00

Much like the woman in this video, I have now come close to completing the items on this checklist. Eating local has been the challenge of the year. I will admit that sometimes I fail, but more often than not, with just a little bit of extra effort, it is absolutely possible to eat local. It helps that Bink's favorite food is Whitefish, which is a fish of the Great Lakes. It helps that Sweetness' favorite snack is apples. It helps that we all have a fondness for root veggies, which kept us on track this winter. I'm looking forward to a summer of fabulous local crops, including our own. If I could keep a chicken, I'd do that too! It's all the small things that we do that will keep our beautiful earth healthy longer. And don't forget to turn out the lights!

A Cat and a Cup

2008-04-17T23:40:00.004-05:00

Much thanks to Beth for her partnership and camaraderie in our tribute to college radio. I am what I am today because of college radio. I'm not going to say I'm smarter, because I certainly "skimped" on my study time when devoted to the station, but I have great memories and music that I carry in my heart everywhere. That's worth way more than the sheepskin on my wall. Please feel free to click on the link above to view our cooperative labor of love and thank Beth for me!

"Left" Out

2008-04-12T16:41:00.003-05:00

In the late eighties, Split Enz frontman Neil Finn formed what was to be a band that went on to eclipse the Split Enz fame. Crowded House, for me, was one of those bands who even though they attained fairly wide commercial success, never was nor became anything less than a group that consistently produced impeccable music. Their lyrics and harmonies have stayed with me through many years now. Rich and luscious, with Neil's pure voice layered on top, they were and are again one of the best bands that have straddled the alternative/commercial line. While they were a little too commercial to get played on most alternative stations and a little too alternative and thoughtful to get ridiculous overplay on commercial stations, they managed to find their audience, and I for one, appreciate the music they've left for us. This is my very favorite song by them.

CROWDED HOUSE-Into Temptation

Back in the Game

2008-04-06T19:05:00.003-05:00

SWEET-Action
Aw hell, this video has nothing to do with anything, but it's kind of the frame of mind I'm in right now and therefore, I'm posting it. School starts again tomorrow. Gratefully, the break seemed really long and I actually feel refreshed and pleased that I took some time to remind myself why I'm putting myself through this torture. The good news classwise is that I have the same professor I had for Statistics and he is great. I'm looking forward to another class with him. Even though this is all online, you defintitely get a very strong feel for people's personalities. So, rock out glam style. I'm letting my hair down one last time before I suck it up for the final push. As Bink said today, "Just think, in about a year Bush will be gone and you'll have your Master's. Perfect timing!"

The Verdict

2008-04-02T19:17:00.003-05:00

Unless they are wrong, my knee problems have been sorted out and the result is not a very happy one for me. My right knee is now feeling fine after being therapized for the last three weeks. My poor left knee, however, is barely better than when I started therapy. Today they told me that it most likely is a problem with my medial meniscus (see illustration). What this means is that this is not just tired muscles or something that has been pulled. This is a piece of my body that basically said, "Screw you. You will never run again."

More than likely, it was damaged because of my faulty mechanics due to ye olde ankle injury. Damn, if that thing hasn't come back to haunt me time after time. If I had known that taking a study break to play in the snow would ruin a portion of my life forever, I would've stayed planted on the sofa. Now I fell like I'm stuck planted on the sofa for an eternity. Today I had to have the "Well, what can I do?" talk. I can swim, ride my bike and maybe walk. Lifting weights is OK too because the movement is controlled. I want to cry. I want to scream. I want to run.

As I sit here, about to start school again for the final year and change push, I feel like I didn't accomplish what I wanted to in my time off, which was to get in shape. Actually, my legs are in great shape right now, thanks to physical therapy and the task masters there. I feel my body getting older and I feel like it's time to fight back. If I let go now, it really is all downhill. I'm not ready for that and probably never will be. I just need to wrap my head around the new reality. Maybe if I continue with therapy, and maybe if I regain a little more function in my ankle, I might have a shot at running again. But for now, it's an aborted mission. And it was starting to feel really good again, too.

When the Lights Go Out

2008-03-30T10:27:00.002-05:00

Although Earth Hour Chicago only managed to produce a 5% reduction in energy usage, hopefully the longterm impact will be greater. As I looked out our windows last night, I saw that about a quarter of our neighbors had clearly heard about Earth Hour and were active participants in turning off all their lights for an hour last night. We turned out ours and are going out today to purchase the new CFL lights to replace most of our old lights. For us, this is step two in a plan to lead a more energy conscious and efficient life.

I read article after article about how we are ravaging our planet and how our planet is no longer able to withstand our constant onslaught of abuse. As I've grown older, I am no longer paralyzed with the feeling of helplessness when confronted with issues like this. I know that if we each do our part, we can create change. While I realize that not everyone will support this kind of effort, it is no reason to give up hope. It's my job to do my part and that's what I'm trying to do as best I can. Once again, education and personal action can make a world of difference.

BLACK KEYS-When the Lights Go Out

Rock Band Hall of Fame

2008-03-25T08:33:00.002-05:00

Tonight Bink and I have a mission. To rock Moscow. If we succeed, we will be inducted into the Rock Band Hall of Fame. The only thing standing between us and the honor is an eight song set. Bink is hoping it doesn't include "Enter the Sandman." I hope it doesn't include "Run for the Hills." That song is crazy high and I have to sing almost all of it in falsetto, which makes my throat feel like raw meat by the time I finish it. Wish us luck. This is our proudest moment.

Happy Peepster!

2008-03-22T22:57:00.005-05:00

THE DONNER PARTY RECREATED IN PEEPS

Happy Easter, if that's your thing, everybody! I had to share our peeptastic adventure. Sweetness was offered extra credit by her Social Studies teacher if she created a Peeps diorama portraying any historical event. My contribution was providing the widest variety of Peep product as I could. Sweetness took them and ran. We used to live in California. We used to live on Donner Avenue. Really. We did. So, of course, she chose that moment of history and her odd personal connection to it as her inspiration for some Peep magic. She used blue Peep bunnies, as she felt they were anatomically closer to humans than the chicks and therefore better to create cannibalization, and the lovely new yellow Peep tulips to represent the fire that they roasted the poor soul over. She's a nice girl. I swear. So, hope you all have a Happy Easter and if you are planning a journey out west, I recommend you take the path most travelled, as opposed to the shortcut.

Achy Breaky Random Ten

2008-03-14T10:41:00.003-05:00

This week's random ten finds me a bit achy and a bit breaky. I have a fever and I managed to damage my knees at the gym. I'm Adviled up and iced down and feeling a little less tenacious than usual. Hopefully this won't stop me from seeing Negro Commando tomorrow night at the Cobra Lounge. Negro Commando was the incubator for Naked Raygun. It consisted of Marko Pezzati, Jeff Pezzati and Santiago Durango. I doubt they will ever play together again, so it sure would be nice to be well enough to go. Here's some fuel for your weekend:

1. We Used to be Friends-The Dandy Warhols
2. Challengers-The New Pornographers
3. Seagulls Screaming Kiss Me, Kiss Me-XTC
4. 1000 Tons of Ice-The Bomb
5. Sad Transmission-The Raveonettes
6. Alex Chilton-The Replacements
7. Hit a Nerve-The Methadones
8. Mirrorful-Jawbox
9. Give Me Novacaine-Green Day
10. Plots and Plans-Film School

FILM SCHOOL-Like You Know

Mixtape Madness

2008-03-10T22:39:00.002-05:00

I am one happy kitty! For all of you who know me, you know how much I love to win! And win I did. I will be assisting the lovely Ms. Cup on an upcoming Mix Tape. You betcha there'll be Raygun!

Return of the Friday Random 10

2008-03-07T08:34:00.002-06:00

I know. I know. I have been a horrible slacker. No excuses this time. Let's rock!

1. Bittersweet-Hoodoo Gurus
2. Target-Fugazi
3. Jumping Someone Else's Train-The Cure
4. When the Rainbow Comes-World Party
5. Always in Love-Wilco
6. This Wheel's on Fire-Siouxsie and the Banshees
7. West End Girls-Pet Shop Boys
8. Hours-TV on the Radio
9. Etheriel-Lush
10. Idiot Princess-Guided By Voices

HOODOO GURUS-Bittersweet

Many years ago, during my last year in undergrad a bunch of my friends and I lived in a house together. We all worked at the radio station together and each room had its own vibe. Next door to us lived a bunch of guys that were in a local Columbia, South Carolina band that I can only describe as The Cramps meet Guns and Roses. Their house was not surprisingly called Voodoo Mansion. We decided our house needed a name as well and my roommate, Heather, who adored the Hoodoo Gurus named our house the Hoodoo Hut. Now anytime I hear their music, I am transported back to that time and place.

Mutant Pets

2008-03-06T21:38:00.005-06:00

This is Ed. Ed is the main act in the mutant pet parade that we have going on at our house. Ed is beautiful, but as you can tell by the look in his eye, he is no angel. Ed spends his days alternating between sleeping on any clothes that might be laying around the house (he especially has taken a shine to Bink's down parka) and blazing through the house, sounding much like an entire herd of wildebeest. Ed believes that because he is beautiful, he is also dainty. He frequently likes to jump on top of my dresser or Sweetness' dresser thusly clearing the decks with his large furry hindquarters. Except for the attempts when he crashes on the way up and sulks off, licking his fur and his pride. Ed likes his water fresh from the tap and yowls for us to turn it on at 6 a.m.. Ed also likes the following two pets and is often found perched on top of their cage with his paw swiping down into the cage hoping for an afternoon snack.

Our next mutant pets are Mandy the guinea pig(*break into Barry Mannilow in your mind at this point*) and Moon Unit the "dwarf" lop-eared bunny (*break into "Valley Girl" in your mind now). Mandy has been with us for a couple of years and really, other than the copious quantity of poop that she produces, she is pretty cool. Sadly, lately, she has become the bunny's bitch. We bought the bunny a few months ago at the insistence of Sweetness. It was the smallest bunny in the hutch at the pet store and we were told it was a "dwarf" rabbit. I think what they meant to say was that it was a baby bunny and would be getting much larger. At this point, I am convinced it is doubling in size each day. Moon Unit has decided that Mandy is not clean enough and has taken to grooming her 24/7. Poor Mandy cowers in the corner and submits to the bunny's incessant licking. Then there's the hopping. I don't know about you, but I really wouldn't want to be steamrolled by what looks to be a bullet out of a shotgun that was twice my weight and size. I know I shouldn't, but I do laugh really hard when the bunny gets a full head of steam on and crashes into Mandy, literally sending her tumbling end over end.

Last, but not least, there is lowly Grottle the tortoise. Grottle has been with us almost a year. She is slow but as sweet as a tortoise could possibly be. Sadly, she is our constantly ailing pet. Just like the lizard that went before her, she can't seem to keep healthy and has cost way too much for anything so unfuzzy. Her story is not so funny. I soak her and put drops in her eyes and give her supercharged vitamin water and she still is sickly. I think if anything happens to her, I'm going to give up on the whole reptile thing. They aren't meant to be pets. Ed does enjoy watching her soak in her little tub, although not as much as he enjoys watching guinea and bunny when they are in their big pen for a run. For that show, he hides behind various Hot Wheel track inching closer and closer, as if we don't see his large furry self sneaking up on them.

The point here is, well, there isn't much of a point. I always wondered as a kid why my parents wouldn't let me have more pets. I think I have my answer now. I just didn't want to be one of those parents who wouldn't let their kids have pets. As odd as they all are, they are part of our family, for better or for worse.

Just Sayin'

2008-03-03T17:31:00.003-06:00

I realize I am stating the obvious when I make this comparison, but come on. Is this really the personification of rock and roll or just a horror film gone wrong? And I sit and watch it all. What does that say about me?

Sorry...I've Been Sleeping

2008-02-28T20:38:00.003-06:00

I think I am slowly perfecting the art of hibernating, or at least semi-hibernating. I've had busy days and have been in bed around 9:30 most nights. Life just has no pull against the thought of warm blankets. Just making the most of the end of the hibernation season.

Please enjoy this video while I nap.

THE CURE-Lullaby

Annual Checkup

2008-02-21T09:03:00.005-06:00

The recent shootings at Northern Illinois University have raised questions once again as to why these events keep happening. While I can't say that this is my area of expertise, I do think that our failings in dealing with mental health issues is one of the roots of this problem. In this article (http://www.boston.com/news/education/higher/articles/2005/04/17/colleges_target_mental_health/), the issue of both stigma of mental health issues is raised as well as how effective we are in dealing with them. It is a fact that many mental health disorders begin in late childhood and early adulthood. It is not uncommon for a mental health disorder to have rapid onset. Knowing the signs and symptoms of the most common disorders should be as widely spread knowledge as women knowing how to do a self breast exam. We know the signs of a heart attack. We know many of the warning signals of cancer. Why do we still as a society seem mystified by mental health disorders?

I believe part of the reason for our failing level of knowledge in this area of health is the stigma that mental health issues still carry. Just like many other illnesses they are often genetic in nature. Much like the rise in other illnesses due to the environmental pollutants we live with, mental health disorders often are triggered by many of these same elements. We fill our food with additives and preservatives. We drink water from lakes with barely acceptable mercury levels. Is it any surprise that there is an increase in mental health disorders? Yet, unlike their medical counterparts, mental health issues carry with them a stigma. Only with widespread knowledge will this stigma ever be lifted.

So, what should we do? My suggestion is to take mental health issues just as seriously as physical health. Know the signs and symptoms of some of the most common disorders. If you have concerns, take yourself or your child immediately to a licensed psychologist or psychiatrist. You wouldn't attempt to treat yourself for cancer. Why would anyone think that they could attempt to treat a mental health disorder on their own?

Run...

2008-02-18T22:39:00.002-06:00

Those who have known me for a long time know that once upon a time, I was a runner. My freshman year in college I was goofing around in the first snow of the season in Grand Rapids, Michigan and broke my ankle. I wish I could say it was a simple fracture, but the truth was that I literally shattered the joint and couldn't even walk for longer than I can even believe. For years my ankle was weak and even with physical therapy, I was left with seriously curtailed range of motion. I really, in some aspects, have never been the same.

At the time of the accident, I was a pretty physically active person. I enjoyed running, riding my bike and skiing. After the accident, all of these things were very painful to me and usually ended up in further injury due to compensating for my less than perfect ankle. I really haven't run in any serious way since then. I have missed it all these years. When I think of who I am, part of who I think I am is a runner. I still think I am a runner. Today for a short time, I was a runner.

I am always afraid of breaking into a run because of the pain that it frequently involves. I have been busy with school and more out of shape than ever lately. Today at the gym, I was warmed up and walking at a good speed and with a steep incline and when I lowered the incline and upped the speed, I kind of thought, "Why not?" What was the worst thing that would happen. I might fall. I might not be able to handle the pace. The worst thing that did happen was that I immediately noticed the extra weight I have been carrying.

In a heartbeat, or a few hundred, I felt like a runner again. I immediately found my stride and my old running posture felt like a friend. I like the feeling of pushing myself further than I think I can go. I like crawling up into the far recesses of my brain to find that extra bit of strength to get me through. I am very good at moving through pain. I realized today that I can run again.

Two seconds after this realization, my dream of one day running a marathon also came springing back to life. I thought of Bubs' sad experience this past year, but I also thought of another friend's positive experience a few years ago. At 43, I am not ready to give up on my long held dream. I'm a girl who likes a project and a challenge. It's what I live for.

So here's the deal. I really want to run a marathon. It's early in the season and I do think I could be ready by next fall. The thought of seriously being a runner again makes me giddy. Keep in mind that I ran today in walking shoes and those suckers are heavy! I can do this. I want to do this. I'm not sure yet how I am going to balance this with school when it starts again, but I'm tired of being unhealthy and I desperately miss running. I'm putting this out there so that people will check in with me and make sure I'm not slacking. I want to bring back that part of who I am. I want to hear that gun go off. I want to run.

The Belly of Winter

2008-02-11T13:13:00.000-06:00

The holidays are over, the first few beautiful snows have come and gone. The temperatures have hit rock bottom. Is it any wonder that many of us start to feel a little uneasy this time of year? Even though T S Elliott has said that April is the cruellest month, I have always felt that February is far worse. There really is no promise of spring yet. Winter is growing old. The lack of sun starts to take its toll on the collective psyche of the metropolitan area, leaving most people a little crankier and sullen than usual. When I think of Chicago, I think of people with a big warm smile, but not so much in February. This is the month that I wonder why people don't hibernate. I'm jealous of bears. I want nothing more than to curl up under a pile of blankets and stay there until the sun moves further north and the world is a little brighter again.

Start Making the Dream a Reality Today

2008-02-05T08:15:00.000-06:00

I don't know about any of you, but screw Mardi Gras this year. I am so much more excited to go vote and begin changing America. I know I only have one vote and that this is only the primaries, but today I feel like I can have a hand in reclaiming our country. It's finally happening.

Despite All My Rage I Am Still Just a Rat in a Cage

2008-02-01T18:22:00.000-06:00

Can't think of a more fun way to spend a weekend than to have multiple observers while you do therapy. I'm in the process of getting an additional certification for my job and today I got to try out the new therapy technique with one of my clients while several people watched from another room. In all honesty, in many ways it really doesn't fluster me at all, I just hate the idea of it. I have no real fear of failing in front of others in part because I know that therapy is such a crap shoot anyways. Each kid is different and every day is different and depending on who is in what kind of mood, sometimes you are just more successful than others. It's a harsh reality, but it's the truth.

So this new therapy shows a lot of promise, but in some ways I feel like I am being reined in a bit too much. A lot like my experience with religion, I have a hard time really feeling like anything is the be all and end all in the world of therapy. I have learned to trust my years of experience and my knowledge of the child. So, to be hobbled by one particular approach is a bit difficult. Even though I claim to be an ABA practitioner, my boss likes to call what we do "enlightened ABA." This essentially means that if something isn't working, fix it.

I guess in some ways I don't mind being poked at and stared at as long as it gets me closer to having a better solution for my clients. I have a lot of questions for our teacher tomorrow. I get critiqued in the morning and I hope I learn something. Later in the day I get to do my best rat impression again. Sometimes I wonder if my clients feel the same way.

Another Year Older and Closer to Death

2008-01-25T18:56:00.001-06:00

Mr. Ten S and I will be at Exit tomorrow night where they will be spinning '80's and industrial music upstairs from about 10 until we tip over. Just wanted a chance to hear the music that I love REAL LOUD for my birthday this year. Love to have you join us! Let me know if you're thinking about heading over, so I can save a chair for you!

5 Things I Had No Clue About When I Was 25

2008-01-24T20:26:00.000-06:00

While it often seems that time flies, when I think about being 25, that was a LONG time ago. So thanks to Bubs, I am supposed to come up with five things that I didn't expect to be in mylife when I was 25.

1. Being Married to Mr. Ten S-When I was 25, we had just barely started dating. Although I did like him a whole lot, I had no idea that we would be spending our lives together.

2. Attempting Graduate School Twice-Because apparently once was not enough for me. I almost finished a MS in Communication Disorders, but then kids and life set me on a slightly different path. I think I always knew though that I would not be satisfied with myself until I completed a Master's degree, hence, round two.

3. Losing My Mom-My dad is a full ten years older than my mom and I think everyone in my family just assumed that we would lose dad first. Not that I wished death on either one of them, but it was a shock when my mom got sick and it is the one thing that has changed me more than I could ever tell anyone in words. I am not the same person. I will never be the same person again. I'm OK, just very different. Unless it has happened to you, you will never understand what I am saying even if you try.

4. Being Around For a Naked Raygun Reunion-Come on. I had to lighten it up. I love Naked Raygun. You all know that. It goes far beyond just liking the music. These are great guys in a band that to me is part of my hometown and part of who I am and how I identify myself. I was sad when they did a reunion when I lived in California and feared I would never see them live ever again. I had no idea that when I contacted Jeff Pezzati on a whim and a dream to play my 40th birthday party that it would buy me a frontseat to their reunion and a rekindling of a friendship that I now treasure.

5. Two Kids That Amaze Me-Although I think I always knew I would have kids, I never really dreamed about who they would be. From the very beginning I have tried to not impose expectations on them and to let them unfold as their own person. By doing this, I am constantly amazed and surprised by them. Sweetness is an interesting and artistically talented girl with an old soul. Bink is crunchy on the outside with a gooey center that is all love sprinkled with curiosity.

I couldn't have asked for more and I have more than I ever imagined in many ways. Loss has taught me to appreciate every moment with every person. Distance has taught me to appreciate my hometown. Struggle has taught me to appreciate the moments of calm. I consider myself a very fortunate person. I have done many things that I wanted to do. I love and feel loved. I know who I am.

Important Update!

2008-01-19T17:20:00.001-06:00

I look like this again! Because I am Tenacious S, I tracked down my professor just so I could get an explanation of the grade. I wasn't going to accept this easily. She emailed me almost immediately and was full of apology because she said that when she printed out my paper the last six pages didn't print. WTF? As if I would write an impeccable paper and then just not write a Summary or a Reference section. Well, thank goodness my tenacity paid off. My grade is now the A it should have been all along. I knew it! Back in the hunt for Magna Cum Laude. Or not.

I feel a little bad that I have been a blog slacker lately. The good news is that I actually have been busy working and having a life. Saw Eddie clearwater last night at Bill's Blues in Evanston, which is owned by our friend. I hung out, heard great music and drank until I literally fell off my chair. That's when I decided it was time to go home. See? I really am smart!

This is What I Look Like When I Am a Little Angry

2008-01-14T16:50:00.000-06:00

I just found out today that I got a B in my last class. I am not happy. I am especially not happy because I worked harder and longer on that term paper than any other. It virtually ruined Christmas for our family. I deserve an A for the sacrifice alone! Further irritating me is that I was given a grade with no explanation of anything. Last I checked, I was still getting an A. What the hell happened? This is exactly why I hate grad school. This is what I remember from last time.

Last time I was in school, I had to drive well over an hour to get there. One semester I drove all the way down to pick up a copy of our take home final only to find out that the professor hadn't made enough copies and that she was nowhere to be found. Mind you, this was before the days of email. I had to *&%$$%%% drive back two days later to get a copy and then had two days less to complete the stupid thing.

What I remember is that if you didn't read your professor right, you could have your grade lowered just because they never really articulated what it was they were expecting. I followed the rubric exactly for this paper. It was edited over and over again. It was plenty long and well supported. I just want to know at this point what I did wrong so I don't do it again.

In a way, as irritated as I am, it is a blessing in disguise. I no longer have a prayer of Magna Cum Laude. That was a ridiculous pressure I was putting on myself. I guess now maybe I'll be a little more relaxed about this. I'm not perfect. My grades aren't perfect. Oh well.

I am even happier that I am taking this quarter off. I probably needed a little perspective. Towards the end, I kind of felt like I was on a runaway train with no hope of controlling it or stopping it. It was a bad ride. Maybe when I go back I'll be able to enjoy it a little more. I am learning lots of cool stuff and all that matters in the end is that I get my degree and get on with my life.

Seven Things You Don't Know About Me (But Lulu Might)

2008-01-09T20:39:00.000-06:00

I always feel a little weird writing these types of posts. I think part of it is because I am not a particularly secretive person and have a tendency to just blab whatever comes to mind with little filter. So, are there seven things you don't know? Let's find out. Thanks to Flannery for hooking me up with the ability to potentially embarass myself.

1. I have a few vivid memories from when I was two. I've been told that not many people have memories from when they were that young. Bink, my son, also has very early memories. What this means or if this is of any benefit, I don't know.

2. I named my first cat Tabitha, after the girl on Bewitched. We later found out it was a boy and changed his name to Charlie.

3. I punched a hole in the wall of the duplex I lived in during my junior year in college. The guys who lived on the other side would not stop playing Night Ranger and I was in full Bauhaus mode at that time. Yup. I hate Night Ranger that much.

4. I preferred playing with GI Joe to Barbie, which made my childhood friend Laura cry more than once because I ran off to play with her brothers. I never really liked girls' toys very much. Unlike Flannery, I didn't want to be a boy, but I preferred their company.

5. The first few times I DJed at the college radio station I refused to talk. My friend, Jeanne, did the shift with me, so I would spin the records and do all the technical stuff and Jeanne would talk. It didn't last very long. I ended up liking it and spent far too much time at the station before it was all said and done. It's a minor miracle I graduated college.

6. Being a big fat chicken probably saved my life once. I went on a wilderness trip to the mountains in southeast Colorado when I was in high school. While we were there, we went on several rock climbing excursions. Because there was a large number of us climbing, those who reached the top and were waiting were clipped into an anchored ring for obvious safety reasons. When I reached the top, I was supposedly clipped in with everyone else. A bunch of people were getting silly and were running for the edge of the cliff, only to get yanked back when they ran out of rope and were anchored. Almost everyone did this. I hate heights and it was a amazing that I even managed the climb, so I clearly chose not to participate in this game. I found out as we were leaving that they had made a mistake with my ropes and I wasn't clipped in like the rest of them. I would have gone sailing off the edge of the cliff.

7. I have almost zero knowlege of primetime TV from my younger years. My parents were very strict both with what we could watch and how much we could watch. I really only remember Flipper, Little House on the Prairie, some Waltons, The Muppet Show and Emergency (which I lived for since I thought that Randolph Mantooth/Johnny Gage was totally hot). So if you all refer to retro TV shows, I haven't a clue.

Seems like lots of folks have already done this, so I'm only going to tag Lulu. Anarchy!

Really Important Announcement!!!!

2008-01-07T16:20:00.000-06:00

Just noticed that none other than the New York Dolls are playing at the Double Door on Saturday, February 23. I think this may need to be an event!

A New Leaf

2008-01-06T18:00:00.000-06:00

As the new year unfolds, I find myself thinking more and more about what I can do to make this world a better place in the coming year. I have often thought about getting one of the local farm delivery bushels, but I live in a house with one very picky eater in it and worry that some would go to waste, as the selections are made for you. I don't really have the money to buy food that will go unused and, well, it kind of seems like it would defeat the purpose. So I started searching around for alternatives and I think I have arrived at a couple. I've long known that there is a local poultry seller in neighboring Glenview. I pass nearby at least once a week in my travels. We eat a lot of chicken. Today I was cheered even further by the discovery of a local market that sells mainly local produce. Even better, it is an independent business, which I prefer to patronize. Best yet, it's no further than I used to travel to another store that I frequented, so I don't feel like I'll be burning tons of fuel to get there.

Time off of school has given me the chance to reflect that I kind of didn't have time for in the past year or so. I'm hoping I can start some new habits during these three months off that will carry me through the rest of my schooling with myself, my family and our impact on the planet in better shape. We have already gone on a "lights off" campaign and I have taught the kids to turn off the lights while proclaiming, "Save the polar bears." I know we have only begun to make some changes, but we are all mindful of the consequences and I think that's a good place to start.

Friday 10, Better Late Than Never

2008-01-04T20:55:00.001-06:00

1. Give Me Novacaine-Green Day
2. Highwire Days-Psychedelic Furs
3. Funk Pop A Roll-XTC
4. Save It For Later-The English Beat
5. The Mule-Naked Raygun
6. Falling Forward-The Methadones
7. Gary's Got a Boner-The Replacements
8. Pump It Up-Elvis Costello
9. Bright Fresh Flower-Robyn Hitchcock and the Egyptians
10. Green Gloves-The National

After a long absence from the Friday 10, I've returned. My only comment is that there was no monkey business regarding the connection between #7 and #8. I swear. Happy Friday!

Wherein Tenacious S Realizes That Being OCD Pays Off

2007-12-30T13:03:00.000-06:00

As Lulu has recounted, we had a lovely evening a couple of days ago sitting around, saying nothing and listening to records on my new turntable. While there is a turntable in our house (which technically is mine),but after fourteen years of marriage has become community property and lives in Mr. Ten S's office, I really don't use it that often since my records are down in the basement, three floors down. So sitting around with Lulu and playing albums at whim and request was quite a treat for me.

What you need to understand is that my albums are my babies and always have been. I remember getting really frosty when my high school boyfriend upon our breakup suggested that I listen to The Police's "I Can't Stand Losing You." In this song it talks about returning LP's and that they got scratched up in the hands of the borrower. While he was equally OCD, encasing each record in the special anti-static/anti-scratch inner sleeve and every album in a clear plastic outer sleeve, the insinuation that I had scratched a record was just fuel for the breakup fire.

Lulu can vouch for me when I say that my albums are for the most part, aside from cat hair from past kitties being stuck inside every single album I opened, pristine. The covers just as vibrant as day one. The lyric sheets in perfect shape. The vinyl itself with no blemishes visible to the naked eye. While over the years I have been mocked from time to time about my OCD tendencies when it comes to the care and keeping of these albums (they are filed alphabetically and chronologically within each band), I am glad I was a twitchy lightswitch licking freak that obsessed about them. Years later I am the proud owner of a lovely album collection that brings me great joy and pride. And now, I will go take my medication. *twitch*twitch*

Merry Christmas, Everybody!

2007-12-25T20:13:00.000-06:00

Hope everyone has had a wonderful Christmas. Thought I'd spread some of the silly cheer we enjoyed today. For a second year in a row, Santa was very good to me. Those who know me, will know that Santa is a mind reader and knew that I would get tons of enjoyment from this:

I know I'm off school for the next few months, but if I seem absent, you'll know I'm ripping and burning, baby! Finally, my beloved vinyl will be available to me 24/7. Oh, the possibilities! In the car, while I study, at the gym... I'm going digital! Merry Christmas, everyone. I do love you all.

How Much Has Changed?

2007-12-19T23:13:00.001-06:00

In 1984, one of my good friends gave us all a copy of this EP (I'll explain on request for those too young to understand) for Christmas. When I look back, this was the year my eyes opened. I saw the world beyond mine. I signed petitions for Amnesty International, I subscribed to the Christian Science Monitor to get news outside our media. I wrote the piece for Africa in our college paper. I knew what was going on. Again, how much has changed? Change the name of the nation. Change the name of the specific issue. How much smarter are we? Merry Christmas to all.

Master Illusionist

2007-12-12T06:51:00.000-06:00

Apparently David Blaine is going to attempt to set a world record for sleep deprivation. Ha, ha, sucker! I started first and I'm gonna beat you!

Deer in Headlights Vol. II

2007-12-09T21:05:00.000-06:00

Once again I find myself in the unenviable condition of having a large (25 pages) paper due on Friday afternoon and exactly two sentences written. I can't seem to find my way into my writer's mode. I know once the switch flips, I'll word vomit almost ten pages immediately, but I can't seem to make it happen. I predict several sleepless nights this week. This only makes me more happy that I am taking the next quarter off. I just have lost the will to do this for now. I'm so distracted by my life that I can't make school the main focus. And right now, it shouldn't be either. Christmas will have to wait until Friday at 5. That's when I will be released from the prison of grad school for a little vacation. I'm itching to get out, but I have one hell of a roadblock right now. Send good thoughts and any writer's tips if you have any, 'cuz I'm fresh out of inspiration right now.

This One Goes to 11

2007-12-03T23:08:00.001-06:00

If I have a fault in life, it's that I don't know how to stop. Thank you, Anandamide, for recogonizing and appreciating my achilles heel, I mean, my finest feature. There's nothing I love more than winning a contest. Well, maybe getting an "A" on my schoolwork, but you get the point.

Two For Tuesday

2007-12-03T22:42:00.000-06:00

OK, I'm a bit scattered in general and I kind of forgot I was trying to do a weekly feature. Welcome to my life. This is normal. Anyhow, the idea of this two'fer is supposed to be something old and something new. I'll start with the new.

THE NATIONAL-Slow Show

I think they feel like an old comfortable pair of shoes, a pair that apparently sings and plays lovely music. Yeah. That's it. Anyhow, I haven't had enough time to really absorb them completely, but on first drive-by they remind me of...

NICK CAVE AND THE BAD SEEDS-Do You Love Me

Somthing about the atmospheric deperateness in the sound of these two bands. It's retro yet timeless. A heartbreak in slow motion, your breath crystallizing in the air as you walk down the street at night, the loneliness of a big city.

Smooth Sailing

2007-11-30T14:32:00.000-06:00

I know this isn't totally new, but thought some of you might appreciate the tongue in cheek humor of the Yacht Rock series. While I would venture to say that this music is about the antithesis of what I listen to, I love watching these hilarious skits. There are ten of them and worth an hour of your time. So, grab a Pina Colada, your captain's hat and sail away with the Yacht Rock experience. Happy Friday!

Revenge

2007-11-25T12:04:00.000-06:00

The last two weekends have been a bit of a blur. Last weekend, although I had planned on going two days, I was limited to one day at RiotFest due to work, homework and Bink's school project. What a day it was, though. I had the very good fortune of being gifted with backstage passes, which not only got us a sweet spot to hang and see the show, but munchies and free booze. Hence, the blur factor. I could go on and on and bore you all to death with the gritty details, but suffice it to say that Stiff Little Fingers and Naked Raygun were the highlights of the day for me. Last year Jeff had all but lost his voice, and so I was hoping for his sake that he would find a little redemption in this show. Whoa Hey Holy Ho! Naked Raygun rocked my face off. They sounded as good or better than I ever remember them sounding. I was pleased that they were able to crush any doubters out there. Stiff Little Fingers turned in a fierce set as well. Really, every band that played was amazing in their own way. I was just sorry my real life got in the way of being able to see Bad Brains on day two.

Going to Riot Fest is sort of an odd experience. There are a lot of people there far younger than I am and certainly more "decorated." Even in my prime rock-show-a-week days, I was never overboard with the punk gear. Maybe I liked Bauhaus too much to go whole hog with the punk thing. Mostly I think that back then, not that many people were as "punk" looking as some of the kids I see now. There was no Hot Topic. Our fashion mainstay at the time was thrift store bargains. So, I guess I feel like I really don't dress all that differently now than I did then. Anyhow, I was standing at one of the booths looking at t-shirts making small talk with the guy who was working. We talked about some of the bands playing and who we had seen when, enough for the guy to be able to take a good guess at my age. Then he says to me at some point, "Well, you've held up well, ma'am." All I could think was, wow, you are so very young. I think my husband was more annoyed by the comment than I was. I kind of figure it's what's on the inside that counts anyways and the kid was too young to know that. Besides, the sweet revenge of comments like that is that I know someday he'll be 42 and someone will call him "Sir" for the millionth time and he too will realize that it's what's on the inside that counts. And whether he realized it or not, we're part of the same tribe. He's the pesky kid and I'm now the annoying older aunt who's revenge is pinching cheeks when she feels like it.

So flash forward to last night. Last night was the premiere of "You Weren't There." It was a movie made about the beginning of the Chicago punk scene. Last night I was the annoying little brat and many of my aunties and uncles were there. Some of them scoffed at us in the movie, saying we weren't the real deal, the whole punk is dead story. Then what does that make Riot Fest? I guess it's all how you look at it, and in the end, it is kind of only music, but no matter how you slice it, it's somehow more than that. It's a force that drives like-minded people across generations together. You can call it whatever you want to call it. I don't think it really matters. I know I feel at home when I'm near it. I know that it's a part of who I am. Does it matter on a day to day basis? Not really, but it's nice to know it's there when I need it.

Whoa Hey Ho, Off to Naked Raygun I Go!

2007-11-17T14:36:00.000-06:00

I am like a kid running down the stairs on Christmas morning right now. I have my coat on and I am waiting for the cab that will take Mr. Ten S and I to Riot Fest where Naked Raygun will headline at 10 tonight. This is my favorite event of the year. A whole day of local and not-so-local punk bands. Loud music, crappy beer and my buddies in the bands. Life is sweet.

I Got Read To

2007-11-14T15:55:00.000-06:00

One of my favorite things in life is to be read to. No matter how old I get, I still really enjoy having a book, any book, read to me by a good storyteller. It can be an adult work of fiction or a simple child's story. the magic is in the delivery. Today, I had to observe a preschool classroom for one of my clients. Unbeknownst to me, it was library lady day! I was giddy with delight when I heard this news.

This particular librarian appeared to be about my age. She looked like a librarian. Funky little glasses, an odd sweater, a corduroy skirt, tights and red Mary Janes. You get the picture. She started by reading a book called The Gruffalo. It was delightful. Her voices were magnificent. Her pacing spectacualr. Her questions well-placed and interesting. I may have enjoyed it more than any of the kids in the classroom. She followed this up with a song about leaves and she scattered pretty colored fall leaves as she sang. Then she donned a Mother Goose apron and hat and told a few Mother Goose rhymes. She finished her performance with a flannel board story about a little red leaf. I was sad when it was over.

Maybe I'm a giant child, but that was the best half hour of my week so far.

The Payoff

2007-11-09T15:27:00.000-06:00

I've mentioned that work has been especially hard these last couple of months. I've had a few of my clients going through some pretty serious and important school transitions, so I have needed to give them my full attention and a lot of my time. This has included having to fire an aide and take over because some difficult behaviors had been started and when added to trying to acclimate to a new classroom on top of it, it was just easier to do the job myself than try to explain it to someone else.

It's been a rough go, with many days ending in my feeling like I've made the wrong choice for this child's placement. I wondered if I had pushed him too far. I worried that I might have damaged his progress. Things have slowly been getting better. This week they all fell into place. Thursday was the best day we've had together in the classroom. He was talking a lot (for him) and was able to join in most of the group activities in a meaningful way. I knew it was going well while it was happening. It was a fast-paced day and we both raced through it thoroughly enjoying every second.

On Thursdays, I drive him to his speech therapist's office, since it is on my way home. We've worked through a "seatbelt wearing issue" and so our drive was an easy one. As I made the last turn, I looked over my shoulder to check on him, only to find him sound asleep. I myself was feeling exhausted from the effort of the day, but it wasn't until I looked at him that I realized that he has been putting in just as much effort or more. I felt proud of him, the way that I do with my own children when they succeed at something.

I carried him into the office, still sound asleep and his therapist scooped him out of my arms and guessed that they wouldn't be doing any therapy that day. We both remarked about how we never get to just hold and love the kids we work with. We're paid to push and pull them and ourselves. I left feeling tired, but aware of how much I love my job and the kids I work with. I couldn't love them any more unless they were my own. In his efforts I found extra energy for the rest of our journey.

Better Together

2007-11-05T09:29:00.000-06:00

So I was reading and appropriately following links over at Twist O Lemon and stubled upon an Amazon "Better Together" recommendation. They were actually recommending that you read a book on depression and chase it with a book on madness. "WTF?" I thought. Are they serious? This of course sent me on an adventure of my own making. What else could I find that they recommended as a "Better Together" option. I found a book about Lincoln's melancholy paired with "The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression", a recommendation to purchase Celine Dion and Barry Manilow, Rub With Love chicken rub with any fine Popeil product (you do remember the Pocket Fisherman don't you?), Barbie Loves Tickle Me Elmo TMX AND Tickle Me Elmo TMX (now there's some Christmas fun!), and crotchless panties with a one year subscription to TeenVogue. Made me wonder what those folks at Amazon are smoking.

Gratuitous Cat Photo

2007-11-04T21:33:00.001-06:00

This is Ed. He likes to drink from the faucet, roll in a clean litter box and sit on top of the guinea pig cage. Ed also serves as an alarm clock. He is very loud. Just don't touch his tummy.

Punk or Poser

2007-11-04T17:54:00.001-06:00

Back in the day, being called a "poser" was about the worst comment someone could lob at you. It meant that you were only putting on a front, that you weren't a real punk. I'm throwing it out there. Prove yourselves. Punk or poser. The best show of the year is coming up with an enormous lineup. Riot Fest is only two short weeks away. I have my tickets. Do you have yours?

Seriously, the only thing that would make Riot Fest more fun is if some of you showed up. This year they are allowing ins and outs, so you won't be subjected to the fabulous food at the Congress if you don't want to be. There's plenty of beer and certainly more than enough awesome music. For any old geezers that are concerned, there is seating in the back of the first floor as well as in the balcony. If anyone is interested, please email me (sharonathayhaydotcom) and let me know and we can arrange a meeting time and place. As of right now, I am planning on going to the pre-show bash at the Cobra Lounge on Friday night, doing all day Saturday and at least part of Sunday. This is once again a chance to prove that bloggers are not introverted agoraphobic creatures. Get your punk asses in gear and get some tickets!

Forgive Me

2007-10-30T14:23:00.000-05:00

I apologize for not being around as much as I have been in the past. Rough start for everyone in our family this fall and I am the one left to sweep up. I have now morphed into Tenacious S-Super Advocate and will be spending most of my spare energy getting my kids squared away. I am frustrated beyond explanation with the school system. I seriously want to hurt someone at this point. I'm used to this battle because I do it all of the time for my clients. Now it's time to take them on for my own babes. I particularly am pissed off at my son's school and have fantasies about meeting the principal out behind the school and pummeling her into the ground. I can dream, can't I?

Life is Totally Fair...

2007-10-26T08:21:00.000-05:00

So, are we surprised that the victims of the California fires are getting the rock star treatment? The fires have conveniently occurred in what is basically a Republican stronghold, better known as the Orange Curtain. W and Ahhhnold have flown over the scene and have aid centers that rival the Ritz Carlton set up already. In one of the most population dense areas of the country, they have managed an evacuation of an enormous number of people. No Katrina here, folks. While I am truly glad that casualties have been low, it smacks of hypocrisy to me. Save the rich! And for goodness sakes, those folks need coffee and a comfy bed!

Monkey Business

2007-10-25T10:01:00.000-05:00

No, I'm not talking about the demise of our much beloved Green Monkey Music Project, but I am talking about mayhem created by real monkeys. Although this sort of news is usually covered by Bubs over at the Compound, I couldn't resist. Admittedly, it is a tragic story, but I couldn't let go of the images this one brings to mind.

Apparently, according to a news report, the deputy mayor of New Delhi was hanging out on his balcony reading, when he was attacked by a marauding gang of monkeys. A struggle ensued and the poor man fell to his death. The monkeys are becoming a real problem in New Delhi, where Hindus regard them as sacred.

Lulu's description of the American Club in Dhaka included reports of monkeys in the trees. She has asked me to come visit her. We've talked about going to New Delhi. Of all the things that one needs to prepare for when traveling to a different country, I never thought monkey attacks would be one of them.

The Mommy Monster

2007-10-24T20:03:00.000-05:00

There are many times when I find myself saying things to my children that sound strangely familiar to me. I call them my "Mommy Monster Moments." Those moments when I am no longer Tenacious S and turn into the Incredible Mommy. I try very hard to never end anything with a "because I said so" mostly because it drove me nuts as a kid, but I do most of the things you will now witness. Behold, the Mommy Monster!

Is It Wrong?

2007-10-21T14:52:00.000-05:00

Is it wrong that when I saw all the little files used for my root canal, all I could think of was Pinhead from Hellraiser? Just wondering.

GET PLASTERED!

2007-10-18T08:41:00.000-05:00

Hey, if you're bored and wondering what to do this Friday night, I suggest that you head over to Bill's Blues in Evanston on Davis just west of the tracks, where my friend, and local artist, Anne Elisabeth Hogh will be doing live casting. You can either go and watch people get plastered or you can volunteer yourself. If you love it, she'll turn it into a unique work of art for you. I'll be there from about 5 o'clock on. She'll be there from 4-close (really late and past my bedtime). Love to see some of you there.

The Books That I Read

2007-10-17T22:09:00.000-05:00

I really wanted to read a novel tonight. Really. I did. I wanted to curl up in my bed after having a lovely root canal today with a glass of red wine and some fine fiction. I wish that was what happened, but it's not. Doped up on pain killers and with a mouth that felt like it belonged to someone else, I plowed through yet another tedious chapter in yet another psychology text book. Sure, some of it is interesting and it absolutely is important, but it just isn't Michael Chabon, is it. I know it's making me smarter, but I'm a Renaissance kind of girl. I feel like I'm so narrowly focused that I'm missing out. My brain wants to run free in a field of fiction, or maybe even some non-fiction that has NOTHING to do with psychology. I'll console myself with the fact that I am honing my craft and sharpening my mind. Truth is, I'm bored.

WWBD (What Would a Behaviorist Do?) Vol. V

2007-10-14T21:18:00.001-05:00

Dear Behaviorist,
I just can't figure out why my children constantly find themselves in the principal's office. They go to an afterschool homework support firm, play soccer for the local and traveling teams, play an instrument, and belong to the youth group at church. Occasionally they complain that they are tired, but whenever I see them they are always giving it their all. I am so proud of them! I tell them this all of the time. I tell them that they are great soccer players, that they are gifted musicians and that they are incredibly bright children. What could possibly be wrong? My husband and I have devoted our entire lives to their success. I don't know what we'll do if we have discipline issues on our hands. This could affect their ability to take part in the traveling team. Help!

Signed,
Devoted Soccer Mom

Dear DSM,
Take a step back from your hectic life and think for a moment about why your children have snapped. Could it be your own insecurities being played out through their success? Could it be the intense pressure you have placed on them to perform? Could it be as simple as a lack of sleep? I think it is a combination of the three that is the antecedent to the anger outbursts happening at school. Ask yourself this question, when was the last time you asked your child what they would like to do? Or here's another one, do you have any interests of your own other than your children? Placing unrealistic expectations on children can cause large amounts of stress for both them and yourself. My suggestion is this, Try a little negative reinforcement (not the same as punishment). Relieve them of their pressures for a week. If they appear happier then the removal of the schedule is a negative reinforcer, telling you that you have removed the negative stimulus. Let me know what happens. I'll just bet that they will enjoy lowered expectations, but will surprise you by showing what their true interests are. Happy dribbling!

The Behaviorist

I Predict a Riot

2007-10-11T10:26:00.000-05:00

I love autumn. The chill in the air, the subtle hues of a gray sky juxtaposed with the vivid oranges, flaming reds and golden yellows of the leaves, watching the squirrels quicken their pace as they prepare for winter, the two days of chaotic, clamorous music blasting from the Congress stage...

November 17th and 18th are the two days of Riot Fest this year. Headlining day one is none other than my hometown heroes, Naked Raygun. Day two will be headlined by the infamous and seminal band Bad Brains. Some of the other bands on the bill are Stiff Little Fingers, 7 Seconds, Nekromantix, The Casualties, The Bollweevils and so much more. All of this in the fabulous Congress Theater.

So here's where I say we invoke a gathering of the tribe. I know many of you enjoy destroying your hearing as much as I do. Let's unite for this great event! Two whole days of drinking beer, hanging out and listening to some great music. That's what I call heaven on earth. Go to the Riot Fest webpage for all the info on tickets, bands and times and then let me know who's in. Don't make me call you a chicken!

Better Late Than Never

2007-10-09T08:44:00.000-05:00

I like to think of myself as the tortoise. Maybe not very appropriate for a Speed It Up mix, but it seems to be my M.O. in life. I eventually get around to things. So here is the illuminating commentary for the Tenacious S Speed It Up mix, along with my grateful thanks to Splotchy for allowing me to participate in the monkey business. The plan of this mix was to start at whatever BPM your heart desired, but it had to continually increase across the mix. For being a tortoise, I kind of like it real fast, so it didn't stay slow for long.

1. Pyramid Song-Radiohead
Does this song even have a beat? Like much of Radiohead's music, I find that it meanders around my brain, crawling into crevices that maybe I hadn't noticed before.

2. Spread Your Love-Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
A slow dirty groove, and I mean dirty. Makes you want to, uh, take a shower.

3. Failures-Joy Division
Post-punk with a sharp beat and a sharper wit. This is where the mix starts to act like it's going someplace and that maybe it might be in a hurry.

4. Groovin' in the Bus Lane-Jazz Butcher
Happy feet! There was a time in my life where the Jazz Butcher probably fell in my Top Ten. I couldn't get enough of the witty lyrics and the gin-soaked lounge singer on the skids tunes.

5. Turning Inside Out-The Methadones
Pure melodic punk perfection. These guys are led by ex-Screeching Weasel Dan Schafer, which is a nice pedigree in this arena. Send your good thoughts out to their bass player, Pete, who was hit by a bus while riding his bike last week. He's OK, but he's been stapled together in a few places.

6. Nicotine Fit-Voodoo Glow Skulls
Oh, come on! Speeded up crazy ass ska. Yahoo! Makes me giddy.

7. TV II-Ministry
While I prefer the more danceable earlier Ministry, I knew they were my go-to guys for the most hellacious BPM's of all. This one is a pure adrenaline rush accompanied by a few whacks over the head with a big mallet.

Hope you had fun.

*Warning-Do not listen to mix while hopped up on Red Bull.

Here It Goes Again

2007-10-02T20:04:00.001-05:00

Folks, it's that time of year again. The time where I shamelessly beg you to pay to look at boobs. Sure, they're cute and round and fun, but sometimes boobs get sick. Now it'd be one thing if just the boobs got sick, but see, this disease can kill you. I know, because this is how I lost my mother almost three years ago.

So do me a favor, do boobs a favor, do real people with a real illness a favor, go oggle some boobs and drop some cash. It's all going to the Susan G. Komen organization, which supports breast cancer research and treatment. This wonderful organization that is using one of nature's kind of cool gifts to raise some cash for breast cancer is Boobiethon. My boobs will be there and they thank you as I am one of the people at risk.

Candyman, Candyman, Candyman...

2007-09-29T15:50:00.000-05:00

Candyman is my all-time favorite horror movie. Made in 1992 and set right here in Chicago, it is the story of what happens when an urban legend becomes reality. It stars Virginia Madsen, a hometown girl. Watch it and then I dare you to stand in front of your bathroom mirror and utter his name three times. My husband knew this one actually spooked me and would walk up to me when I was brushing my teeth at night and start saying his name. Creep. Thanks for the fun idea, Splotchy!

Time

2007-09-29T07:30:00.000-05:00

I know I haven't been around as much lately. For one, we had some problems with our router, but that got fixed. I am under the gun at work. Even when I'm not, I guess I always kind of feel that way. Time is like the hot breath of a pursuer constantly on your back as you try to outrun it. Time has the ability to undermine all that I do. Time is valuable and frightening all at the same time.

I meet most of the kids I work with when they are quite young. There is always great hope in these moments. Everyone I work with makes very nice progress, but some progress much more quickly than others. It's those kids who don't move as fast that set me in motion. I am tasked with trying to catch them up to their peers in a race where the finish line keeps moving further away. It's exhausting for all of us I can assure you.

This year I have more than a few kids that fall into this category. It has been a rough few months filled with bumps in the road and detours that have wasted our precious time. Many days I work from the time I get up until I go to bed. Maybe this is why I kind of snapped this last week. I am grateful that I am in my quarter break right now, so I can devote more energy to my work. While I know school is important, it is yet another greedy monster, eating up precious hours every week. There are days at work that I feel like I'm battling a blazing house and I've got a squirt gun to do the job. It can be a little overwhelming. Most of the time, I try not to think about it too hard, because it doesn't help to worry.

But right now, worry is what I am filled with. I worry that some decisions that were made weren't correct. I worry that we are racing as fast as we can and that we might not finish the race. I worry about ten years from now. I have to. It's my job to constantly adapt plans as progress is made. I have to remind myself that everything we do is good. I know it doesn't all rest on my shoulders, but I also know that I have to keep running because I feel that hot breath on my neck.

Loose as a Goose

2007-09-28T15:57:00.000-05:00

If someone were to judge my character based on my activities this week, I think I'd get labeled with names such as "deviant," "exhibitionist," or "slut." I spent Tuesday morning getting plastered in more ways than one. My neighbor is an artist and in preparation for the upcoming Boobiethon, she cast my frontside and will be painting on it. For good measure we threw the backside in as well. A couple of Screwdrivers made the whole experience a little less, shall we say, tense. I'm starting to like this Boobiethon ritual. It forces me once a year to make peace with my body. Standing butt-naked in my neighbor's home covered in plaster also forces that peace process. For the record, a thin layer of plaster doesn't hide much.

Apparently I didn't have quite enough nakedness for the week on Tuesday, so when I was begged to show up at our friend's bar for a male dance revue, I just couldn't say no. Mind you, I'm not super excited by beefcake. I spent my dating years with some seriously scrawny dudes. I felt a little weird heading into this event, so I did what any sensible girl would do, I drank. When we got to the bar, the four guys who were going to perform were all hanging out in back and were actually just nice guys. I'm not sure what I expected, but they were pretty normal. When our group of girls went in, we discovered that we were pretty much the only ones there. I guess they didn't promote the event very well, and quite frankly, this is Evanston. This is probably the raciest thing that has happened here in years.

We all hung out and had a few drinks and the guys postponed the show in hopes of drawing a larger crowd. Well, it didn't happen. They were going to get paid by the bar no matter what happened so we decided to tell them that they didn't have to perform for just us. They weren't having it. They told us they had made a commitment and were going to make good on it. I have to say I was a little nervous when they put our four, yes four, chairs right in front of the stage. Since I was well on my way to having a real good attitude, I was feeling pretty game. Oh my. Let's just say there were four dancers and four girls and plenty of that special time in the chair onstage. I am really not an extrovert or an exhibitionist, but I am beginning to wonder after this week. I kind of felt like I was enjoying it just a little too much. I decided to just go with it and let those boys fulfill their contractual obligations! Really, normally I don't even like standing in front of a crowd, yet there I was smothered in beefcake and put in semi-contortionistic poses with some nearly naked dudes I didn't know. I'm now wandering around wondering what snapped in my brain this week. All the while, I am planning for Boobiethon...